Everything Is Connected to Everything

"I don't get how you do that!" exclaimed a friend. This is a sentiment I hear often, about lots of topics, from lots of different people. In people's defense, when I live such a public life (with the blog and podcast), it's not a surprise that it results in many questions and conversations. I never take offense when people want to discuss one of these topics; it's actually an intended consequence of broaching such topics with readers and listeners. I want to open a dialogue!

Back to my friend. "I don't get how you do that!" I often get this type of comment about a myriad of topics:

• Leaving an amazing career (and my family taking a 90% pay cut doing so).

• The new and unique career I’ve created.

• Living with zero debt

• Sarah staying home and spending her time volunteering.

• The family trips.

• Publishing 365 blogs and 104 podcast episodes per year.

• The frequent international travel.

• The sharp bend toward generosity.

• The fun little 350Z.

• Saying "yes" to odd opportunities.

"I don't get how you do that!" My friend was confused. In his opinion, I live a weird life. I get that word a lot. "Weird." I never take that personally, and in fact, it's become somewhat of a badge of honor.

I immediately asked my friend: "How much do you spend per month on your house and car payments combined." He thought for a moment, doing the mental math. "Maybe a little more than $5,000. I think $5,200. What does that have to do with anything?" I told him my house and car payments combine for $1,700 per month. Now he looked confused.

Next question: "How much more do you spend on other debt payments?" Again, he took a moment to think through some numbers. "Maybe a thousand or so." I told him we had none, and he looked skeptical.

We live in the same town, not far from one another. Our kids are a similar age. We do similar activities and attend similar events. Our lives are not all that different.....except they are. His house, cars, and consumer debt cost his family $6,200/month, whereas ours cost us $1,700. We might as well live on different planets.

I shared my philosophy with him: "Everything is connected to everything." Components in our lives don't live in a vacuum. Every decision has consequences, which create new decisions, which create new consequences. I admit that our family's life is quite weird, but that's intentional. When everything is connected to everything, it allows us to string together decisions that have a ripple effect on our journey.

When we live the world's way, it creates a ripple effect of living the world's way. It's a predictable and linear path. I'm not saying that's a bad thing, but it is what it is.

On the flip side, living in a weird way creates a ripple effect of living a weird way. It's a shockingly unpredictable path, and it creates as many weird opportunities as it does uncertainty.

Everything is connected to everything, and that's a good thing. To me, it means we have more control of our journey than we often like to believe. If that's true, don't be afraid to seize control.....and maybe live a little weird.

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Those Evil One-Percenters

You know who's really evil? It's those rich, greedy 1%'ers. You know, the people who make too much money. Those people! They need to pay their fair share and be more generous. After all, they have enough....more than enough. Don't even start on how out of touch they are with the real world and what other people are going through.

Don't these 1%'ers just drive you nuts?!? You'd think they would act a bit more grateful for what they have. Instead, they always seem so entitled and disconnected from the plight of the others.

Don't even get me started on their giving (or lack thereof). Instead of giving to those in need, they buy newer cars, moreTVs, faster phones, better vacations, and bigger houses.

I had several more paragraphs of anti-rich ranting to go, but there's just one problem. It's so easy to point the finger at others when we can perceive them a certain way. We have the privilege of judging them from our safe little perch of morality and relativism.

Unfortunately, we're looking through the wrong lens. It's easy to look through the lens of our own choosing. Doing so allows us to justify our attitude, judgment, and inaction. Here's the real, sobering, hard-to-swallow truth: If your household makes more than $40,000 USD each year, you're in the top 1% of families in the world. Do you make more than forty grand? If so, you're a 1%'er.

Let that sink in. Ouch. We're rich. Clean water, electricity, heat, A/C, education, medicine, cars, Tvs, cell phones, internet, refrigeration, three meals per day. We're very, very rich. It doesn't seem like it because we live in our own bubbles surrounded by people richer than our version of rich, but we're so unbelievably blessed. As such, there are really only three rational implications of this reality:

• We should live with gratitude.

• We should live with contentment.

• We should live with generosity.

Anything short of this takes us down the road of becoming real-life versions of those rich people we so harshly (and unfairly) judge.

I hope you have a blessed day.

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Tsunami or Drizzle

One of my clients has a storm approaching. They have two normal incomes and a small child. One spouse is about to lose their job, and the family will soon experience a 50% decrease in its take-home income. Talk about scary!!

Here's the thing about storms. It's not a matter of if a storm is coming, but when. That's what life promises us, and man, life sure does deliver! So, since we know a storm is coming, the next question is how bad said storm will be.

While this couple hasn't been together all that long, both spouses have spent the last 10 years of their lives setting the foundation for where they are now. Sure, I've helped them in their journey, but they had already done so many amazing things before I arrived on the scene. Here's a quick summary:

• No debt (this is huge!)

• Below-average housing costs

• Sizable taxable investment account (game-changer!)

• Conservative lifestyle

• Prioritization of family over stuff and status

• They live life with a posture of contentment and generosity

They've been nervous about the oncoming storm......as they should be! It's absolutely terrifying. We recently took inventory of their situation and worked through their new reality budget. We titled it, "Oh crap!" In it, we discerned what categories needed to be cut or decreased once the storm hits.

When we got to the bottom, they were met with a shocking discovery. After losing half of their income and making whatever cuts they could, the net result was only a $600 monthly budget shortfall. Combine this with the nice taxable investment account available to help them weather the storm, they are in amazing shape! Instead of the impending storm looking like a destructive tsunami, it will more closely resemble a slight drizzle.

Instantly, I could see relief in their eyes. What started as fear turned into confidence. All the hard work they've put into this over the years is about to culminate soon, and they are so grateful for the situation they've put themselves in.

The question isn't whether or not a storm is coming.....it is! The question for you today is what that storm looks like. Will it be a destructive tsunami that will potentially wipe you off the map? Or will it be a slight drizzle that you can confidently navigate? Perhaps today is a great day to start preparing for the storm.

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The Kids Don’t Care

I recently spent time with a couple who are struggling. Both spouses have great jobs, and their combined income is much higher than the average family's. However, they are stressed, burned out, and frustrated with life. Between their jobs and other commitments, they barely have time for their kids. By the time they all get home at night and eat dinner, they're lucky to have 30 minutes with the kids before bedtime. They feel like spectators in their own lives, watching their kids being raised by other people.

I mostly listened, taking it all in. It pained me to hear how discontent they are with their lives. The part about rarely seeing their kids was especially brutal. Then, I asked what seemed like an obvious question to me: "Well, why do you do it?"

"Our kids deserve a good life."

In their opinion, all of this hard work, long hours, stressful weeks, and the amazing income it all provides was worth it because it allowed them to provide their kids with a high standard of living which they "deserved.". This family is checking all the boxes: the house, the cars, the clothes, the trips, the activities, the clubs. Their kids are livin' the life!

My response: "The kids don't care!"

This is a hard pill for most parents to swallow, but the kids don't give a rip about any of it. We may think they do, and they may say things that lead us to believe they do, but they don't! What kids care about is having their parents present. A healthy household, engaging relationships, active discipline, a shoulder to lean on, someone to show them love, and the opportunity to make memories. They don't care about money, stuff, or status.

I've interviewed hundreds of people about their childhood. The feedback I've heard has ranged from "My childhood was a nightmare" to "I had the best childhood in the world." Do you know what doesn't factor into these opinions? Standard of living. Nobody says, "My childhood sucked because we were lower class," and nobody says, "My childhood was great because we were rich." Their standard of living and financial status always come up (because I ask), but there's practically zero correlation between money and childhood happiness.

There is one consistent theme, though. How present and engaged their parents were meant everything. Regardless of wealth or standard of living, kids who had present and engaging parents consistently reflect fondly on their childhoods. Translation: They don't care about money.

If what I just said is true, we parents have a choice to make. We can either continue down the road of "providing a good life," recognizing we're actually doing it for ourselves (and not our kids), or we can choose meaning over money and truly invest in our children. This is a tough pill to swallow for many, but one worth considering.

I'll end with the good news! No matter how much (or little) income you make or wealth you possess, you already have the tools to give your children everything they want!

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Oops, I Did It Again

Oops, I did it again. Be honest, did you just sing that line? No, today's post isn't about Britney Spears.

I've spent a lot of time writing about the importance of accepting generosity from others. Being able to accept a gift is an act of generosity in and of itself. The act of acceptance allows the other person to be a blessing, while the act of deflecting, denying, and deferring is a selfish act of pride. I wrote a piece two years ago about how I whiffed on an opportunity to let a friend bless me. I stole his blessing, robbing him of that gift.

Here's where Britney Spears comes in. I did it again yesterday! After two years of nearly flawless execution, I selfishly robbed my friend of his opportunity to be generous with me.

I was at a local coffee shop owned by my friend. As I approached the counter, he was running the register.

Me: "I'll have a small black coffee, please."

Him: "You bet. The coffee is on me today."

Me: "No, no, that's ok. You don't have to do that."

As I entered my phone number into the terminal to log my rewards, I (kinda) changed my mind.

Me: "Well, actually, ok."

But at that moment, I realized I had enough points for a free drink.

Me: "It looks like I have enough points for a free drink. I'll just use those."

Him (in the nicest tone): "That's you still not accepting my gift."

Wow. Just wow. He was right. I deflected his gift. I robbed him of the opportunity to be generous with me. I was prideful and selfish. I have no idea why I did it, but I immediately caught myself. I apologized profusely and named what I had just done.

As I walked out the door an hour later, I told him that our interaction inspired my next blog post and I would forward it to him. So, friend, here you go! I so much appreciate your generosity and friendship, and I'm sorry for robbing you yesterday! That was totally lame of me!

It just goes to show how culturally wired we are to deflect, deny, and defer. This is a topic I write about frequently and think about daily. This idea is at the core of my being, yet I failed yesterday.

I've said it on this blog or on this podcast in the past, and it's a hill I'll die on: We can't be truly generous unless we're able to receive the generosity of others. It sounds counter-intuitive, but the act of receiving can transform us in more ways than we can understand.

Yes, be generous. Give. Give ridiculously. Give in a way that makes people think you're insane. Give so much that it hurts, then keep giving so much that it feels good. Give, give, give. But at the same time, don't rob others of their generosity. Be humble. Be loving. Say yes. Show gratitude. Receive the gift.

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The Unwinnable Race

Whether aware of it or not, many people reading this article are running an unwinnable race. They are working hard for that forever home, enough money to feel secure, the newest technology, or the nicest car.

In theory, this is a winnable race. That house is possible, that amount of money is attainable, the Apple store is just a short drive away, and that car is rolling off the production line. Yes, you can have any of these you want......

......but you can't. This is where it becomes unwinnable. The moment you buy your forever home, it's just a house (and a new forever home takes shape in your imagination). The moment you have enough money, you realize it wasn't the answer to your insecurity (and a higher dollar amount takes its place in your mind). The moment you buy the newest cell phone, a newer (and better) one comes out. The moment you pull the trigger on that sweet ride, it becomes just a car (losing its luster).

I recently met with a man who has amassed $15 million. He said it's more money than he ever imagined having. He was raised in a lower-middle-class family, and even taking a three-hour road trip vacation was a luxury for his family. He wore hand-me-down clothes and shared a bedroom with his two siblings. Today, he lives in a 7-bedroom house and flies anywhere he wants at the drop of a hat.

He confided that he once believed even $5 million would be far more than enough. Then, after reaching that milestone, he realized he needed more to feel happy and secure. This process repeated a few more times, leading to his present status at $15 million. In our most recent conversation, he shared his new perspective that somewhere in the $20-$25 million range is probably enough. Unfortunately, it won't be. It never is. He's running an unwinnable race.

If you think x purchase or y dollars is the ticket to your happiness, security, or contentment, you're gravely mistaken. We have two options: 1) We can keep running, hoping there's an end to this race, or 2) Practice gratitude and be content with what we're blessed with. Taking option #2 doesn't mean we live with apathy or simply quit pursuing impact, but rather, it means we stop chasing the things that can't fulfill us and focus on what can.

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The Wise Words of Mike Tyson

Due to the combination of many factors, including mainstream media and social media, Americans are having a collective meltdown about the stock market. We're acting like we've never been here before, and panic is setting in unlike anything I've seen since 2008. Even the people who nodded their heads in agreement with my advice just two months ago are capitulating to fear-based self-destructive decisions.

It reminds me of Mike Tyson's infamous quote: "Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face."

Considering the U.S. stock market is down 17.4% since February 19th, let's call this the punch in the face Mike Tyson was referring to!

People are scared, angry, confused, and anxious. As such, please allow me to give you one other data point. Even after the recent 17.4% gut punch, we're still up 104% over the past five years. You heard that right, we're still more than twice as high as we were five years ago.

We haven't seen the stock market this low since, well, May 2nd, 2024. Yes, we're freaking out about the stock market going down to a point where it was just 11 months ago when it had recently hit an all-time 153-year high.

Why is nobody talking about how the stock market fell more than this in 2022? And why is nobody talking about how the stock market fell much more than this (and much quicker) in 2020? And why does nobody talk about how this has happened 21 other times before that, all with the same amazing outcome? It's almost like someone wants us to be scared this time. It's almost like there are motives for people to freak out right now.

Don't buy the hype. Don't let this stuff spin you up. Don't lose sleep. Don't panic. Don't make rash decisions. Don't sell your investments. Don't alter your behavior. Don't berate your neighbors. Don't get on your soapbox. Don't light a stick of dynamite and throw it into your relationships. It's not worth it!

Just live a meaningful life.....period. The rest will take care of itself.

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The Subconscious Killer

People want to drive a certain brand of car.

People want to live in a certain neighborhood.

People want their kids to attend a certain school.

People want to wear a certain logo.

People want to travel to a certain city.

People want their kids on a certain team.

People want to carry a certain model of phone.

People want to belong to certain clubs.

Do you know what all these things have in common? Status. People crave status. I believe people have always craved status, but due to the arms race of materialism and the proliferation of social media, the pursuit of status is thriving now more than ever.

Here's the official definition of status, according to the Oxford Dictionary: "The relative social, professional, or other standing of someone or something."

Here's the unofficial definition of status, according to me: The perception held about someone by an external person or group of people.

We humans care about what others think of us, and whether consciously or subconsciously, many of our decisions are heavily dictated by our desire to positively influence our standing in other people's eyes. Thus, the cars, neighborhoods, schools, logos, travel destinations, sports teams, gadgets, and clubs. Each of these says something about us, one way or another.

This may sound like a harmless topic lacking substantive consequences, but I can personally testify that the consequencesare increasingly destructive. In just the last few weeks, I've met with couples who make north of $300,000/year and are living paycheck-to-paycheck. There are a lot of factors contributing to this, but none bigger than the pursuit of status. Most of their decisions seem to be made, in part, with status in mind. Again, I don't even think it's a conscious thing for them. It's hard-wired into their psyche, and it manifests through each decision.

If this type of behavior goes unchecked, it will rot us from the inside out:

• Divorce

• Selfishness

• Financial stress

• Relational tension

• Jealousy

• Rampant debt

• No retirement

• Discontent

• Did I mention divorce?

Take a hard look in the proverbial mirror this morning and ask yourself what financial decisions are being made in the pursuit of status. If you identify any (and I suspect you will), I strongly encourage you to consider purging them from your life. Your life is worth far more than what others think about you. Your freedom, relationships, peace, calling, and meaning are all far more important than anything status claims to provide.

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The Chicken and Egg of Hospitality

We've been pushing the boundaries a bit more with our recent Northern Vessel social media content. Instead of focusing on coffee, we're venturing more into our core principles and practices around hospitality and mindset. In a recent Instagram post, we used a negative quote concept. This is done by showing what the normal narrative is (crossed out), followed by how we perceive it. Here's what it said:

• Hospitality = Service / Service is about the transaction, while hospitality focuses on the experience.

• Hospitality is only for the service industry / Making people feel seen and valued works in any field, not just for coffee shops or restaurants.

• Hospitality is one way / It's a cycle - When people feel it, they're more likely to share it with others.

• Hospitality requires extravagance / The simplest acts often leave the biggest mark.

• Hospitality is just being nice / It's about creating a genuine sense of welcome and connection.

As expected, someone chimed in on the comments, right on cue: "I will be hospitable when the average guest treats industry workers like humans and not machines."

It looks like we have a bit of a chicken-and-egg type scenario here. As customers, we must apparently earn the right to be treated with dignity. If we treat the service providers well enough, we'll earn the right to also be treated well. In reality, if they treat their customers like trash (which is increasingly more common), the customers will feel disrespected - the opposite of valued - and the relationship will be damaged.

Consumers, if you frequent businesses that treat you like this, I encourage you to run away and never go back.

Businesses, if you have team members who possess this attitude, I strongly encourage you to clean house. This will pollute your culture faster than anything.

There's a flip side to this chicken-and-egg scenario. Let's say you're engaging with someone with a poor attitude. I can almost guarantee that treating this person as poorly as they are treating you is a one-way ticket to a disastrous outcome. Or, you can take the opposite approach by showing genuine hospitality. The beautiful part about hospitality is that it's contagious. Someone with a terrible attitude who is met with hospitality has the potential to reverse course. I've seen it play out again and again. I've witnessed people clearly having a bad day, ready to take it out on the next service worker in their path, only to be met with beautiful hospitality. Almost instantly, this person's attitude begins to shift. Fast forward just a few minutes later, and this once-grumpy customer starts showing hospitable traits to other customers. Hospitality spreads!

Hospitality shouldn't be an act of quid pro quo. Instead, it's a simple act of dignity, respect, and honor. Genuine hospitality belongs in every setting, every industry, every discipline, and every situation.

Sure, you could withhold hospitality from someone until they earn it. That's one way to approach life. Or you could freely give it, knowing you're doing the right thing, and watch the beauty that unfolds.

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Don’t Fear the Tax Man

In the 850 financial coaching meetings I've hosted in the last five years, plus the hundreds of other meetings I've attended, there are a few themes that repeat over and over and over. Today, I want to discuss one such topic.

People are terrified of taxes. Not boogeyman-type scared, but sabotage their own wellbeing if it means they can avoid paying one more penny of taxes scared. Seriously, though, we Americans hate taxes so much that we'll literally prevent ourselves from making more money if it means we don't have to pay more to the government.

Here's a common example: taxable investing. I'm a huge fan of people investing in the stock market in such a way that the money is readily available for whatever purposes necessary (weddings, college, cars, trips, houses, insert your dream here). Let's say you invest $10,000 into a taxable account. Let's also pretend you'll have this money invested for 15 years and average a long-term 9% rate of return. In that scenario, your $10,000 contribution will be approximately $36,400 by the time you need it.

Since this is a taxable account, you can take the money whenever you want, with one catch: you must pay taxes when you sell and withdraw it. People are fully onboard with the idea of turning $10,000 into $36,400, but the moment they "have to pay taxes on it," they are out.

This is where I jump up to the whiteboard. Turning $10,000 into $36,400 means you made $26,400 of profit.....that's a win! Most Americans will owe a 15% tax on this profit, or $3,960. Again, this royally irks people. But let's look at the big picture. After paying roughly $4,000 in taxes, you still turned your $10,000 investment into $32,400 of cash that you can do anything you want! You more than tripled your money!

But the taxes! Even after walking through the math, many people get stuck on the idea that we had to pay the government $4,000. Therefore, we'll willingly give up the $22,400 profit we made just so we don't have to pay the government the $4,000 they are owed.

While I'm no fan of taxes, I'd like to encourage you to think about taxes through a different lens. Taxes are the consequence of financially winning. Sure, I'd like the consequences to be less than they are, but it still means you're winning. Please don't be afraid of that.

One last related thought for the day. There is no scenario where you make more money, causing you to jump into the next tax bracket, and you take home less money. That's a myth perpetuated by social media and politicians. Going up a tax bracket doesn't mean all your income is taxed higher......just the income that's in the new bracket. I regularly talk to people who turn down promotions, bonuses, and second jobs out of fear their move to the next tax bracket will actually lose them money.

Don't fear taxes. Pay whatever you owe, not a penny more, and be grateful for your financial blessings.

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Excellence Is All Around Us

Do you know how much time, money, and energy we spend on businesses and people who are anti-excellent? Too much, too much, and too much. It's not that we don't appreciate excellence, but rather, we seem to be obsessed with this notion of "supporting" businesses and people out of a twisted sense of pity, guilt, and obligation.

There's an irony in our behavior. While we're busy tolerating mediocrity (or worse), excellence is all around us. It would be one thing if all there were were subpar businesses and people. Luckily, though, that's not the case. Wherever you reside, excellence is all around you!

In just the past few days, I had lunch at a killer pizza joint (excellence!), spent time with an amazing educator who is finding new ways to drive impact with teens (excellence!), purchased 30 pounds of high-quality meat from my favorite meat market (excellence!), spent several hours with our Northern Vessel baristas (excellence!), had a date night at the newly crowned "best brewpub in America" (excellence!), got a haircut by my always amazing barber (excellence!), picked up a few new reads at my favorite little bookstore (excellence!), and watched my kids be instructed by their rock band teacher (excellence!).

I could have easily spent my time, energy, and money "supporting" other businesses, but to what end? To encourage mediocrity? To artificially prop up someone who hasn't earned it?

Here's how I look at it. We only have so much money, time, and energy to go around. Every dollar, hour, and calorie we spend on one thing is a dollar, hour, and calorie we don't get to spend on another. If that's true, then we each have a series of critical choices before us each day.

I'm not asking you to choose winners and punish losers. I'm merely suggesting we should expect excellence, encourage excellence, demand excellence, receive excellence, and reward excellence. Doing so has a powerful impact on the world around us. It forces businesses and organizations to either become more excellent, or fizzle out. It's simple. It's profound. It's impactful.

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A Streak of One

Someone recently asked how many days in a row I've published a blog. "Almost 900." "Wow, that's amazing! How in the world do you write 900 days in a row?"

This post isn't about my blog, but the blog provides a tangible example of a very simple and powerful concept. Here was my response to my friend: "It's simple. A 900-day streak is really just 900 one-day streaks. Just take care of today. Tomorrow can wait until tomorrow."

If I think about writing 900 days in a row, it seems unreasonable and unreachable. However, when I think about just writing one post today, that feels workable. Then tomorrow, I'll do the same again.

It reminds me of when I started intermittent fasting (no calories between dinner and noon the following day). My goal was to fast for a week. One day at a time, I achieved my goal. Day 1, then day 2, then day 3.....each day, focusing solely on that day's goal. What started as a goal to fast for one week has become a lifestyle. I don't even think about fasting anymore because it's just part of me. It's now been a fundamental part of my life for over two years, and it's radically changed my life. The same goes for writing, a teeth brushing, and tucking my kids in at night, and going to bed.

Using an obviously silly example, I never set out to brush my teeth for 15,000 consecutive days. Rather, I just took care of business one day, then did it again the next. After enough repetition, it becomes part of our daily rituals.

Here's my good news today: Anything can become a habit, a ritual, a streak. Some of you have ridiculously large dreams, but continuously fall short. Perhaps today is the day to start a streak of one. One repetition. Just one. Then, tomorrow, maybe you'll do it again. Oh wow, two days in a row! How about just one more day? If you're not careful, it will become engrained into the fabric of your life, fully solidified as a piece of you.

I'm not asking you to start a 1,000-day streak. Instead, today, I encourage you to start a streak of one.

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No Free Lunch

Sarah and I are considering a decision that would increase our monthly expense load. It's a want - absolutely not necessary - but it may add a ton of value to our family's life.

"But what are we going to give up?" I asked Sarah. In a vacuum, this decision is a no-brainer for us. Unfortunately, though, we don't live in vacuums. We live in the real world where you can't just magically increase your expenses and have no consequences. And no, "We'll just make more money" isn't an acceptable answer.

If we add a meaningful expense, what are we willing to sacrifice to make it happen? Sarah had some suggestions:

• Cut personal spending

• Reduce travel fund contributions

• Cut back on our kids budget

• Scale back dining out

Something has to go, and it's probably going to be something that matters to us. That's how this money stuff works. Every decision requires a counter-decision. We can have fun things, but we can't have all the fun things.

I firmly believe most families would make drastically different decisions if they embraced this concept. If we live a life where we just add, add, add, and add, that's called delusion. It's also the gateway to a disastrous inflection point at somepoint in the near future. It WILL catch up with us one way or another. We'll either end up deeply in debt, completely lacking the resources for a dignified retirement, rob us of our freedom, or cost us what we want most.

This is peak personal responsibility. This is where the rubber meets the road. Yes, make decisions that lead to cooloutcomes. Yes, give yourself the freedom to invest in memories and experiences. But whenever you do, be willing to have the hard conversation about what you're willing to give up to make it happen. There's no free lunch, and that's a good thing!

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Not All Roses and Sunshine

"I wish my job was fun like yours." These were the words of a close friend, comparing his job to mine.

First, I'm flattered that he thinks my job is fun. It can be....some hours…..of some days. Truth is, though, my job isn't "fun." It's often heavy, stressful, chaotic, exhausting, and mentally/emotionally taxing. Oh yeah, and it's also tremendously meaningful and fulfilling.

Herein is the lie. Work that matters does not mean fun work. It can be fun, but work doesn't need to be fun to be meaningful. Meaningful work is meaningful work.....period.

This is the lie my friend fell for. He actually finds deep meaning and fulfillment in his work, but since it's stressful and often "not fun," he has a twisted perception that he needs to find something more fun. I think he's in the absolute perfect spot for him! He's doing exactly what he's called to do, he's making a massive impact, and he goes to bed at night with a feeling of contentment and accomplishment.

As you begin your week, don't ask yourself if your job is fun or if you enjoy it. Instead, ask yourself:

• Do I find meaning in my work?

• Am I making a difference?

• Do I believe in the mission?

• Do I look forward to it?

• Do I miss it after being gone for a while?

• Does it allow me to utilize the skills I'm gifted with?

Truth is, I've had a heck of a stressful few weeks. Lots of late nights. Lots of difficult conversations. Lots of chaos. However, at the same time, I've felt a deep sense of fulfillment and meaning in what's happened. It hasn't been a ton of fun, but it matters.

So, next time you find yourself wishing your work was more fun, consider asking yourself the above questions instead. After all, fun isn't what we're really seeking. Meaning is what we're really looking for.

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A Shared Experience Double Date

Sarah and I went on a double date with another couple last night. I've been excited about this date for a while, and it didn't disappoint. However, I was caught off guard early in the night. The husband, a regular reader of this blog, announced he wanted to do this date "Shelton Family Style." This was a reference to a post I wrote 19 months ago about the power of actually shared experiences. Whenever my family goes out to eat, no matter the restaurant, we eat family style. We order a handful of items from the menu and share them with the entire family. It's a practice I picked up in Asia, and it's transformed our dining experiences.

Last night, though, I didn't expect that to happen. It's not a normal American custom to eat family style at most restaurants. Even when my friend said he wanted to do it, I didn't fully believe him. Each of us ordered something different, and I fully expected Sarah and I to share like we always do. However, as soon as the food arrived, I realized my friend was serious. We spent the next few minutes sliding blocks of food onto extra plates and divvying it up. Then, we dug in!

It was amazing! Each of us experienced four different entrees. It was part of the conversation. What we liked (almost everything), what we didn't (almost nothing), and why. We all received variety. We shared that experience together. By the time we finished, I had become an even bigger fan of that restaurant, as I experienced excellence across the board. It was a significantly memorable experience, and one I'm so grateful to have shared with my friends.

While this may seem like a random or inapplicable topic for this blog, I think it's highly impactful. It's really about creating and curating memories, moments, and experiences. It's about building relationships and adding richness to life.

Yes, we could simply stick to the normal ways of doing things; there's nothing wrong with that. Or, we can take a chance, get a bit uncomfortable, and try something that just might transform the experience. I'm so grateful my friends pushed the idea last night, and perhaps today, you can find your own ways to lean into similar ideas with people in your life. Share experiences, make memories, and create moments.

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The Three Types of People

I've long believed there are only two types of men in this world: Those who can wear fancy hats, and those who can't. I fit squarely in the can't camp.

As much as I'd like to spend the next 450 words lamenting my inability to pull off fancy hats, I want to instead discuss a different type of grouping I often think about. This time, I believe there are three types of people in this world:

1) People who say yes to anything and everything, always jumping at the newest shiny object.

2) People who take the path of least resistance. They will say yes to the easy things, no to the challenging things, and do whatever is necessary to coast through life by giving the least amount of effort possible.

3) People who say yes to meaningful and impactful things, regardless of how difficult and painful they might be. While the things they say yes to may seem scattered or random, common and powerful themes tie them all together. This is the group I was advocating for in yesterday’s post.

I used to spend a lot of time in camp #1. I would say yes to anything that sounded interesting. The net result of this behavior was a constant sense of overwhelmingness and stress. People who live in this camp aren't trying to sabotage their lives, but rather discover what moves the needle and what doesn't. It's the visible manifestation of curiosity and self-discovery. I still have tendencies toward this camp, but I've been able to hone in on what matters most.

I'd argue that most people live in camp #2. They just want to do their job, not kill themselves doing it, come home, hang with family, and repeat. They prefer not to get too involved with the problems of this world, instead choosing to pursue a better life for themselves and those they love. They mind their business, keep their head down, and keep moving forward through life.

I'm not a fan of camp #2. I get why people live in it, though. It's comfortable. It's simple. It's predictable. It's linear. On the surface, all of those traits sound appealing. However, in my opinion, there's something missing. It's like preparing a beautiful steak to perfection, but not seasoning it. It's got a nice sear, and the cross-cut reveals your precisely executed temperature. It looks amazing! You take a bite, expecting something wonderful.....but it tastes bland. It's got the look, texture, and temperature, but it has no flavor.

I'm not an advocate for people chasing shiny objects all the time. I don't think we should say yes to all things. It's a one-way ticket to burnout. However, I will fight until my last breath for people to transition from camp #2 to camp #3. Some of you might be one "yes" away from changing the trajectory of your life forever. Not an easier life. Not a more comfortable life. Not a wealthier financial life. But a better life.....full of meaning, impact, fulfillment.....and flavor.

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Biting Off More Than You Can Chew

Have you ever said "yes" to something that was far bigger than what you were capable of? Something you had no business saying yes to? Something that almost makes you feel like an idiot for even considering? I've had my share:

• As a 19-year-old, running a college program responsible for bringing celebrities to campus to speak and perform (which usually included dinner and airport drives with said celebrities).

• Adopting twin baby boys.

• Managing billions of dollars of real estate portfolios for some of the largest investors in the world.

• Building a coffee company.

• Launching a podcast when I knew absolutely nothing about podcasting.

• Committing to writing, editing, and publishing one blog post per day for the next twenty years.

To be honest, I shouldn't have said yes to a single one of these. I wasn't qualified for any of them. There was definitely a possibility I would fail. There were absolutely more qualified people for the job.

But saying yes to these types of things is how we grow. It's how we expand our capabilities. It's how we make an impact. Anyone can coast, do the easy things, and simply get by. The art of pushing oneself is also the art of moving the proverbial needle.

I recently said yes to something new. I'm terrified. I'm in way over my head. I might fail. There are most certainly more qualified people than me. But here we are. This new endeavor will soon take me to a faraway land, a completely unfamiliar place. I will be pushed and challenged in ways I've never known. It sounds terrible.....it sounds amazing!

I can't say much about it yet, but rest assured, you will hear plenty about it in due time. Some of you, if interested, will also receive an invitation to get involved. It will be exciting. In the meantime, I'll just be over here in the fetal position, repeatedly asking myself why I just signed up for one of the most intimidating things I've ever been part of.

I hope you bite off more than you can chew today. I hope you say yes to something ridiculous and scary. Not so that you can fail (though you might), but so you can make an impact. You will no doubt grow along the way as well.

Conquer the day!

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When the Experts Aren’t Experting

Yesterday's post landed well and resulted in much dialogue. I've received countless questions, responses, and personal testimonies. Then, I received an unexpected message from a close friend. This friend denounced my insights and said he will trust social media influencer xyz, who says we should sell all of our assets and wait out the storm. I looked up xyz influencer and immediately noticed a few things:

• He has a ton of followers

• He's super young

• He's only been investing for a few years

• He has a twisted and underwhelming understanding of finance

Why did my friend choose to follow the advice of this far less experienced and less knowledgeable person? Because this person has 100x more social media followers than I do. Translation: This guy is an expert.

It reminds me of a story I think about often. When Sarah and I first became parents, I was worried about my kids developing food allergies. It never sat well with me that more people than ever have allergies, and I desperately wanted my kids to avoid it. With this concern in mind, I sought the best expert I could find.

At the time, I was on a non-profit board of directors with a man who founded one of the world's largest food allergy testing labs. He was a pioneer in the field. He had zero social media followers. He's not famous. His face isn't plastered all over the internet. His video clips haven't gone viral. He's a good, humble, honest, and wise man.

I approached him with my concern. Was there anything I could do as a parent to help prevent food allergies from being an issue with my children? He gave me an overwhelming "yes" response and shared his wisdom on preventing food allergies. In short, his advice flew in the face of all the so-called "experts" spouting off their opinions. It was simple. It was profound. Fast forward eight years, and we don't have a single food allergy. Is that because of my friend's advice? Is it because my kids simply had a genetic disposition against food allergies? We may never know, but I trusted a true expert.

A few years later, this conversation came up with a trusted friend about to have her first child. She, too, had the same allergy concern as I did. I shared the wise advice of my allergy expert friend, and she thanked me.

Fast forward a year, I asked her if she followed my friend's advice. No, she didn't. Ultimately, she trusted the advice of a few famous social media moms who had opinions on the subject. The advice was the opposite of my friend's advice. The result? Every one of her kids has food allergies.....bad food allergies. Was it because of her approach? Was it because her kids simply had a genetic disposition toward food allergies? We may never know, but she trusted a famous person with an opinion.

We need to discern our sources carefully. It's so easy to get swept up by the loudest and sexiest voices. There is so much bad information floating around out there. Be careful. Be vigilant. Be discerning.

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"It's Different This Time"

I recently met with a concerned friend. On the heels of the recent stock market volatility, he's convinced the best course of action is to sell his investment portfolio and save himself from imminent doom. I explained how this is the nature of the stock market, and how patient people will be rewarded. His response: "This time it's different."

This is where he began to explain all the reasons why my stock market knowledge and fancy data are garbage. Because of x, y, and z, we're doomed, and as such, people should sell out and find alternative investments (such as gold, bonds, cash, crypto, etc.).

In the last 150 years, the stock market has fallen by at least 20% on 23 different occasions. That's once every 6.5 years. Not only has the market recovered each time, but it's recovered to new all-time highs the world has never seen. Every crash has been followed by unprecedented prosperity. 23 out of 23. Do you know what else happened in each one of these 23 stock market collapses? There was a large group of people who said, "It's different this time."

We perpetually think we're living in never-seen-before dark times. Given our biases, we think it couldn't possibly get worse than our current situation. And therefore, "it's different this time."

"It's different this time," said the people in the aftermath of the Civil War, when the railroad system failed, when the industrial revolution caused a massive labor shift, when World War I froze international trade, when we experienced the Great Depression, when the world spiraled into World War II, when the oil crisis hit, when our president was assassinated, when we endured a handful more wars, when the tech bubble burst, when 9/11 shook our nation to its core, when we experienced the worst housing crisis in U.S. history, and when the world shut down due to a sudden global pandemic.

Every single time something terrible happens, our gut reaction is to believe it's different this time. Translation: It doesn't matter that history says patient people will be rewarded.....it's time to react! Fear is a destructive bedfellow.

23 times our stock market has fallen by at least 20%. 23 times it subsequently rose to unprecedented levels. 23 out of 23 times, patience won. 23 out of 23 times, rash decisions got punished.

Could it be different this time? I suppose. But history tells us we've been here before. History tells us the best is yet to come.

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Ahhhh, Simpler Times

One of my favorite features of Apple's iPhone iOS is the ability to use widgets on the home screen. My two favorite widgets are Weather and Photos. I like the Weather widget because, well, weather. And I like the Photos widget because it continually curates images from my ever-changing Featured album. Yesterday, while in the thick of some heavy business challenges, I was hit with this image:

"Ahhhh, simpler times," I thought to myself. This picture was taken 18 years ago, shortly after Sarah and I started dating. We were so young, so energetic, so spirited, so......naive. We had our entire lives ahead of us, and nothing was going to stop us.

As I look at that picture, part of me instantly wishes we could go back to these simpler times. Less stress, less pressure, less tension. The couple in this picture hadn't yet experienced so much of the pain and suffering that would soon arrive:

• The involuntary relocation.

• The death threats.

• Five years of gut-wrenching fertility battles.

• The loss of a newborn.

• Marital tension.

• Losing relationships with half of my family.

• Two life-altering injuries.

• Business failures.

• Countless deaths.

In some ways, I yearn to go back to those simpler times. Life would be so much easier if I could wipe my memory and live without this burden. If I could make the pain go away. Maybe get zapped with one of those little flashing memory-wiping gadgets used in Men In Black. Even if I had the chance, I wouldn't, though.

That young guy I see in the photo. While he can jump a lot higher and has a lot less gray hair, he can't make an impact like the current version of me can. He doesn't have the skills, wisdom, and experience to move the needle in people's lives. He wants to, but he can't......yet. He still needs to endure the pain, suffering, and struggle waiting for him before he'll be ready to maximize his impact.

The same goes for you. You undoubtedly have pain, suffering, and struggle in your past (and probably your present). That doesn't make you lesser. It doesn't hinder you. It doesn't make you a failure. It's actually what has shaped you to do the work you're about to do. Sure, your life would be much simpler had you not had to endure all that, but it also would have taken you out of the game to make the impact you are meant to make.

You didn't go through all that for nothing. The pain wasn't endured in vain. This is where it gets good!

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