Tell Me They Only Care About Money

Yesterday, on the 46th anniversary of The Miracle (USA's iconic Olympic hockey underdog victory against the Soviet Union), the American Olympic men's hockey team did it again. This time, though, it was against Canada. 46 years, another gold medal. It was a historic moment, and one I don't think I'll ever forget.

The game was a nail-biter from start to finish, culminating in a golden goal just a few minutes into overtime. In an instant, everyone in the arena was crying. The US players (and their fans) were crying tears of joy. The Canadian players (and their fans) were crying tears of sorrow. Even the NBC commentators were choking up as they were trying to put into words what this moment meant. It was pure ecstasy......and pure agony.

Here's something interesting, though. Every single player on both the US and Canadian rosters plays in the NHL, the world's most prominent hockey league. These players play with each other and against each other multiple times per week, year after year. Yet, this moment was so profoundly important to everyone on the ice.

It would be so easy to talk about how these rich professional athletes just do it for the money. Tell that to my TV yesterday. What I saw was pure emotion. Yeah, money is cool, but whether we like to admit it or not, money is far from the ultimate driver. The world might run on money, but at our core, we humans run on meaning. Watching those players yesterday, I don't think money was on their minds.

Let's talk about the money, though, as it's very, very real. After doing a little research, I found that these two teams have 50 rostered NHL players. Combined, their annual salaries (not including any sponsorships or outside income) total approximately $390 million. That means, on average, the players representing USA and Canada in yesterday's game make approximately $8 million per year.

Yet, in the postgame interview, the hero player for the US squad was crying, bleeding (from getting his front teeth knocked out), and talking about how much he loves his country.

It's so easy to point our fingers and accuse professional athletes, celebrities, and large business owners of only caring about money. I think we have it backwards. The presence of money and fame isn't the tell that they only care about money. Rather, the presence of money and fame is oftentimes the byproduct of pouring their blood, sweat, tears, and passions into something they deeply care about.....and succeeding.

I'll end with this. I think we would all be much more successful in our endeavors and pursuits if we cared as much as those 40-50 players on the ice yesterday. Yes, they are rich. Yes, they are famous. But I don't think that's what fuels them. I think they have meaning filled to the brim. That's something worth fighting for.

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More Doesn’t Mean Growth

I recently found myself in a conversation with a coffee shop owner. He knew I was a business consultant, so he wanted to ask me a few questions and get some feedback on the inner workings of his business. However, what he didn't know during the first half of this conversation is that I also own a coffee company. The relevance of this detail will become apparent shortly.

In short, this business owner is trying to grow revenue, which, in turn, should increase profit. His solution? More product offerings. Specifically, more food options and more specialty drink options. In his mind, more options = more sales. Here's the lay of the land. After adding new drinks, they now have 26 specialty drink options. Not only that, but these 26 specialty drinks come in three different sizes......and each can be served hot or cold. If you do the math, that means their specialty drink menu has 156 different variations! This doesn't even include their non-specialty drinks.

Since he asked my opinion, I shared it. Growth doesn't happen from doing more, but by pursuing excellence. Doing more, but not being excellent, is a great way to drive yourself crazy while standing still. Excellence, on the other hand, is a great way to scale. Or, contextual to his world, excellent drink quality, excellent culture, excellent processes, excellent consistency, excellent workflow, and excellent hospitality.

This man couldn't have disagreed more with my principle, adding that while my ideas might work in other industries, it doesn't apply to coffee. That's when I shared about my coffee company, Northern Vessel. I explained that we carry six specialty drinks. All come in just one size, and three of them are served hot or cold. Therefore, in total, we have just 9 specialty drink variations (compared to his 156). On top of that, we only serve one food item: donuts from a local donut shop.

"Well, that idea sounds good in theory, but how do you plan to scale that? We're serving 150-200 cups per day and think we can grow it to 300. Offering only six specialties and not giving people size options won't cut it. How many cups are you at?"

"500-700 per day."

"..........."

The truth is, I used to believe the same myths as this man. When we launched our brick-and-mortar shop just over three years ago, we had several more drink options and many different food options. As we increased our focus on excellence, we grew. As we simplified our offerings, we grew. As we thought less about growth and more about getting better, we ironically grew. Excellence always wins.

I know all this coffee talk probably isn't relevant to your life. HOWEVER, this is a universal principle. Excellence is the best way to grow, always. Even when every ounce of our being says that more options and more offerings are the answer, it's not. Everything comes back to excellence....period.

I'm not saying Northern Vessel is excellent or I'm excellent. Rather, Northern Vessel is trying to be more excellent today than it was yesterday....and the same goes for myself. I don't know where we land on the overall excellence spectrum, but hopefully it's a perpetual up-and-to-the-right trajectory. No matter the industry or discipline, it's a winning formula.

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“Why Not Us?”

A 30-something couple was sitting across from me. They looked like a perfect mix of tired, stressed, and demoralized. While several parts of their life were going well, secretly, their finances were a mess. From the outside, everything looked somewhere between average and good. However, the truth is they were drowning from the weight of debt and other past financial decisions.

Despite all that, they seemed hopeful. Several of their friends had worked with me in the past, and, due to whatever stories they had been told, they felt a glimmer of encouragement. I walked them through the concepts and explained what it would take to get on the other side of this stressful mess. After about five minutes of me explaining a difficult yet simple plan, the wife looked at the husband and confidently exclaimed, "Well, why not us!?!?"

"Why not us?" Having a healthy (and positive!) relationship with money isn't reserved for the few people over there. It's open to all, and the only prerequisite is that we handle ourselves with discipline, determination, and focus. "Why not us?!?!" Gaining traction and building positive momentum is no small feat, and it requires much more than a little good fortune and a few good decisions. It takes intentionality, discipline, and the compounding effect of thousands of small decisions.

This couple is going to crush it. Do you want to know why I know that? Because they believe it. Sometimes, that's the spark that ignites the whole thing. On the flip side, the most surefire way to know someone won't win is because they don't believe they will win. It sounds silly, but it's true.

I've walked alongside countless families on this financial journey. Some have won.....some haven't. The common thread, more often than not, is if the couple (or person) sincerely believes winning is possible.

"Why not us?!?!" I think this should be our new rallying cry. In our work, in our families, in our money, in our hobbies, in our passions, and in our relationships.

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Just Ship It

I don't know why this caught my eye, but once it did, I couldn't ignore it. Immediately upon opening the app on my phone that helps me control my website, I saw something strange. It was a website visit to a page I didn't recognize. I clicked the link. Ohhhhhh, yeah, now I remember. It was a blog post that I wrote more than three years ago. I clicked "back."

Wait, what?!?! In total, 37 different blog posts were read on the website yesterday from eight different countries. I can't even begin to describe how weird that feels. People from all over the world are still reading pieces I wrote years ago. Were the pieces good? Not sure. Were these people positively impacted by what they saw? I hope so, I may never know. However, the fact that I somehow earned the opportunity to play a role in the life of a faraway stranger is something I never take for granted.

I know I say this a lot, but I can't encourage people enough to create. Just create. Whatever it is, bring it to life and send it into the world. Is it good? Who cares. Will it make an impact? There's only one way to find out.

Here's one thing I know. Regardless of how much impact I make with my creative endeavors during my life, it's going to make one heck of a treasure trove for my kids someday when I'm gone. By my math, there is somewhere in the range of 650,000 words of writing and 150 hours of podcasts floating around cyberspace. I don't know what my legacy will be from all that, but those who come after me can decide that.

Whatever your thing is, please don't hesitate to put it into the world. Share it. Someone out there needs and/or wants what you have to offer. Your good work might be the linchpin to someone else's next step. Without even knowing it, your idea, your inspiration, your gift, your art might be the gasoline to someone else's flickering flame.

It took me nearly 40 years to finally gain the courage to ship my art. I regret not doing it sooner, but now, with the benefit of hindsight after these past five years, I can confidently say it's the best thing I've ever done. I wish the same for you.

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Yeah, Definitely Didn't "Need" This

I have twin nine-year-old sons. One of them is a miniature version of me. We have a 99% overlap in interests, and as such, we naturally bond over these similarities. My other son? Well, if I'm being honest, we probably only have a 10% overlap in interests. He couldn't be more different from me, which can make bonding difficult at times. I love that little man to death, but we don't naturally gravitate toward each other.

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In a talk I gave earlier this week, I attempted to debunk the cultural myth that we shouldn't spend money on things "we don't need." It's a pervasive narrative hovering over us, causing shame, guilt, regret, and anxiety whenever we buy things that are simply wants. In other words, it sucks some of the joy out of life. I personally believe that spending some of our resources on wants is a critical part of the journey in creating a healthy relationship with money. Yes, we need to take care of our needs. Yes, we need to save. Yes, we need to give. Yes, we need to invest. But we also need to spend money on things that add value to our lives.

The truth is, I don't spend much of my personal spending money each month. A few books here, a couple coffees there, and maybe a few lunches with friends. However, in the spirit of making sure I don't become a hoarder incapable of spending on wants, I often bank mine for a period of time before purchasing a larger item.

Yesterday was my day! In an effort to find new ways to bond with my son while simultaneously utilizing my saved-up personal spending money, I purchased a 3D printer. $850! The kids' heads practically exploded when we picked it up from the store. I'll go out on a limb and say there's no "need" for an $850 3D printer…..or any 3D printer for that matter. However, that's what makes this money journey so much fun. It's not about need or not a need. It's about adding value to our lives, keeping everything in context with the broader plan.

Seeing the joy and wonder on my son's face, followed by the endless conversation and dreaming about what we can design and build together, is further affirmation that this financial expenditure will add so much value to our lives. I'm grateful for the opportunity to purchase this "want," and I look forward to much bonding time with my little guy.

Buck the myth. It's not irresponsible to spend money on things you don't need. Don't fall for the lie. Don't let shame, guilt, regret, and anxiety take hold of you. We can't have all the wants, but we can have some. Make sure your some includes things that truly add value to your life.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a life-size Lego head to print.

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Two Scared Little Boys

What comes to mind when you hear the word "Trees"?

For me, this word brings a rush of emotion. Funny, I know. Trees is the title of an iconic Twenty One Pilots song. For the past 15 years, nearly every live show has ended with this song. It's one of the most iconic endings to one of the most iconic live shows performed by (what I believe) is one of the most iconic bands in the world.

It's not just the song itself that makes it iconic, but how it's performed. There's a moment, right at the very end of the song, where both band members (Tyler and Josh) navigate into the crowd and perform dual drums. Then, right as the end nears, confetti rains from the sky. It's a euphoric ending to a breathtaking show.

Check out this image:

This is a photo from a live show approximately 15 years ago, in what appears to be someone's living room. You can see the dual drums of the Trees performance. I'd like to imagine that the dozen people in that room were as mesmerized then as I am now.

Now, check out this next image.

Same song. Same moment. Same dual drums. This time, though, they are in the midst of 65,000 loyal fans in a sold-out Mexico City stadium.

The juxtaposition of these two images gives me chills. 15 years, same song, same moment, same dual drums. It's the same, but at the same time, it might as well be on a different planet.

A movie is coming to theaters next weekend about this Mexico City show. Our family is eagerly awaiting its release, and we have an entire night planned around it. Yesterday, I stumbled upon a short video clip of the two band members explaining the movie. Josh was explaining everything you can expect to see. Then, suddenly, Tyler interrupts: "Let's be honest, the movie is about two scared little boys."

"Two scared little boys." That's a pretty wild thing to say for being one of the most successful bands of all time. They've performed thousands of shows worldwide, released eight albums, produced more than 50 music videos, and earned the trust of millions of fans. Yet, as they describe the show featured in the movie, they use the phrase "two scared little boys."

The fear doesn't go away. Fear shouldn't be the barometer by which we gauge our "yes" and "no" decisions. Rather, the presence of fear is a telltale sign that we're growing and making an impact.

The world says to pursue comfort, but I believe we should aggressively pursue discomfort. Not only discomfort, but pushing it far enough that we allow fear to be the sidekick I mentioned the last few days (HERE and HERE). I'll go out on a limb and say that Twenty One Pilots probably wouldn't have progressed much further than a house show with a dozen people if they let fear be the boundary of their decisions. Instead, they leaned into the fear, for 15 years and counting, to the point they are "two scared little boys" ripping out an iconic show in front of 65,000 fans whose lives have been impacted by their courage.

That's a story worth living, and we each have the opportunity to live our own version of it today.

Oh yeah, one last thing. If you want to see what all this Trees talk is about, below is an excellent version of the song performed at a live show. It’s one of my favorite music videos of all time.

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The Best Version of Ourselves

Yesterday's talk was a ton of fun! I thoroughly enjoyed my time with that organization, and I pray I made an impact on some of the people in attendance. During the post-talk Q&A, a woman asked me a profoundly deep question. "You mentioned in your talk that you fear regret. What else are you scared of? What keeps you up at night?"

That question surprised me, but I loved it! I told her (and the group) that one of my other fears, and something that occasionally keeps me up at night, is the fear of not being good enough. The fear of letting people down. The fear of not making the impact I'm called to make. It sounds an awful lot like yesterday's post. The deep anxiety I feel before public speaking can be directly tied back to my desire to do a great job. It's never that I lack confidence or feel unprepared, but a nervousness about whether I'll maximize my opportunity to make an impact.

Since yesterday's talk was virtual, I jumped into the group call about 10 minutes ahead of my scheduled slot. The group was finishing up another session. I didn't arrive soon enough to get the full context (nor could I share it here even if I had), but one gentleman said something profoundly important: "We need to be the best version of ourselves."

It's so dang easy (and unfair) to compare ourselves to the people ahead of us. I could easily (and unfairly) compare myself to the greatest entrepreneurs of our generation. I could easily (and unfairly) compare Northern Vessel to the top 10 coffee shops in the world. I could easily (and unfairly) compare my income with xyz ultra-wealthy friends. Those are easy comparisons to make, but to what end?

Notice how we rarely compare ourselves to people at or below our level, with less experience, or in a context that's relevant to our journey? Instead, we pick the highest possible comparison point......then feel like crap. It's the equivalent of a high school girl comparing herself to whichever TikTok influencer is hot right now. It's easy to do.....and oh so unfair.

Instead, the mission is clear. We simply need to be the best version of ourselves. Or, as we say at Northern Vessel, one percent better every day. I used to want to be this author or that podcaster, but as time has passed, I realized I just want to be the best version of me possible.

I'll take this entire idea one step further, and I'll die on this hill. We'll all be far more successful endeavoring to be the best version of ourselves than we'll ever be by trying to become someone else. The world doesn't need another that person. Instead, it needs the best version of you, the best version of me, and the best version of everyone else. I feel encouraged by that today, and I hope you do, too!

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Fear as a Sidekick

I'll be speaking at a company later this morning. Right on cue, the fear is creeping in. I knew it was coming, as it always comes right about now. And by "fear," I mean something that resembles absolute terror. Many people don't know this, but my professional speaking career began with my desire to overcome my overly dramatic fear of public speaking. While I still get nerves leading up to my speaking events, at least it no longer involves profuse vomiting into whatever trash can is nearby.

I don't know about you, but I live in some level of fear most weeks. Fear of failure. Fear of not being good enough. Fear of letting the other person down. Fear of not living up to my potential. The fear of not making the impact I'm called to make.

To be honest, I don't think there's anything weird or bad about this. In fact, I'll take it one more step. I think fear is a common ingredient for impact. If we look around and see all the progress, innovation, and productivity around us, most of it was created in the shadow of fear. Creation is scary. Impact is scary. Progress is scary. Thus, fear is often an organic sidekick when we go about our business.

I hope you're scared this week. I hope you endeavor to do something that scares the living daylights out of you. I hope you pursue fear in a way that will make a deep and meaningful impact on someone. Maybe it's a bit pitch at work. Maybe it's an important prospect meeting. Maybe it's a one-on-one with one of your direct reports (or your boss). Maybe it's a big test at school. Maybe it's a job interview. Maybe it's the next step in something you're trying to build. Whatever it is, lean into the fear headfirst and know it's not only normal, but natural. It means you care. It means you're pushing yourself. It means you're trying to make an impact in this world. Embrace the fear…it means you’re on the right track.

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The Value of a Pizza

"Dad, can we have pizza tonight?"

Ah, the common words of a nine-year-old. The boys were craving pizza last night. Since I, too, was kinda craving pizza, I wasn't about to fight the idea. "What should we get?" I asked.

Lots of ideas were tossed around, ranging from frozen pizza, to national chain to-go pizza, to local pizza shops. Ultimately, we (unsurprisingly) landed on our favorite local pizza shop. Additionally, there was one more request: "No pick-up. Let's eat there." Deal!

Pizza is one of those things that has a wide range of styles, quality, and prices. For example, we could have gotten a decent frozen pizza for $5-$7 or grabbed a national chain pizza for $10-$12. Instead, we paid $20 (plus tip) for a pizza....around $26 total. Was the local pizza 4-5x better than a frozen pizza? Was the local pizza 2.5x better than the national chain pizza? Probably not. It's pretty good pizza, don't get me wrong! We love this pizza. But 2.5-5x better than the alternatives? Not exactly.

It's not really about the pizza, though. Sure, we were there to eat a pizza. However, what we were really there for was an experience. We wanted to go to our spot, enjoy our time together, engage with the familiar staff, and create memories. We didn't pay $25 for a pizza......we paid $25 for an experience that happened to include a pizza.

We had a blast. We talked about all the fun things we did earlier in the day, and looked forward to the week ahead. It was a good time. The pizza was fantastic as well, but that wasn't the heart of the story.

Memories, experiences, adventure, and time with those we care most about. That's always worth investing in.

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She Time, Me Time

Sarah leaves for a cruise today. Yeah, just Sarah. The boys and I will be at home living our normal lives while Sarah and her friend bask in the Caribbean sun.

"It's really nice you let your wife do something like that," said one friend.

Another friend mentioned to me, "Zero chance this would fly in our house."

A third friend exclaimed, "I can't believe you’re okay with her going on vacation without you!"

These comments felt odd to me. I think it's amazing that Sarah is taking a week to get some rest and relaxation with a friend. She needs it. We all need time away! I also know that when the tables are turned, she will be just as supportive of me stepping away to get some rest.

Some people dwell on the financial aspect. After all, I make 99.9% of our family's income. And here Sarah is spending our travel money on herself while I'm stuck at home?!?! The keyword there is "our" travel money. We're a team. We do this together. The fact that we're able to afford her a fun trip with a friend is a blessing I don't take for granted. Further, I hold zero jealousy or resentment toward her for spending money on this. That's what the money is for!

I think it's critically important that we all find time to get away. It doesn't have to be a cruise. Often, my time away looks like a short 1-2 night trip to a nearby city for a personal retreat. I get lots of sleep, eat good food, watch movies, and write. I find this time to be a beautiful reset amidst an otherwise chaotic life.

I think we each need to find our own rhythm. However, the biggest obstacle standing in our way is often our spouse. Spouses, help your partner get some time. Not only should you not discourage it, but you should champion it. Initiate the idea. In many cases, our partners feel guilty leaving, and our encouragement is what's needed to give them the freedom to go.

I hope Sarah has a blast on her trip! In the meantime, the boys and I will have a great week here at home. Hope you have a great day!

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God Bless, Mr. Van Der Beek

I was floored. I opened Twitter a few days ago, only to discover that James Van Der Beek had passed away after a brief battle with cancer. As a '90s kid, Van Der Beek was everywhere. From Varsity Blues to Dawson's Creek to countless appearances everywhere else, James was a fixture of the time. Every girl wanted to date him, and every guy wanted to be him. He seemed invincible.

Maybe it's because of his position in my life during those formative years, or perhaps because he's only four years older than me, but his passing has sat heavily on me these past few days. It's yet another reminder of our mortality and the fragility of life. Also, as a father, it feels like a gut punch knowing he left behind six children ranging from 4 to 15 years old.

James hasn't played a meaningful role in my life for more than 20 years, but when I learned of his cancer battle a few years ago, I started watching his content. He's a sweet, introspective, and wise man. In just a short video clip, James has the ability to cut through the noise and offer insights that seem truly valuable. Today, I want to share one clip that has stuck with me for a few years. It's only fitting that I share his words today in celebration of his life.

I'm not going to provide any context or follow-up commentary, as I think James communicates it so eloquently. HERE’S THE VIDEO CLIP…..ENJOY!

Life is short. Pursue wins that matter. Don't lose sight of what's important. Have a great day.

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Except He Didn’t Say Fudge

Remember that one time (earlier this month) I blindly clicked a link from my friend Ryan and purchased a TV without knowing anything about it? A few weeks ago, I wrote about my belief that we need to be an expert where we're an expert, acknowledge our gaps, and humbly entrust others to help us fill those gaps.

Today, I bring you an update on what happened after I purchased that mystery TV. I'll set the scene. With my purchase confirmation e-mail in hand, I walked into a local Best Buy to claim my purchase. The man behind the register politely asked me for an order number or a QR code to scan, and I quickly obliged. Beep, goes the scanner. The man behind the register paused. Was he confused? Was something wrong? Was there simply a delay in the system?

After what seemed like a minute (which was probably only 10 seconds), he became animated. "Hilly fudge! Are you crapping me? What in the fudge?!? What in the fudge!?! How in the fudge did you do this?!? Oh fudge!"

Except he didn't say fudge (in my best A Christmas Story narration voice). In fact, none of those were the words he actually used. I'll let you decode it. In any event, he was beyond excited. He asked if I could give him a minute to see if there were any similar deals still available for him to personally grab. There weren't.

Seeing that I appeared to be confused by his reaction, he asked me, "Do you know what you just got?" Nope, I didn't. "Well, how did you do this?" he asked. When I told him I just blindly clicked a link from a friend and clicked "buy," he was even more shocked.

He went on to explain that I purchased a $3,200 TV for only $750. Again, I don't really know anything about this.....I just clicked a link and drove to the store to pick it up. The next day, I had it all set up in my living room. The verdict? It's easily the best TV I've ever laid my eyes on. I actually didn't even know TVs could do this.

Will I always come out on the winning side of trusting other people to fill in my gaps? Of course not! However, more times than not, I'm going to end up in a far better place than I ever would have by trying to figure it out myself. Better yet, I don't have to spend the time, energy, or brain power to get there. All that's needed from us is to find people we trust, then trust.

I know this is a weird position to take in life, but it's a hill I'll die on. We need to focus our time, energy, and brain power on the areas we know best. Then, we delegate. We entrust others to walk alongside us and provide much-needed insights and guidance. I couldn't love that any more than I do! In the meantime, I'll be watching and re-watching all the Twenty One Pilots music videos on the new TV!

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10 Months For the Rest of Your Life

Imagine this. You're 27 and newly married. Up until now, your entire adult life has been somewhat shadowed by the consumer debt hanging above you: student loans and vehicles. It hasn't felt crippling, but it's an ever-present elephant in the room. Things are going fairly well, but there's a constant suspicion that this whole life thing would be much simpler (and better!) without the debt hovering and constantly absorbing a chunk of your monthly cashflow.

One more detail. With focus and intentionality, this debt could be 100% paid off by the end of this year. In a matter of months, you could forever free yourself from the financial burden you've spent your entire adult life living with. Paying off this debt will be simple, but difficult. It will take discipline, persistence, and sacrifice, but it's very doable.

One of my clients is living in this exact reality. Here's how I recently framed this opportunity to them: "It's 10 months for the rest of your life!"

10 months from now, at the ripe old age of 28, they could put themselves in a position to never again have to deal with the debt. Student loans and car debt gone.....forever! It's a line in the sand moment that will forever be cemented in their story.

Should they do it? Would you do it if you were in their shoes? Speaking as someone who has been in their shoes, and walked alongside dozens of families in similar shoes, I can wholeheartedly testify that it's worth it in every single way. I'm 14 years past the moment Sarah and I paid off ours, and life has never been the same since. It literally changed everything for us.

I think they are going to do it—10 months for the rest of their lives. It won't be easy, but it will be something they will never forget. If you're in a similar situation, I'd give you the same exuberant encouragement I gave them. Run the race, enjoy the fruits: margin, peace, confidence, discipline, and freedom. It's a priceless reward for a job well done.

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Money Can’t Buy Happiness, But….

There are two groups of people in the world. The first, which is the vast majority, believes that money 100% buys happiness. The second, a small minority, believes money cannot, in any shape or form, buy happiness. What's the truth? Both are right and both are wrong, kinda.

Over and over again, the studies have shown that money largely cannot make us happy. HOWEVER, there's one caveat to this that needs attention. Money can't make us happy after our basic needs are met (plus a little bit more for wants). Before our needs are met, though, is a different story.

Think of it this way. It's the 20th of the month. Rent is due in 10 days. You have $500 in your bank account, but you somehow need at least $1,500 in there by the first. It doesn't take Captain Obvious to know that another $1,000-$2,000 of income is going to make you significantly happier. Perhaps "happy" is the wrong word here. The weight of not having our basic needs met is tremendous. It's like putting a heavy weight on your chest. It hurts, but the cumulative effect of it sitting there, compressing down on your chest, making it harder and harder to breathe, is what makes it feel even scarier. That's what life can feel like in the absence of having our basic needs met. Some call it the four walls: housing, food, transportation, and clothing.

If you regularly read this blog, in some form of life stage where your needs aren’t being met, and you scoff when you hear me say that money can't buy happiness, know that I'm thinking about you, too. Sure, once our basic needs are met, money isn't going to make you all that much happier. I'll die on that hill. However, whatever financial upside you need to get your basic needs met will absolutely increase your quality of life, reduce mind-boggling stress, and improve your well-being. There's no doubt about that!

If this resonates with you, know you're not alone! One step at a time. Find ways to increase your income. Find ways to reduce housing and transportation costs. Ask for help, and leverage that help to get a better footing. Get intentional. Know this is a season; a hard season, but a season, nonetheless.

Wherever you're at on this financial journey, just know it's not the final chapter. It's just the latest chapter, and the best is yet to come. Embrace the journey and continue to point your eyes (and your decisions) to a better tomorrow. You got this!

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A Life You Don’t Want to Retire From

I had a difficult message to communicate. One of my clients, due to their own procrastination and other financial decisions, had put themselves in a tough spot regarding retirement investing. Translation: There's almost zero chance they will be able to retire at the (early) age they want to. They can still absolutely get this retirement thing right (eventually), but probably not in the timeframe they dreamed about.

I, being anti-retirement by nature, communicated a different message. "Create a life you don't want to retire from." That's it. That's the message. Do you know how much we all screw up our lives in the pursuit of this 20th-century man-made concept of "retirement"? Step by step, we optimize our finances to (hopefully) retire as soon as we can, and every time we optimize, we impair our life just a bit more, ratcheting up our internal desire to race to this finish line called retirement. In other words, the more steps we take in our careers and financial lives to race to retirement, the greater the demand for retirement grows.

My solution is simple, albeit countercultural: Create a life you don't want to retire from. If we wake up every day excited for what we're about to do, we would never have any reason to leave it. Sure, that might shift over time as our skills, endurance, and interests evolve. However, that's the entire point of this exercise. We have to continually look at ourselves in the mirror and decide if the life we're living is a life we want to retire from. If so, then we need to make a shift. What needs to change in order for me to again feel like I'm living a life I never want to retire from?

I like how I framed this concept in my pinned Tweet: "Early retirement isn't a dream. It's the consolation prize for not having a dream." Someday, I'll probably retire. It will likely correspond to health-related limitations beyond my control. My prayer is that it doesn't come until my 80s. Until then, my continual pursuit will be to create (and recreate) a life that I never want to retire from.

I know this is a controversial perspective, but perhaps it will give you something to ponder this week. Cheers!

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Managing the Puzzle Pieces

A few days ago, Sarah and the boys came home from a shopping trip. They went to the store to pick up a fun item that, in my opinion, would cost around $25. However, when they came home, they immediately said it had cost $110 instead. Whoa. That's a big delta between expectation and reality.

Sarah must have picked up on my lack of a good poker face. Translation: I had the look of disgust on my face. That wasn't my intention, but the cat was out of the bag. She immediately began throwing out next steps:

• Take it back.

• Subsidize this unnecessary purchase with her own personal spending money.

• Make the kids save up and pay for a portion of it.

I quickly refused all of these options. Instead, I said we should keep this item and manage the monthly Kids spending category accordingly. This purchase, in and of itself, isn't a bad thing. Rather, what happens next will dictate that. That's the beauty of budgeting. Sarah can spend whatever she wants on whatever category she wants......as long as we don't overspend the categories. Therefore, even though she spent a TON on this item, it can still fit within the broader context of our budget. There's a cost. There's a consequence. Perhaps it means not buying the kids a pair of shoes. Perhaps itmeans we do a few less extra treats. Perhaps we go to one less kid's event. It's not about refraining from spending on "wants," but managing the puzzle pieces well.

Every category should be managed this way. Set a dollar amount, then live. Don't guilt yourself. Don't starve yourself of a purchase. Don't live in constant regret. Don't second-guess your partner. Set the budget, then manage the puzzle pieces accordingly. One of the best gifts I can give my wife is to entrust her to manage the pieces however she feels best. I don't question her purchases. I don't criticize her purchases. If she's managing the pieces well and we're staying on track, she's winning; we're winning.

Spouses, this might be what the doctor ordered to reduce financial tension in your marriage. We don't have to look over each other's shoulders. We don't have to question. We don't have to criticize. We don't have to live in fear every time an Amazon box shows up at the door.

1. Negotiate the budget each month. Set category-by-category targets.

2. Live your life.

3. Manage the pieces to fit life within the parameters you set.

4. Trust each other.

5. Track your spending along the way.

6. Know where you landed.

7. Repeat.

There's a freedom in not having to care about every expenditure our partner makes, trusting that by the end of the month, the targets set in the original budget have been honored.

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Your Values, Not Mine

One of my clients asked me what I think about a particular decision they are making. Here's how I responded (paraphrased, as I definitely don't remember word for word):

"On a personal level, you don't want or need my opinion. We are on totally opposite sides of this decision; we couldn't be further apart from each other. However, what I think doesn't matter. This decision clearly aligns with your values and what's most important to you, and therefore, that's most important to me. It doesn't matter what I or anyone else thinks of this decision. This is your life, your journey."

The topic? They are considering buying a very, very, very, very nice house. And with that many "very"s, I'm talking about one of the nicest houses I've ever seen in my life. Considering I'm content living in this 80-year-old, one-bathroom house we currently rent, we couldn't be further apart.

This is where nuance MUST come into play. Do you know how successful I'd be walking alongside people if all I did was try to jam my values down their throats? When it comes to money and work, very few things are black-and-white. Instead, it's all different shades through different lenses. What's right for one is wrong for another. What's wise for someone is dumb for another.

This is the problem with most people's financial advice: It's portrayed through their personal lens as right and wrong. You shouldn't buy coffee. You should only buy the nicest coffee. You shouldn't go out to eat. You should only eat at fancy steakhouses. You shouldn't drive a nice car. You shouldn't drive a used car. You shouldn't travel. You shouldn't care about anything other than travel. You should, should, should, should.

Whenever we try to tell other people what to value, we've lost the plot. Instead, it should be about ideas. There are ideas, principles, practices, and habits that are proven to work well. Once we're able to digest those things, we can pursue our values through those lenses.

To my client who is considering buying a tremendously nice house, that's cool. It's not my type of cool, but it is theirs! After walking alongside them, seeing their heart, and understanding what moves their needle, it's probably the right decision for them. Context matters. It always matters.

Therefore, don't listen when other people tell you what you should or shouldn't value. They are them; you are you. We're all different. Embrace your uniqueness, and approach your work and finances accordingly.

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Blood Money

Have you ever had a decision in front of you that you knew in your heart the correct answer would result in you losing a ton of money? Here's an extreme example. You have a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to make $50,000 for a single day's work......but it's the day of your kid's high school graduation. $50,000 is a lot of money! But it's also your kid's graduation! Is a single one-hour ceremony really worth losing $50,000?

These are the types of scenarios I refer to as "blood money." It's money for the sake of money, even at the expense of something even more important or meaningful (perhaps our dignity). Over the course of my adult life, I've encountered maybe a dozen of these opportunities. A high-paying job/project that I should say "no" to because it would surely steal my job. A financial windfall that would come with major strings attached. Work that needed to be done at the expense of attending an important life event.

I wish I could tell you I always made the right choices in these scenarios, but unfortunately, I haven't. The pain of my regret is where I coined the term "blood money." I looked at the financial reward for x decision and felt disgusted in myself. The financial rewards I received might as well been drenched in blood. I ripped meaning from my life for the benefit of dollars. It's the antithesis of what I believe in, yet I've fallen for it more than once.

There are several families in my coaching going through similar situations. Blood money is on the table. The culturally right decision is to say yes to this money, but the consequences could be dire. What will they choose? Only time will tell. My strongest encouragement to them is to remember what their purpose is. If they are honoring that, they will (usually) make the right choices.

Always choose wisely, as everything is connected to everything.

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Crazy Enough to Believe

I received the most wonderful text a few days ago. Instead of telling you about it, I'll paste a screenshot for you:

Whoa! Talk about an amazing way to start the day, receiving a dramatically positive life update from a former client. However, I think more context is in order. I haven't seen this client in more than two years. After doing a lot of coaching work, this couple decided they had the tools they needed to win....then promptly kicked me to the curb (which is the goal!). I was grateful for the opportunity to work with them, and firmly believed they would take the reins and crush it going forward.

I knew they were well-positioned to succeed the last time we met, but since I haven't been meeting with them, I really didn't know what was happening behind the curtain. After receiving that text, I immediately opened their file to refresh my memory. I knew they had a TON of debt, but I didn't remember how much. Here's what I discovered. My last meeting with them was 28 months ago, when they were sitting on about $118,000 in student loan debt. Ouch!

Seeing the numbers on that spreadsheet took me back to those coaching meetings. $118,000 of student loan debt seems overwhelming because, well, it is. It was intense! However, at the same time, this couple didn't seem rattled. Instead, they were surprisingly optimistic. They were crazy enough to believe they could pay it off. Frankly, that's the secret. The only way to attack $118,000 of student loan debt is to violently attack $118,000 of student loan debt, month by month. This couple had faith, discipline, unity, and perseverance. They were also crazy enough to believe they could do it!

Of all the principles I've learned from watching families (including my own) get out of large amounts of debt, the power of being crazy enough to believe is often the make-or-break factor of success. Conventional wisdom says we'll never be able to pay off $118,000 in student loan debt. If you believe that's true, you surely won't. However, if you're even a fraction as crazy as this couple to actually believe it's possible, not only will it be possible, but inevitable.

I couldn't be happier for this family. They are needle-mover world-changers, and I have a feeling there's about to be a wave of generosity and impact in their wake. They deserve to live in this reality, not because of entitlement, but because of the work they put into making it happen. $118,000 of debt, 28 months. Unreal!

Whatever absurd goal you're carrying with you today, there are a lot of factors in play that will determine whether or not you achieve it. Are you crazy enough to believe you can? The answer to that question will speak volumes about what's about to happen.

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The Little Things Are the Big Things

Growing up in the 90s west of Chicago, I was obsessed with the Chicago Cubs. In fact, I made at least one trip to Wrigley Field per year for 20 consecutive years. I love that place. And in the 90s, there was no better place to sit than the right field bleachers. There was nothing like the moment Sammy Sosa made his dramatic run-out to start the game. The fans, including me, would lose their minds.

Despite being a huge Sammy Sosa fan, he always drove me nuts. He wanted to hit a home run on every pitch. Without fail, every single swing was an attempt to club the ball 500 feet, which resulted in so many strikeouts. It's hard to blame him, though, as he was one of the best long-ball hitters ever. However, I couldn't help but think that maybe his swing-for-the-fences-on-every-pitch approach did more harm than good.

A blog reader recently shared a story about how someone in his life wanted “a big plan." Caveat: No budget. A budget is too small. He was looking for something bigger. Budgets are like singles or doubles......he wanted to hit that home run (or maybe a grand slam!).

This resonated with me, as I've seen this play out with clients before. The budget can seem so small, so insignificant. But just like in the case of Sammy Sosa, I can't help but think how much more effective people could be by focusing on the small things, too. I'll take it a step further. Sometimes, the small things are the big things.

A while back, I started working with a couple that made $500,000+ per year. The income was rolling in! When we started working together, they requested that we skip the entire budgeting component of my coaching. And by "requested," I mean they insisted. Reluctantly, but with warning, I obliged.

Fast forward six months, and the couple was displeased with their progress. They set some big goals (home run swings) and went into it with a lot of confidence, yet six months in, they hadn't achieved much (several strikeouts). That's when I reintroduced the budgeting idea to them. In their minds (and words), budgeting was something "poor people had to do." I laughed and explained that not only is budgeting for high earners, but it's actually more important for high earners to budget than lower earners.

Fortunately, and probably for a lack of alternatives, they decided to trust the process for a season. In just the first month, they made more progress toward their very large goal than in the six prior months combined. Why? Because they focused on the little things. Sometimes, the little things are the big things.

I know I beat a dead horse on this topic, but it's so, so important. When we do the small things well, it unlocks the big things. When we focus on getting singles and doubles, we'll score far more runs (and incur far fewer strikeouts) than had we just swung for the fences every pitch.

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