A Middle Finger To Our Future Selves

I remember speaking to a colleague nearly 20 years ago. He was probably in his early 30s at the time, several years ahead of me in his career. While I wasn't necessarily the wisest steward with my financial resources back then, he and I shared many conversations that stopped me in my tracks. These conversations usually centered on the idea that we don't know whether we'll even be alive when we're older, so we might as well "enjoy life" while we're young. And by "enjoy life," he meant spend, spend, spend. He hated the idea of saving, or heaven forbid, investing. If he had it, he was going to blow it on something fun.

Fast forward 20 years, and I recently ran into him. He's now in his 50s, visibly older than when we last connected (as a few decades of life will do). This time, though, his attitude was different. He was asking me about retirement, investing ideas, and the worry about likely not having enough.

To his detriment, he lived out the principles he preached way back then. He spent, spent, and spent, giving little regard for his future self. In fact, I'd argue he gave his future self a hefty middle finger. It turns out, though, that one day, our present self becomes that future self. Today, he's the future self that younger him so blatantly disrespected.

He's scared....as he should be. His options are limited.....as expected. He feels trapped.....which is understandable. Now, his 50-something self is wondering how to navigate not only the present, but the future. He lived a lot of life in his younger days, but his current and future quality of life are very much in question.

This is a tough situation. I have so much empathy for people who face these realities. Unfortunately, I don't have a magic wand to wave for them. I can't undo their past mistakes. There's no magic pill or secret strategy to bridge decades of gaps.

No matter how old you are today, future you is depending on current you to make wise choices. Sacrificial choices. Loving choices. Be a good steward, not only with your finances, but with your body, relationships, children, marriage, and mental health. Future us is pleading for us to be better and do better. Their livelihood depends on it, and soon enough, that will be our present self. Be good to him/her.

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The “Dumbest” Person In the Room

There are a few people in my life who share a few similar traits:

1. They continually surround themselves with people they believe are smarter than they are.

2. They position themselves as the dumbest person in the room.

3. They ask countless questions, ridiculous or otherwise.

These are interesting people to me. There's a quiet confidence that comes from someone who intentionally surrounds themselves with rock stars. There's also a humility that comes from not having to say the smartest thing or act impressively. They are comfortable in their own skin, willing to ask any and all questions without fear of embarrassment.

All of these people share a fourth common trait. Want to know what it is? They are actually the smartest people in the room. Perhaps not by education, or pedigree, or title. Rather, they are the smartest people in the room by the sheer fact that they are willing to ask ALL the questions, surround themselves with rock stars, and absorb all context that comes their way. Through experience, curiosity, and a willingness to be humble, they've quietly ratcheted up the wisdom totem pole and now sit above most people. They are the "dumbest" people in the room, yet at the same time, are easily the smartest people in the room.

I love these types of people so much, and hope to one day be more like them. I have a lot of work to do, but over time, I'd like to work my way there. I'm probably better at this than I used to be, but when I see how some of these people approach life and people, I am humbly reminded of how much work I have to do.

Whatever you're doing today, I hope you're the "dumbest" person in the room. Soak it up. Enjoy the process. Absorb it like a sponge. That's how we get better, and in turn, make a larger impact.

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Systems and Standards

One of my friends, a fellow business owner, recently asked me what our goals are at Northern Vessel. We've never actually set any goals. In fact, we never discuss goals. There's no set of expectations for what we'd like to accomplish. Instead, it's more aspirational, directional. Continue to push the boundaries of excellence and find ways to exhibit hospitality in new and unexpected ways. To what end? No end. We're seeking the journey, not the destination.

This entire conversation reminds me of a quote I heard about a decade ago. "We don't rise to our goals. We fall to our systems and standards."

The NFL is a great example. All 32 teams start the season with the same goal: to win the Super Bowl. However, only one team will accomplish that goal. It's not that one team has a better, more cemented goal. Rather, a handful of teams simply have better systems and standards. Eventually, through the ebbs and flows of the season, each team falls to its systems and standards, and the team with the best systems and standards (plus a little luck) prevails.

Systems and standards. That's something we obsess about at Northern Vessel. It's an ongoing discussion with our team. It's a never-ending pursuit that impacts every guest interaction and every drink we prepare.

Saturday was the second week of the Des Moines Farmers' Market, the country's second-largest market. I heard there were north of 25,000 people present. Our team was excited and well-prepared. After spending three years obsessing about our systems and standards (including building our wonderful team), they are clearer now than ever.

I've attended many market Saturdays, and it never ceases to amaze me how locked-in and excellent the team is. Despite a seemingly unending line stretching 100+ people deep, our team strives to meet each guest with enthusiasm and hospitality. This week, the team served one drink approximately every 13 seconds for 5 hours. It's a pace that still boggles my mind, and I'm continually grateful for every person who decides to spend part of their market Saturday engaging with us. It's never lost on me, nor do I ever take it for granted, when a market patron decides to get into a coffee line (for a vendor that sells just one drink option) that wraps around the block.

I still feel like I need to do a better job at setting goals, but every time I feel that wave of guilt, I come back to the idea of systems and standards. The relentless pursuit of excellence. I don't know where we'll be a year from now, but regardless of what that looks like, I hope the systems and standards are higher than ever, we pursue an even grander version of excellence, and the hospitality pushes the boundaries more than ever.

Systems and standards. Whatever you're jumping into this week, please keep this in the back of your mind. We'll all eventually fall to our systems and standards, so we ought to raise them in the meantime.

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The Confrontation Awaits

One of my kids has a fear. To me, it's a silly fear, but to him, it's crippling. Over the past few days, he's spent much time trying to avoid facing this fear. Heck, if he had his way, he could simply avoid it altogether for the next 80 years and die a happy man.

Secretly, I'd love to find ways, organically or not, to create opportunities for him to face his fear head-on. The moment he conquers this fear will be the moment he unlocks something powerful inside him. It reminds me of a conversation he and I shared a while back:

"Dad, what are you most scared of?"

"Public speaking."

"That's weird, you speak all the time. Don't people pay you money to speak?"

"Yeah, they do!"

"Why do you do that if it's your biggest fear?"

"Why do you think I started? I did it BECAUSE it was my biggest fear."

I won't sit here on my high horse claiming to be the most courageous person in the world. I'm just a dude with a bunch of silly fears who has a track record of getting better and more impactful each time I face these fears head-on.

As I see it, our fears are often one of the few barriers between us and our dreams. Between us and our callings. Between us and our meaning. If that's true, why are we going to let a silly little fear be what stops us?!?!

On most days, I spend time with people who are trying to decide whether to let their fears hold them back from living their best life. Sometimes, the person on the other end of those conversations is the person I'm staring at in the mirror.

Fear is inevitable. It won't go away. We won't grow out of it. Instead, it shifts. It takes different forms. It manifests itself in new ways. But it's here to stay. If that's true, we might as well face it head-on!

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Something From Everyone

A young guy recently reached out to me, more than twenty years my junior. He was dealing with some heavy stuff, and he asked me to share insights from my experience with similar trials. In other words, he was looking to get something from me. That's how the conversation started, anyway.

Fast forward nearly an hour, and I ultimately felt like I got just as much (or more) from him than he received from me. What he lacked in age and experience, he made up for in perspective and attitude. I was humbled by his approach to these weighty topics, and I found myself leaning into his words.

I've been thinking about that conversation a lot. It's wild that the words of a young man approximately half my age stuck with me and challenged me to think about things differently. That's a wild concept. In some ways, it reminds me of an extraordinarily intense scene from the movie Good Will Hunting. Matt Damon plays a wily young man who's loaded with potential but rife with emotional baggage and anger issues. Robin Williams plays the role of a seasoned counselor, brought in to shepherd Matt Damon's character along the journey in hopes of a better tomorrow.

In an unexpected twist, the troubled young man unexpectedly unlocked something powerful and beautiful in the wise old man. We can get something from everyone. It doesn't matter who we are or who they are. I think we forget that more times than not. Perhaps we would all be better off if we embrace those conversations as two-way streets rather than narrow one-ways.

Grateful for my young friend.

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Oops, Wrong Highway

I recently met with a mid-40s couple who live a great life. By all accounts, they appear to have won the lottery of life. The keyword is "appear." Don't get me wrong, they are sincerely doing very well, and by many people's definition of success, they would get an A+ grade.

However, when I asked them what their dreams are in life, they shared goals that are somewhat (or largely) perpendicular to their current actions, decisions, and direction. In other words, they say they want one thing, but they are actually pursuing another. They are driving on the wrong highway!!!

I visually drew this dynamic on a whiteboard, and their jaws dropped. Not because I said something profound, but because it immediately struck them how obvious it was when a light was shone on it. Their immediate reaction was something along the lines of, "Well, we know what changes we need to make!"

I loved that for them. They are so clear about their dreams and callings, and now, for the first time in nearly two decades, they will start making intentional decisions to drive down the right highway (instead of hoping they accidentally get there someday).

This is a topic my wife and I talk about a handful of times per year. Are our choices (work, money, parenting, relationships, etc.) aligning with our vision for what we want in the future? If yes, amazing. If not, we have some difficult choices to make.

I think these are fantastic questions to ask ourselves:

• What do I want my life to look like in 10, 20, or 30 years?

• Are my current decisions and behaviors leading me toward or away from that desired destination?

• What changes do I need to make to reorient myself to my mission and/or accelerate my progress toward it?

Give it a shot! I hope you find it as enlightening (and humbling) as we do.

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What About the Others?

I've received a lot of fun feedback on yesterday's post about my former youth group kid who is actively living her 15-year-old self's dream. The primary objective of my post was to encourage people to follow through with their callings, regardless of what others (i.e., critics or doubters) may say.

One reader asked the following question via e-mail: "What about the others? What about all the people who tried following your advice and ultimately failed? For every 1 success story, what if there are 3 failure stories?"

I'm not naive to the reality that not every one of our dreams is going to pan out every single time. That's one of the reasons I often phrase it as the "pursuit of meaning or the "pursuit of work that matters." Everything in life worth doing involves the risk of us falling flat on our faces.

I love this blog reader's question, though, as it's so, so relevant to the conversation. I don't think this person was trying to be a pessimist or a Debbie Downer. More of a realist, if you will. In short, here's how I would answer the question: If we fail in the pursuit of the thing we desire most, then at least we know. Failure isn't a poison, but regret is. The regret of not trying. The regret of wondering "what if." The regret of not seizing the moment. The regret of not going for it. The regret of never knowing if we could have achieved it. Regret is one of the biggest toxins we humans can consume, and many of us consume it often.

Let's say my friend is correct in that only 1 out of 4 people actually achieve the goal. Does that mean the other three are losers? I'd argue that, while they didn't achieve what they set out to, at least they can live the rest of their lives without the regret of not knowing. That, in my opinion, is worth a ton!

No regrets. It doesn't mean we won't face pain, suffering, or loss, but it hopefully means we won't spend the rest of our days wondering what could have been. That is so, so important.

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Obsess About the Inputs

One of the primary principles I teach to families and businesses is counter-cultural. As a society, we're obsessed with outputs. How much profit a company makes. How many clients we can attain. How much we'll make on the other side of that next promotion. The grade we get on our report card. If our team won. Regardless of the arena of life, we're obsessed with the outputs.

I hate obsessing over outputs. Instead, I suggest we ought to obsess about the inputs and measure the outputs. The outputs are the outputs, which we often cannot control. However, we can absolutely control (or at least influence) the inputs. In fact, this is one of the primary drivers of Northern Vessel. When we first started the company, TJ mentioned that one of his desired outputs was to someday sell 400 cups in a day. As he explained, most coffee shops sell 100-200 cups per day. If we could ever find a way to get to 400 cups, that would be massive.

Rather than trying to sell 400 cups in a day (the output), we put 100% of our time, resources, and energy into the inputs:

• Creating an excellent product.

• Developing systems to ensure consistency.

• Cultivating a team culture that would allow that to happen.

• Building the means to scale volume efficiently.

• Practicing world-class hospitality.

• Curating a brand that people can recognize and relate to.

It took more than two years, but after obsessing about the inputs day in and day out, we finally hit 400 cups in a day! It was such a fun accomplishment. We measured it....and celebrated.

Then, something happened. We averaged 400 for a week. Then 400 for a month. Then, in a wild turn of events, we averaged 400 for a year. We even had a day we served 500 cups! In January, we sold 600 cups in a day! A week later, we sold 700 cups in a day! Then, just a few weeks ago, we sold 800 cups in a day! Our brains are melting....

We dreamed of someday serving 400 cups in a single day, and now live in a reality where 800 cups are on the table. We NEVER obsessed about selling 400 (never mind 800) cups. We obsessed over the inputs.

The same goes for all areas of life. My kids had lacrosse and football games this weekend. Frankly, I don't care whether they win or lose. I don't even care about what individual accomplishments they achieve during the games. I obsess about four inputs:

• Play hard.

• Practice good sportsmanship.

• Listen and obey.

• Have fun.

If they control those four inputs, they won (regardless of the scoreboard). Obsess about the inputs, measure the outputs.

This principle is about as counter-cultural as anything I talk about here, but I believe in it so much. Control what we can control, and let the cards fall as they may. Words to live by. Therefore, no matter the outcomes you experienced today or this week, focus your energies on the inputs that go into it, not the eventual outcome. If you do that long enough, you just might like the outcomes.

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New Fear Unlocked

It's been a few months since I've been scared out of my mind. One would think I'm finally on the other side of crushing fear, but alas, here we are again. Tomorrow, I'll be leading a 4-hour workshop for 25+ Christian non-profit organizations; some of the most prominent, impactful organizations in my state. The topic of the workshop: The relentless pursuit of God-honoring excellence.

As I was telling Sarah about the workshop, she asked a very innocent question: "How much of those four hours will you be on stage? 30 minutes? An hour?"

"All 4 hours! It's literally just me!"

Her eyes got really, really big; I think she got scared for me! I don't blame her. This is far bigger than me. Heck, I should be in the audience learning from some of these organizations. I look up to many of these people and would be honored to sit in front of them for four hours to learn. Yet, here we are, in reversed roles, with them in the chairs and me on stage with a microphone. Yeah, you bet I'm terrified!

I'm about to reach the point where I wonder why I said "yes" to this. My life would be so much simpler, safer, and stress-free had I NOT signed up for this endeavor. I could have avoided the risk of utter failure. I could have eliminated the possibility of letting people down. I could have reduced the risk of a massive heart attack striking me at any moment.

There's a shadow side to that, though. Saying "no" would have removed any possibility I have of making a difference, moving the needle, or otherwise positively impacting people. Saying "no" would have been an intentional forfeiture of my opportunity and responsibility to use my skills, experience, and insights to serve others. Saying "no" would have debilitated my ability to gain experience and personally grow.

No, I'm not a fan of my heart possibly ripping through my chest, and I'd sure appreciate a full night's sleep (instead of restless hours and constant nightmares), but I couldn't be more grateful or excited for this opportunity.

Have you recently experienced self-inflicted terror? If so, congrats, as both you and the world are better for you having done that. If not, perhaps now is as good a time as any to say "yes" to something bigger than you. Unlock something totally new within you. Make an impact. Use whatever experience, talent, insight, and wisdom you have to offer the world. It might suck in the lead-up (and maybe even in the moment!), but you'll soon look back as one of the most wonderful decisions of your life.

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Watching and Walking

Finn and Pax had their first lacrosse game of the season yesterday. Pax was beyond excited. When I asked him where he fits within his new teammates, he declared that he's "probably the best." Interesting, but I was waiting to see for myself. When the game started, he looked anything but the best. He looked timid, scared. Often, he was watching the action from afar, walking up and down the field. Watching and walking. Needless to say, he really struggled.

After the first game, I attempted to talk to him about this. If he really wants to be a difference maker, he needs to put in the effort. Watching and walking won't cut it. If he truly desires to be a good player, he needs to get into the action and hustle. The second game was modestly better. While he still looked timid and somewhat scared, he seemed to have a bit more pep in his step. He got more aggressive, hustled more, and put himself into the action.

As I reflected on the day during our two-hour drive home, I couldn't help but think about how many people live their lives this way: watching and walking. Many folks fail to get into the action, and when they do, it resembles anything but hustling. They typically aren't doing this to be lazy, but rather feel kind of like Pax did yesterday: timid and scared. People sometimes don't know what to do to move themselves forward, so their natural response is to watch and walk.

I think the same advice I gave Pax applies to most situations. Even if we don't know exactly what we're doing, getting into the action and being aggressive is always a winning formula. Sometimes we just need to get into the flow to find our way. I stress this to clients all the time. We all have a choice to make, and not making a choice is still a choice. Standing still is a voluntary action.

Whenever I'm sizing someone up and trying to discern how well I think they will do, it's not about how smart, educated, or experienced they are. Instead, I look for the action. I looked for the aggression. I look for tells that they will get scrappy. Once I see those tell-tale symptoms, I know it's game over!

Don't watch. Don't walk. Even if you're timid or scared. Even if you don't necessarily know the answer. Even if you don't know the right answers. Sometimes, just getting into the game and being aggressive is enough to shake loose what ails you.

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The Most Naive and Irresponsible Person In the World

I can usually see the backlash coming, but not this time. After publishing my post titled "Of Course You Did," I was unexpectedly met with a wave of criticism and unsubscribes. To summarize all the terrible things I said, I was advocating that we should always carry ourselves with a posture of generosity. Every moment of life is an opportunity to be generous.

In addition to the most unsubscribes than I've ever experienced from a single day's post, I received three separate direct criticisms:

• I'm telling people to be financially irresponsible.

• I'm a "terrible husband and an equally terrible father."

• I'm "naive."

What does it tell us about our culture when my advocacy for open-handed generosity is met with "irresponsible," "naive," and concerns about my competency as a husband and father? People often ask why I spend so much time talking about generosity in my content. This is why. We have a loooooong way to go as a culture when it comes to how we perceive and handle our money (especially through the lens of generosity).

If the ideas I advocate for make me naive and irresponsible, I guess my new dream in life is to become the most naive and irresponsible person in the world! Further, I deeply desire for you to become one of the most naive and irresponsible people in the world, too!!! Together, through our shared naivety and irresponsibility, perhaps we can collectively bend the culture and help make our entire society more naive and irresponsible.

Would you like to join me? It's so easy! I'll give you a step-by-step instruction:

1. Find a way to be generous today, and actually follow through.

2. Repeat.

3. Keep repeating.

4. Watch it change people's lives.

5. Watch it change your own life.

6. Repeat until your last breath.

I hope you have an awesome, naive, and irresponsible day!

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Like a Little Kid

Like many little boys and girls, I was obsessed with space travel as a kid. I marveled at the stars, constantly curious about what was up there. I reveled in the stories of space shuttles, moon landings, and the vastness of a world apart from Earth.

Much time has passed since those days, and I'm not longer a little kid, but watching the recent Artemis II coverage has reignited that little kid inside me. I find myself again staring up at the sky, curious as ever. Every photo and video clip of the crew's current mission excites me in profound ways.

Last night, we did a family movie night: Apollo 13. My boys watched intently, stress oozing from their pores. Unlike many of us, they didn't actually know how the story ends. They engaged in the film with the same wonder, curiosity, and awe that I had when I was their age.

I couldn't help but think how absurd the mere idea of space travel is. It's as audacious an idea as a human can muster. Yet all it took was enough people crazy enough to believe it was possible......then having the courage to bring it to life.

That's how I feel about life. Are we crazy enough to dream the dreams of absurdity? Are we brave enough to take the appropriate steps to find out if it's possible? One of the main things that separates those who do and those who don't is the gearing to actually believe the absurd is possible. Then, the courage to put one foot in front of the other.

As I watch the coverage of this current space mission, I will undoubtedly continue to obsess about the idea that anything is truly possible. Are you crazy enough? Are you courageous enough? Only time will tell if I am, but staring up at that sky really makes me wonder.

Whatever adventures you're crazy enough to dream up, I hope you find it somewhere deep within your soul to bring it to life. Sure, you might crash and burn......but what if you don't?

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Under My Roof

Yesterday, I mentioned being in $236,000 of debt at one point. It was 2008, and I was 27, newly engaged. I had my entire life planned out, all the way down to how many children I would have.....and when. Yeah, talk about being young and naive! Everything was going swimmingly until I walked into work one day and was met by a stranger, a stranger who pulled me into a conference room where I found all of my co-workers. Over the next 30 minutes, we were informed that the company was being shut down and that everyone would soon be fired.

That day was the turning point of my life. That was the day I realized that my way of perceiving and handling money was going to painfully catch up with me, and I would soon lose autonomy over my own life decisions. I had $236,000 of debt that wanted to be paid, and the prospect of no income (worst job market of our generation) was a scary proposition for a young man just a few years into his young career.

Self-pity and victimhood were running at full speed in my mind! I had every excuse in the book why I was done dirty, and I was going to suffer the consequences of other people's decisions. That's when I had a wake-up call....a very harsh and humbling wake-up call.

Somewhere in there, I realized that the causes and solutions to all of my problems lived under my roof. I was the common denominator for my crappy situation, and whether I liked it or not, I was responsible for navigating my life to a better situation. Until that moment, I thought my fortune and failures rested in the hands of outside forces. In other words, personal responsibility played less of a role than luck. That wake-up call changed everything for me.

If my past decisions led me to a place where I had limited life options, then perhaps my current and future decisions could get me to a place with more life options. My new fiancé and I set a new plan for our lives, and that plan involved never repeating that debacle again. We committed to ourselves that we would forevermore perceive money differently and would never again allow finances to dictate our lives.

It took 4.5 years to work our way through the debt mess, but life was so beautiful on the other side. Turns out, my wake-up call was right. The cause of and solution to most of my life's problems lives under my roof.....and it stares at me in the mirror.

The same goes for you. The cause of and solution to your life's problems probably lives under your roof. That's never a fun thing to admit, but once we do, it has the power to change everything. We must own our past decisions and equally own the responsibility for working ourselves toward a new reality. Discipline, humility, and persistence are key. It's not always fun, but there's something so powerful knowing it lives under your roof.

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Embracing Seasons

This weekend kicked off a new season for my family. On Saturday, the boys had their last practice before their lacrosse games begin. Then, on Sunday morning, they had their first flag football game of the year. Lastly, on Sunday afternoon, they had their first public performance with their new classic punk band at a local watering hole.

It's busier than we prefer, but we're going to embrace the season for what it is. Challenges will most certainly come, but so too will the blessings. I think a lot about life in terms of seasons. Seasons come and go, each presenting its own set of challenges and blessings.

From age 23 through 28, I eagerly engaged in a season of building my career. It was brutally challenging, but oh so fulfilling. I started as a naive kid, and ended up a little less naive and a little less kid.

From age 28 to 32 was the season of paying off our debt. Sarah and I had $236,000 of debt that dictated several of our life decisions, and we were committed to never letting that happen again. It was probably one of the most challenging seasons of our lives, but looking back, one of the most fulfilling (and impactful).

The age 32-38 season was when my career took off in a big way, while we simultaneously worked through the adoption process to begin our family. This is the season where we experienced the lowest of lows and the highest of highs. I spent much time in Asia and the Middle East, so many doors were unlocked for us, we found our people, we lost a son, we were blessed with twin baby boys, and we lost twin baby girls. So much beauty, so much pain.

The age 38-43 season was the most financially challenging season, with our family taking a 90% pay cut for me to start my career over and rebuild a new life.

In the midst of that, the age 41-45 season included the birth and ramp-up of Northern Vessel, which has unexpectedly become one of the greatest joys and blessings of my life. I never saw that coming, but I'm grateful for every bit of it.

As I reflect on each of those seasons, I can't help but think about how much pain, suffering, and turmoil each brought me. At the same time, however, when I embraced each for what it was, while also understanding it would eventually evolve into a different season, I was able to embrace it. I didn't always get it right, but the name of the game always felt like "seize the moment."

Whatever season you're in, whether awesome or painful, always remember three things:

• This season will eventually pass.

• You have the ability to seize it for whatever it is.

• Regardless of the pain, good WILL come from it. You might not see it now, but one day, it will be obvious how much good came from it.

Embrace the season.....every season. It's one of those things that makes life so difficult, but also so beautiful.

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Different, But Valuable

During a recent conversation with a friend, I was asked about the podcast, blog, speaking, coffee shop, and other consulting work I do. In short, this friend was applauding my contribution to the world, but then immediately began lamenting that they don't have anything worthwhile to offer. What?!?!

This friend is absolutely brilliant, and ultimately, I'd argue, has the potential to make a much bigger impact on the world than I. To me, this person is a legend!!! I wish I had even a fraction of this person's composure and intellect. Therefore, you can only imagine how confused I was when this individual lamented that they wished they had something to offer the world as I do.

This is the poisonous consequence of comparison. It's so easy to compare ourselves to other people, putting their skills and talents on a pedestal, while simultaneously demeaning our own. My friend does it, I do it, and you probably do it, too.

Every single one of us has something valuable to offer the world. It might be different than mine or other people in your life, but just as valuable! If I can convince people of one thing, it's this. Every single person has something valuable to offer, and if that's true, we have an opportunity and responsibility to share it.

For years, I sat around unfairly comparing myself to other people who were making a difference. If I only had his humor! If I only had his education! If I only had his good looks. If I only had his height. If I only had his wealth. If I only had his connections. If I only had his stage presence. In the midst of my wallowing and self-pity, I sat on the sidelines, not sharing my gifts with the world. What a shame!!!!

Therefore, I'm the biggest advocate for people to share their gifts with the world. Yeah, you might suck at first. You might be terrible. But doing something poorly is the admission price to eventually doing it well. We all start somewhere, but where we start isn't where we finish......that's why it's called the start.

Some of you need to hear this today. Some of you have been sitting on your gifts for years, even decades. Perhaps today is the day to get over yourself, quit comparing your gifts to other people's, and start sharing your gifts with the world. I don't know what that looks like, but I bet you do.

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Manhood

I stumbled upon something mind-boggling last night. According to a recent survey, 86% of men say that being a financial provider defines manhood. Just as scary, 77% of women agree. Nearly 9 out of 10 men, and nearly 8 out of 10 women, define manhood by a man's ability to financially provide.

While I 100% agree that one of a man's key roles should be to financially provide, it's most certainly not THE defining factor. Rather, it's A factor. The fact that we use dollar signs to place identity on men isn't news to me, but it's always disheartening.

This cultural pressure and false identity have swept men into a twisted reality where they must pursue more income at all costs. And by all costs, I mean at the expense of their role as husband, father, friend, and community member. We've told men that the only thing that matters is how much money they can bring into the household and the standard of living it can create.

Consequences of such toxic perspectives include rapidly declining mental health, broken marriages, absent parenting, miserable work, poor decisions, and severe health conditions. I'm not sure if you see this, but at scale, men are suffering in silence. They are hurting, but staying quiet. There's a quiet brokennes erupting all around us. I've been watching this unfold for years, and it's escalating.

So, what's the alternative? Completely disregard money and excuse men from their responsibility to financially provide? No way! Yes, let's financially provide for ourselves and our families. At the same time, we need to step up and be the best husband, father, friend, and community member we can be. Those things are tremendously valuable, and shouldn't be overlooked or disregarded.

I think about my friend I wrote about yesterday, who provides for his family in so many ways. His value is not measured in dollars. Yes, he provides financially, but he does so much more (as does his amazing wife). That's what makes them a special couple. It's not about a singular trait or role. They don't pigeonhole themselves into these made-up values or superficial measuring sticks.

Whether man or woman, your value doesn't come from dollar signs. It doesn't come from the house you live in, the car you drive, the school you send your kids to, the destinations of your vacations, the clothes you wear, or the professional titles you carry. You're valuable because you're a child of God....period. You're valuable....period. The rest is just noise.

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Failure Is Our Friend

I'll start with the obvious: I'm beyond excited that my Iowa State Cyclones advanced to the Sweet 16 yesterday. I'm looking forward to Friday's game against Tennessee!

Since last Wednesday, 52 teams have experienced the pain, suffering, and embarrassment, on a national stage, nonetheless, of having their seasons come to a sudden end. All of their hopes, dreams, and aspirations came crashing down in a matter of minutes. Many of these players played in their very last collegiate game.....or last game, period. So much heartbreak.

At the same time, it's exactly what they signed up for. Achieving our dreams ALWAYS involves the risk of failure. There's nothing worth doing that doesn't require us to experience the pain, suffering, and embarrassment of failure. Ultimately, I think that's what makes March Madness so beautiful.

That goes for sport, but it's also what makes life so beautiful. Each day, when we get out of bed and step into the world, we should be pursuing something that involves the risk of failure. Two cars crashed through our storefront

Despite Northern Vessel appearing from the outside as a stunning success story, we've experienced so many failures since opening the shop more than three years ago:

• Two cars crashed through our storefront in a nine-month span.

• Our original bottle subscription program never lived up to our expectations and was eventually axed.

• The mobile app we spent so much time and money developing was discontinued.

• We failed on multiple in-store product offerings.

• Our canning operation was a complete failure, resulting in huge financial losses.

• There were stretches when our finances weren't as locked in (low margins, higher-than-expected overhead, extraordinary expenditures).

These things weren't just minor inconveniences. There was a stretch in early 2024 when there was a legitimate possibility we wouldn't make it as a company. Some of it was our fault, some was circumstantial, all of it was embarrassing! Ultimately, though, we needed to use our failures to make ourselves better. We never would have gotten to where we are today had we not been exposed to those failures. Learn, iterate, grow.

Failure is part of success. Without failure, there is no success. Without failure, there is no iteration. Without failure, there is no growth. Without failure, there is no better. While I'd prefer not to re-live or repeat those failures, in hindsight, they made us who we are today. I'll always appreciate it for that.

Please don't be scared of failure. Pursue it. Tease it. Live each day with the very real possibility that failure might stare you in the face. That's where the beauty unfolds.

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A Different Kind of Success

A theme has taken shape in my coaching over the last few weeks. Several families have recently endured a ton of "life." Yeah, let's call it "life." Job losses, medical emergencies, HVAC breakdowns, car problems, unexpected vet bills.....the list goes on. We're talking about thousands or tens of thousands of dollars worth of "life."

Needless to say, these couples are discouraged. They had so many goals. Debt payoff goals. Savings goals. Investing goals. Purchase goals. Giving goals. Whatever their goals were, using that money to absorb emergency after emergency wasn't on their wish list.

Despite all that, I view each of these couples as financially successful. Not successful in their established goals, but a different kind of success. In the past, each of these couples would have immediately resorted to debt to pay for these emergencies. The credit cards come out to play. The HELOC takes on a chunk. A new car loan would be in order. Not this time! Today, each of these couples can (and should!) hold their heads high and recognize the fact that they've experienced the brutal realities of life without incurring debt. That's a massive win in my book!!!

I pray each of these families gets back to some form of normal soon, but in the meantime, I will celebrate this massive success of taking multiple punches without punishing their future selves with the burden of debt.

Maybe you're in a season of achieving all the goals you set for yourself. But if not, and like these families, you're experiencing all the bluntness life has to offer, I hope you can create and celebrate a different kind of success. All wins are worth celebrating, even when winning means surviving the onslaught.

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Focus, In Practice

Crush one thing, then move on to the next. That was the subject of yesterday's post. Focus is a weird thing, and often difficult for us humans to execute. After all, there are many things vying for our time, attention, energy, and resources. However, whether we like it or not, there's simply not enough time, attention, energy, or resources to attack everything.

Today, I want to share some real-life examples of how this concept works through the lens of personal finance. The most common and notable version of this concept I see people shortchanging themselves is debt. Specifically, the payoff of debt. When we try to pay all our debts off at once, we'll likely pay none of them off.

Here's an example of what this looks like, using some nice round numbers for simplicity's sake. A family has ten $1,000 debts, totaling $10,000. This couple determines that it can afford to pay $1,000/month extra toward the debt (above the minimum payments).

Conventional wisdom says that if they pay $100/month toward each debt, they can have their debt paid off after 10 months! That's exciting!!! Here's what that looks like in practice, though:

• After 1 month: 0 debts paid off

• After 2 months: 0 debts paid off

• After 3 months: 0 debts paid off

• After 4 months: 0 debts paid off

• After 5 months: 0 debts paid off

• After 6 months: 0 debts paid off

• After 7 months: 0 debts paid off

• After 8 months: 0 debts paid off

• After 9 months: 0 debts paid off

• After 10 months (if everything went perfectly): 10 debts paid off

The gap between month zero and month 10 feels massive. Grinding month after month after month without feeling a tangible win is terrible. Inevitably, life happens, expenses pop up, or they get sidetracked. Failure is likely. Not because they didn't have it in them, but because they lacked focus. Discouragement sets in. A sense of defeat saturates them. Quitting is on the table.

Let's try this again, but with focus as the primary objective. Instead of paying $100/month toward 10 different debts, they decide to focus all $1,000/month on one debt each month. Here's what that strategy looks like:

• After 1 month: 1 debt paid off

• After 2 months: 2 debts paid off

• After 3 months: 3 debts paid off

• After 4 months: 4 debts paid off

• After 5 months: 5 debts paid off

• After 6 months: 6 debts paid off

• After 7 months: 7 debts paid off

• After 8 months: 8 debts paid off

• After 9 months: 9 debts paid off

• After 10 months: 10 debts paid off

Will life still get in the way? Probably. However, look at those wins! Almost immediately, this family would experience and benefit from wins. From a psychological perspective, wins matter. Getting a win provides much-needed encouragement, confidence, and motivation to not only keep going, but even step on the gas harder.

This one small shift in perspective can be the difference between complete failure and world domination. Same dollars, same timeline, same commitment. Different focus, different results.

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Crush One Before Another

Our Northern Vessel ownership team recently decided that I need to take on a larger role within the company. I was already active behind the scenes and had a part-time, finance and operations role for the last 15 months. However, as the business grows and evolves, we need more of many things. After much convincing from TJ (our founder), I agreed to step in deeper.

Younger me would have thought the best course of action was the full implementation of all the great ideas on day one. Full bore, 100% force on everything from the get-go. However, after much experience (and the harshest of hard lessons), I've wisely learned that's a terrible approach. Instead, my best advice to the team (and to TJ) is to ease our way into the first initiative.

In our particular situation, given the sheer number of people we serve each day, inventory management is critical. However, we purchase hundreds of different items for our shop. Old me would have attempted to gain control of each of these products at the same time.....ouch. What's about the transpire is a staging. First, the big rocks of our business: coffee beans, milk, and serving containers (cups/cans/bottles). These three items are critical to our operation, and failure to manage these well will result in product outages, waste, warehouse storage shortages, or destructive margins, all of which are harmful to the business.

Dozens of initiatives need to be completed, yet we're focusing 100% of our attention on getting better control of coffee, milk, and containers. That's it. If done well, just that will have a transformative impact on the business. Once we gain traction, we'll take the newly learned best practices and incorporate our other inventory items. Then, once that's knocked out, we'll move on to another important initiative.

No, the entire point of this piece isn't to wax about coffee inputs. We need to focus! I often meet with clients who think the best idea is to implement every idea from the start. Many of my coaching concepts are counter-cultural in and of themselves, so trying to completely shift how we're viewing and handling finances in every single way, all at once, is a wildly terrible idea.

This month, we'll incorporate this. If successful, we'll add something next month. If all continues smoothly, we'll add the next piece. Before long, ten new ideas have been successfully implemented. On the flip side, if we try to implement all ten of these ideas right away, we might strike out completely.

Make one change today. Just one. Commit to it. Give yourself grace, but keep at it. AFTER you've locked it in, add another. Repeat. This applies to personal finances, for sure, but also to so many other areas of our lives.

To be continued....

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