Investing In Two Little Banditos

Amidst one of the most challenging stretches of my last five years, I was able to carve out a few days to travel to Chicago with my family. The goal? Attend a Twenty One Pilots show for Finn and Pax's ninth birthday. It cost money, time, rest, and several other not-insignificant sacrifices. It, along with many other things, has added a tremendous amount of pressure to my life.

All that being said, it was so good to lock in a new memory with my kids. We had a blast at the concert (their third Twenty One Pilots concert to date). There's nothing like watching their excitement build, then experience the payoff, one song after another. They screamed, sang, laughed, and reacted with awe. It was amazing.

There are a lot of things I could have used with this money, time, and bandwidth, but I'm glad I invested all of that into making memories with the kids.

That's the tension we face each day. There's always something that needs our money. There's always an obligation that needs our time. There's always a pressure that requires our bandwidth. There's always something that needs some of our something. If we're not careful, we'll get so lost in the needs that we forget about the other important things in life.

Last night, though, the other important things got addressed in my life. I'm grateful for that, and hopefully, it will provide memories that last a lifetime.

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It’s Just Money: SAHM Edition

I took some heat for yesterday's post about the phrase "It's just money." A few fun responses include, "You're again advocating for irresponsibility," and "It must be nice to not care about money."

In a surprising twist, I received about a half-dozen messages from one particular group of people: Stay-at-home moms and husbands of stay-at-home moms. I didn't necessarily connect these dots when I wrote yesterday's post, but these folks sure did. I'll summarize their takeaway: It's nearly impossible for a family to decide to become a one-income household without implementing the "It's just money" mindset.

Think about that. In more than 90% of situations (by my estimation), a family will end up worse off financially by electing to have one spouse stay at home instead of paying for childcare and having the second spouse work a paid job. In other words, the only way to make the decision for one spouse to stay at home is to acknowledge that other factors are more important to them than having more resources.

Each respondent shared their personal versions of this story. Every version was different, but all included one key theme: Sacrifice. In order to connect the financial dots, every single-income family must decide what gets sacrificed. For some, it's vacations. For others, it's dining out and lifestyle. Some people give up the possible opportunity to retire earlier. Others live in more conservative houses or drive older vehicles.

Regardless of each family's version of sacrifice, the math equation is the same. If a family chooses to have one spouse stay at home with the kids, they will inevitably have less material wealth than had they made the opposite decision. It's just money. I love it!

I can relate to all of these families, as Sarah and I made a similar decision to be a one-income household when we became parents. It hasn't always been easy, financially speaking, but we would have made the same decision 100 times out of 100. It's the biggest no-brainer for us in the world. As a finance guy, I understand the opportunity costs of such decisions, and if I let the materialistic side of me win, we would be much better off financially. However, it's just money. Sacrifices must be made. Values must win out. Meaning must prevail.

Whatever you're up to in this season of life, I hope you're able to feel confident and convicted about meaning prevailing over money. This isn't about me forcing my values on you, but rather, it's about encouraging you to let YOUR values supersede your materialistic instincts so you can live your most meaningful life. Your future self will thank you so much for that gift!

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It’s Just Money

Some of my business partners and I were engaging in an intense conversation. We have some huge decisions ahead of us, and there's a lot on the line. There are so many considerations: risk, upside, impact, mission, and potential pitfalls. In the midst of this debate, I made a controversial suggestion that involved me shifting a large portion of the risk from the company to my personal financial shoulders.

One of my partners expressed concern for my personal finances and the potential negative implications of implementing such an idea.

"It's just money," I responded.

No, I don't want to be irresponsible with what I've been blessed with; that's poor stewardship. However, at the same time, my top priority in life is NOT to accumulate more money, stuff, and status. Ultimately, my mission is to further the mission. And in the case of this particular debate, if it requires me to risk my own personal finances to ensure the long-term success of the mission, then so be it.

This type of attitude is the product of two things:

• The realization that money will not and cannot make us happy. Money can do a lot of things, but our happiness, satisfaction, and fulfillment cannot be driven or defined by how much money we accrue in our bank accounts.

• There's nothing more powerful than a mission that matters. When we believe in something and the impact it can have on people, that's the pinnacle of living.

It's just money.

That phrase can save us from a lot of heartbreak. It's so easy to let financial mistakes and failures beat us down. We think about it and say to ourselves, "I wish I wouldn't have done that!" Ultimately, though, what did it really cost you? Yeah, a few hundred dollars is a few hundred dollars. Yeah, a few thousand dollars is a few thousand dollars. It's not nothing. It might have some heft to it. However, life is about so much more than money.

Please don't let money be the driving force behind your perspective. Don't let money make you sad.....and don't let money make you happy. Don't let money define you as a failure......and don't let money define you as a winner. Don't let money guide you into decisions you otherwise wouldn't feel proud making. Don't let money distract you from your mission.

Yes, let's be good stewards. Yes, let's try to make wise choices. And YES, always stay true to the mission. It's just money.

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Lessons From a Linebacker

Our family attended a local high school football game last night. It was the two public schools in our town, facing off against one another in the annual rivalry game. Both schools are some of the largest in the state. There were an estimated 10,000-12,000 in attendance at the stadium. Yeah, not the high school football I grew up with. 

One of the highlights was watching Finn and Pax's flag football coach, who is a player on one of the teams. He's a good kid. The boys loved playing for him, and I thought he seemed like a great young man. 

Here's what I know about his particulars:

"Hi, I'm Travis. I'm Finn and Pax's dad."

"Nice to meet you. I'm Dawson."

"What year are you?"

"I'll be a junior."

"What position do you play?"

"I play linebacker."

Short, sweet, clear. 

We were excited to see if he would be at the game. We checked the program: "Dawson, Junior, LB, #6." We found our guy on the sideline! We knew he was in the house, but would he play?

As the defense stepped onto the field for the first time, he trotted out. He's starting! We were excited to see him. Would he get much action? Then, it began…..

Tackle.

Another tackle.

Crushed the quarterback.

The crowd is wildly yelling his name.

Another tackle.

He was one of the most hyped guys on the sidelines, wildly cheering on his teammates and amping up the crowd. 

They put him in at running back.

He scores a long touchdown.

More tackles.

He seemed to live in the heart of the action on nearly every snap.

Crushed another guy.

Sack.

Another sack on the next play.

He's a madman!

I turn to Google. The moment I typed in his name, a series of articles popped up about how he was named all-state as a sophomore (a sophomore!) and is a returning leader on one of the best teams in the state. I had no idea!!!!

All this from a kid who just casually told me he's going to be a junior and plays linebacker. He could have told me all about his accolades and status. He could have let me know who he is. He could have made sure I knew he was the man. Instead, he was just him. He was a player on the football team, and he was coaching my kid. I respect him so much for this. He was a wonderful coach, and my kids still talk about him all the time. Did I mention I respect the heck out of this kid?

I think we can all take a page out of Dawson's playbook. Let our actions speak for us. Be humble with our mouths and impactful with our actions. Less talking, more walking. Proud of you, Dawson. You got a supporter in me, and a couple little boys over here that you've impacted more than you know. Grateful for the way you carry yourself; people are watching.

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Never Offend For Sport

After a quiet morning on the e-mail front, I received a deluge of feedback in the afternoon regarding yesterday's post. I knew it was coming, but it was more aggressive than anticipated. I certainly knew I would receive backlash, which is part of the reason I haven't published about that topic much until now. However, after a few engaging conversations with friends, I felt the nudge to suck it up and engage in the topic.

Two ideas come to mind when I think about receiving backlash:

1. A wise mentor once told me, "Travis, you're always going to offend someone, so just make sure it's the right someones." Dang!!!! It's true, though. We will inevitably offend people along the journey, one way or another. It's a when, not if. If that's true, we might as well offend people by being truthful to ourselves.

2. I never offend for sport. It breaks my heart when I offend people. I never set out to offend or hurt people. I try to make sure that when I speak, my intentions are pure. If I'm going to say something that could possibly be received as offensive, I'm going to do it with a mission in mind. In situations like yesterday's post, the mission is to challenge people to think about a certain topic through a particular lens.

In a time when offending people seems to be a game, sport, and hobby, I recommend we try a different strategy. No, we'll never completely avoid being offensive to some people at some times. There's no way to avoid it. However, we can take a different approach. Aim for sincerity and let the chips fall where they may.

I hope you regularly feel challenged by my posts. I hope I give you something to think about. I hope it even inspires you from time to time. I never intend to offend. However, if I do offend you, please know that's never my mission. I never want to offend for sport.

Have an awesome day!

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Where Should It Go?

In yesterday's post, I posed a question. I challenged each reader to consider, with a completely clean slate, where their assets should go when they die. If you could draft a plan with no preconceived notions, where would the assets go? Oh yeah, I also gave three caveats:

1. We're talking about who gets it AFTER your spouse. Pretend your spouse is also gone.

2. Your kids are grown, and they no longer depend on your financial care.

3. You have something of substance left when you pass.

I've asked hundreds of people this question, and more than 9 out of 10 will say something along the lines of "equally split between my kids." Why? Because.

Well, where should it go? First, I need to clarify one thing. Your assets should go wherever you choose for them to go. The decision is 100% yours. Not mine. Not your family members'. Not your lawyer's. Yours and yours alone.

With that said, I want to share some thoughts to get you thinking today.

I've always loved the phrase, "fair is not equal and equal is not fair." We aren't obligated to give the same amount to each of our beneficiaries. There might be various reasons why one would give more to one child than the next. Don't allow pressure, guilt, or obligation guide you.

On a related note, I think we need to revisit the notion that all money is a blessing, and if all money is a blessing, more money is an even bigger blessing. The truth is, money has the ability to cripple us, enable us, self-destruct us, and zap any and all forms of meaning right from our souls. I watch it play out on a weekly basis. There's nothing that can crush the ambition of some people like the arrival of money.

If you're planning to give money to someone, consider giving it while you're still alive. There might be a season of your beneficiary's life that's better suited or more needed for such a gift. Besides, how beautiful would it be to see it with your own eyes!?!?

I have a tough question for my fellow Christian friends. If everything we have belongs to God (a core principle of our faith), why would we give all our assets to our family when we die? If everything we have is His, but yet our last act on this planet is to ensure our family retains His assets, does that seem aligned with the God's ownership principle?

I'll share my family's plan. When Sarah and I pass away, nearly everything will be given to our charitable trust to be given away. Our two little men, who will hopefully be strong, faithful men by then, will be entrusted to manage the giving of the money during their lifetimes. Further, I pray the example we set for our kids will inspire them to follow suit when they pass away, entrusting their children with a similar responsibility.

Again, you need to 100% make your own decision on this matter. But I hope I gave you something to think about today.

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Where Does It Go?

Let's dabble in the theme of death again, shall we? An interesting question was recently brought up in a group conversation. "Where do you want your money to go when you die?"

Everyone around the table quickly and instinctively answered:

• "Evenly between my kids."

• "Split between my kids."

• "To my kids. Evenly, of course."

• "50% to one kid and 50% to the other."

All four people had the exact same answer, without thought or hesitation. "Why?" I asked the group.

• "Isn't that what everyone does?"

• "Because that's what I'm supposed to do, right?"

• "I never thought about that question."

• "Are there other options?"

Nobody had a good reason. By default, we instinctively believe that splitting our assets evenly between our children is the best and correct path for each of us. But why?!?!? Nobody really seems to know.

I have lots of thoughts on this topic.......which I will share in due time. Today, though, I want you to ask yourself the same two questions:

• "Where do I want my money to go when I die?"

• "Why?"

Caveats to this question:

• Unless we're a mixed family, it's almost a given that our first beneficiary is our spouse. My question applies to the next level, after your spouse. Assume you're both gone.

• Assume your children are grown. This isn't an I-die-while-my-kids-are-young type question. Kids are grown and independent adults (i.e., they no longer depend on your financial care).

• You have something to give. Don't assume you'll have nothing. Let's pretend there's something of substance left when you pass.

Please take five minutes to think about this topic today. Really think about it. Throw all preconceived notions out the window and start from scratch. You have a blank canvas and can paint any picture you want. What does it look like? Please feel free to share your answers with me…..or keep it to yourself for now. If you want to share, you can hit “reply” to this e-mail or drop a comment at the bottom of the webpage. Then, tomorrow, I'll send part two your way (including my own perspective).

Have an amazing day, full of meaning and impact! Also, don't die. Not yet. There's still so much good work to be done.

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My 8, Her 1

I was having a perfectly normal yet good day yesterday. I was stressed by some time-sensitive endeavors, but it was a good day. Probably an 8 out of 10. The weather was nice, the sun was shining, and I was eager to serve those whom I had the privilege of serving. Then, it happened. I was in the pharmacy to pick up some treats for my kids when I crossed paths with a young lady (probably 17-18 years old). To say she was rude and disrespectful would be a gross understatement. She was borderline inappropriate with how she behaved.

My gut reaction was to be snippy with her, possibly fire back with a little smart comeback. However, I restrained myself and tried to simply be polite with her. Inside, though, I was seething. Would my dark thoughts prevail, or would I handle myself in a way I'd be proud? My good side ultimately prevailed, and I handled myself with respect and dignity. I was courteous with her despite her harsh attitude.

Fast forward five minutes, and I walked toward the checkout. Who's in front of me? The rude young lady. She was there to purchase just one item: a pregnancy test. Oh boy. I think it's safe for me to assume she was having an epically stressful day. She might have been in the midst of a 1 out of 10 day.

We have a principle at Northern Vessel that's foundational to how we conduct ourselves. Our guests NEVER have to earn our hospitality. Every person that walks through our doors deserves dignity and respect.....period. Even if they are having a 1 out of 10 day, our mission is to serve them at the highest level. Taking this approach in business and life requires us to put our guard down and be willing to make the first move. It requires us to approach situations with humility and vulnerability, even when it might blow up in our face.

When we're having an 8, 9, or 10-type day, there are countless people around us who are having a 1, 2, or 3-type day. Do we deserve to be treated like dirt? Of course not! However, what an opportunity we each have to be a steadying presence in people's lives when they are at their worst. Even when we want to lash out or match their negativity, we have an opportunity to lift their day, even for just a moment. It's not much, but to someone having a 1 out of 10 day, it could mean everything.

I'm really glad I handled myself well in front of that young lady. I hope she's alright. I've been thinking about her a lot, and I pray she's surrounded by loving, caring, and honest people.

Whatever type of day you have today, I hope you muster the strength to show class and dignity to everyone......especially those who don't seem to deserve it. They may need it more than anyone.

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Being Stupid

Yesterday morning, I was sitting at church, minding my own business, when out of nowhere, the man giving the message anonymously told a story about me! I was shocked, to say the least. He's a friend of mine, so it was an honor for him to even think about me in this regard.

To summarize, he shared examples of people who made decisions that led others to call them "stupid." In my case, he shared how I had a high-paying job that would have essentially ensured I'd be financially set for life. Then, in an attempt to serve more people in different ways, be more present with my family, and be a better father, I quit my job to start my own little business. This decision resulted in people all around me (including some extremely close to me) telling me I was "being stupid."

I gotta admit, having some of your closest friends and family call you "stupid" is a hard pill to swallow. At the same time, though, we shouldn't endeavor to gain the approval of others. It's our journey to live, and we're the ones who must live with the consequences of our own actions.

Over the last six years since making that decision, I've had many people call me stupid for many different decisions. It's unsettling when people around us make counter-cultural choices, and it challenges us in our soft spots. We've all been on that side of the equation. Just last week, I found myself getting jealous of a friend for doing something I don't personally (yet) have the courage to try. Instinctively, I wanted to call him "stupid," but truthfully, that was my own insecurity creeping in.

I feel like half my days are spent encouraging people to do "stupid" things. So many people are teetering on the edge of making life-altering decisions, but the cultural pressure from people around them often holds them back. After all, nobody wants to be "stupid."

There's a shadow side to all this. At some point along the journey, the same people who initially thought we were stupid start to see the positive side of these seemingly crazy decisions. In some situations, without even saying a word, we begin to inspire other people to make their own "stupid" decisions. Stupidity is contagious, I guess.

This is the role we each have the opportunity of playing. Our decisions and choices may draw the ire of people all around us, but so too does the product of our actions. Someone has to break the mold.....why not you?

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Curating Your Life

Do you ever wake up and ask yourself, "How did I end up here?!?!" It's remarkable how life can move so quickly at times that we unintentionally end up in places we didn't intend to be. The previous sentence can be taken positively or negatively, but this phenomenon tends to impact us more on the negative side, as it's much easier to accidentally end up somewhere we don't want to be than somewhere we do want to be.

This concept applies to so many areas of our lives:

• What we spend money on.

• Who we have relationships with.

• The work we find ourselves in.

• What we do with our time.

Every once in a while, I have a "What am I doing?!?!" moment. I recognize that I somehow got off course and ended up somewhere I never intended to be. As soon as that happens, I try to be extraordinarily intentional about changing course back in a direction I desire to be.

Last week, in the middle of a client meeting, I thought to myself, "This couple has curated their life better than anyone I know!!!!" They don't make more money than the average family. They aren't living some exotic lifestyle. They don't have flashy jobs. They are normal people living normal lives, but with one catch: They are living the exact life they curated for themselves. Where they live, where they work, who they hang out with, how they spend their time, and how they structure their family life. It all seems so intentional.

The cool part about this family is that I've watched this slowly come together over the course of a decade. I've known the husband for ages, so having a front-row seat to his inspiring example of intentional living has been a treat.

No, they aren't wealthy. No, life hasn't gone perfectly. In fact, they would be the first to admit it's been a messy ride. However, through the noise, they've been able to maintain an intentionality toward their unique definition of ideal life.....and they've pursued it with discipline.

A big part of this is rejecting society's conventional wisdom for how we ought to live, and instead choosing to stay laser-focused on our values. Again, this applies to time, money, work, relationships, and more. Forget what everyone else is doing; just be you!

One key sign you're doing it well is if someone accuses you of being weird. Many of my family's decisions and actions get called out for going against the grain. I'm never offended by such comments, as they only affirm that we're living the life we're called to live. My kids are starting to see some of this, making random comments every now and then. I love that, and I want them to know the importance of curating a meaningful life with intention and discipline.

What about you? What actions have you taken to curate your most meaningful and ideal life? Conversely, what decisions, made today or in the near future, would get you closer to living the life you know you're meant to live?

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Every Game Is the Super Bowl

I recently received a text from a friend who had just visited Northern Vessel for the first time. She said she was greeted excitedly by the team as she walked in, intentionally walked her through the menu with a smile, and made a killer drink for her. What she didn't know was that we had actually closed a few minutes before she walked in the door. The barista eventually shared that we were closing, but she was free to hang out and enjoy her drink if she desired.

She was blown away. Not only did she receive what she called "the best service of my life," but it was willfully and excitedly delivered even as the shop was closing. This is exactly what we try to accomplish! We're 100% open until five minutes after closing. No cleaning, no sweeping, no trash.....nothing. You won't see any closing-related tasks happening around you, as those are subtle visual triggers that you're no longer welcome. That's anti-hospitality. Using a sports analogy, every game is the Super Bowl. This customer may only ever come in one time, and if that's true, we want to make sure she has a world-class experience. Every customer is the most important customer....period. No, we don't always nail it, but man, we try!

I remember 5-6 years ago when TJ would pop up at grad parties, weddings, and city streets with his little coffee cart, slinging drinks to whoever would give this stranger a shot. He was bootstrapping his dream, desperately trying to eke out a meager living. Something caught my eye when I first met him, though. He treated every interaction like it was the Super Bowl. Every customer who walked up to his cart might as well have been the most important person in the world. That commitment slowly but surely earned him the right to serve more and more people.

Thinking back to those humble (and difficult) days makes what he's built over the last few years all the more special. Just yesterday, we were privileged with the opportunity to serve more than 500 drinks at our shop. That's 80 drinks per hour, or one drink every 45 seconds, for a fun-packed six-hour stretch. As I watched our team work, it provided me with so much joy to see how each team member treated every customer like they were the most important person in the room. Did we nail it 100%? Probably not, but man, we tried! I received countless comments and texts from friends who were thoroughly impressed with the hospitality of our staff. I couldn't be prouder or more grateful!

While I suspect most people reading this probably don't own or run a service-based company, this principle transcends all boundaries. When we approach life, work, and relationships like every game is the Super Bowl, it unlocks something far grander than we could have ever imagined. Give it a try!

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Memory Hacking

Between my travels, Sarah's travels, and Finn and Pax's travels, we haven't all been together as a family much lately. We're just now entering the part of summer where we'll get a lot of quality time together. Simultaneously, however, I have a behavioral quirk. As much as I try, I can't seem to shut off my motor when I'm at home. My wheels are always turning, and I go stir-crazy. I'm not proud of this, but I have come to recognize it for the problem it is.

With Sarah and the boys arriving back home around lunch yesterday, combined with me simultaneously finishing up a big client project and the fact that it was 100+ degrees outside, we decided to do a little memory hacking. We didn't have the time or budgeted funds for a major trip, so we decided to engineer a little staycation. We rented a hotel room in a different part of our metro and dedicated the day to making new memories.

• We stopped at Northern Vessel to pick up some CBLs and visit with the team.

• We shopped at the mall (the first time the boys have ever done that). Finn bought a new Minecraft Lego set, and Pax purchased a pair of football pants. Both were pleased with their decisions.

• We spent hours in the hotel pool (between stints in the hot tub).

• We shared a wonderful meal at a Mexican restaurant adjacent to our hotel (family style, of course).

• We ended the night with ice cream.

Out of the blue, while at dinner, Finn piped up, "Thank you so much for today, Mom and Dad. Today was one of my favorite days ever." Wow! That was so sweet for him to say. If I'm being honest, yesterday didn't feel particularly special. Nothing exotic, nothing wild, nothing expensive. Just a lot of intentionality. The kids felt it. They had a blast and showed much gratitude. Boy, we needed that.....I needed that.

Today, we'll leave the hotel and head directly to a local waterpark for day two of our little staycation. We're all excited; hopefully, many more memories will come.

Whatever is on your agenda today, I hope you find a way to engage in some memory hacking. It doesn't have to be extravagant or profound. Intentionality is the key ingredient. Cheers to a great day and lots of memories.

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More Chapters To Be Written

Father's Day, 2016. That was an epic day for me. After nearly five years of waiting to become a father, I was about to spend Father's Day as an actual dad.....unreal! It was a moment I had dreamt about my entire life, and now it was here! My son was born three days before Father's Day, the perfect timing! Everything was lining up just right.

Did I say Father's Day 2016 was epic? Let me rephrase that. It was an epically bad day.....one of the worst days of my life! When I woke up on Father's Day, I wasn't a father. Just two days prior, Sarah and I lost our son, Asher. In a stretch of just 48 hours, I went from the highest of highs to the lowest of lows. Instead of spending Father's Day 2016 celebrating the miracle of life, I remember sitting in my typical front-row seat at church, head buried in my hands. Those 60 minutes in that church seat on Father's Day 2016 are some of the most painful and profoundly memorable moments of my life.

As with everything in life, there were only two options: 1) Let our new reality destroy us (which it almost did), or 2) Keep moving forward. We chose to keep moving forward. It was a mess, but with a lot of support and healing, we navigated through that season of life.

Just four months later, we were blessed with our twin sons, Finn and Pax, and life has never been the same. Despite the pain and suffering we've endured, I consider myself so blessed. I have nothing but gratitude, though I'd be lying if I said I don't still feel the pain of that prior loss. It's all part of the story.

Think about your favorite book or movie. I'm willing to bet the protagonist wins in the end. Victory, happiness, love, or defeating the bad guys. The hero always wins....eventually. However, if you open the book to almost any page in the middle, there's struggle, challenge, pain, suffering, and tension. The protagonist is fighting their battles, trying to achieve what will eventually end happily ever after.

While real life isn't "happily ever after," it does resemble a book. Wherever we're at in life, there are still more chapters to be written. Some of you are dealing with tremendous pain and suffering right now. I'm so sorry! But more chapters are still to be written.

I have clients facing unprecedented challenges and tension in their lives (financial and otherwise). I constantly remind them this is just one chapter of a beautiful story. And like all protagonists seeking their victory, this is their middle chapter, tension-building, gut-wrenching moment. This is where they have a choice: 1) Let their new reality destroy them, or 2) Keep moving forward.

Wherever you're at today, choose door #2. Keep moving forward. Remember that whatever you're experiencing in this season of life is just one of many chapters still to be written.

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The No Lending Rule

Sarah and I have a rule in our marriage that's so ingrained into our being that I forget it's considered weird. We will NEVER lend money to someone. Nobody. No amount. For any reason. There's not a single exception we would ever make to this rule.

Many people would call this selfish on our part. "Why wouldn't you help a friend or family member who needs help?!?!" First, I'd argue that lending money to people who are struggling isn't a form of help; it's a quick way to put an even heavier burden on them. Think about it. There's a reason someone needs money, and it probably involves them not having money. And if they are asking for (or receiving) money from you, it means they've probably already tapped other sources of debt. Translation: They are hurting!

It's so sad to see the pain in someone's eyes as they share about how their relationship with a loved one became impaired over a $20, $50, or $100 debt. Entire families have been ruined over a few hundred bucks. In Sarah's and my opinion, our relationships are worth far more than that (priceless, even!). In a recent study, it was reported that 33% of Americans were owed money from a friend or family member. The same study also reported that almost half of respondents say the debt has caused negative consequences to the relationship. Therefore, Sarah and I would NEVER lend money to a friend or family member.

Back to us being selfish (tongue in cheek). There's no amount of money I wouldn't give someone as a GIFT. If someone in my life needs something, I got them. If someone is hurting, I'll provide. If someone is facing a struggle, I'll write the check. On one condition, though. It's a GIFT. No paybacks. No guilt. No strings attached. They must lovingly receive the gift as a gift.....period.

If someone demands that they give something in return, here's what I say. "Down the road, after you've recovered from this situation, you're going to encounter someone who is hurting. Bless them. Help them. Serve them." That's called community. That's actual love.

Today, I'm begging you to NEVER lend money to a friend or family member again. Don't risk the relationship over some stupid money. Also, don't leave them hanging. If someone in your life is hurting, step into the gap and share some of what you have. No paybacks. No guilt. No strings attached. Be a true blessing to them. You might just change their lives, and in turn, eventually change other people's lives through them. It's the circle of generosity rippling through our communities.

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Unbusy

Well, summer is here! The kids just finished second grade and look forward to a fun summer. Countless people have asked me a very common question: "Do you have a busy summer planned?"

We have an unbusy summer planned. I feel like life is already too busy and can easily get out of control. Summers are just the same. Busy, busy, busy. Our strategy is simple, though. We are going to spend the summer unbusy.

Sure, we have a few trips planned and there are some activities here and there. However, most days are completely wide open.......by design. Busy does not mean valuable. Busy does not mean good. Busy does not mean meaningful.

In fact, I'd argue being unbusy can be even more meaningful. I so much cherish the slow, spontaneous moments of an unbusy summer. The out-of-the-blue bonfires, the impulsive trips to eat ice cream, the spur-of-the-moment basketball challenges, the on-a-whim drive-in theater adventures, the spontaneous opportunities for generosity. Those are the most special memories in our house. Unbusy, but flexible.

Just yesterday alone, I played Pax one-on-one in basketball, cooked steaks with Finn, and shared some cruising time in the convertible with Pax. These memories are priceless, yet free or almost free. It's not about some grandiose adventure that costs several days and many thousands of dollars. It's about slowing down enough when it counts so that we can be present. Small but powerful moments.

I'm used to the following conversation:

Friend: "What do you have going on this weekend?"

Me: "Absolutely nothing. We don't have anything planned."

Friend: "Those are good sometimes."

Me: "We try to make that every weekend."

Friend: ........

Unbusy. Those who know me well know how much I've struggled with busy in my life. I have a bit of a reputation....spanning decades. However, this is one area of unbusy I've been able to dial in. My family will not fall into the culture of busy. It's worn as a badge of honor in our society, but I reject that. Unbusy is the plan. We'll fight for that each day and each week this summer, and we'll absolutely fail at times, but we'll give it our best shot.

I hope some of you will join us in the pursuit of an unbusy summer.

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But Would You Live For Them?

I was having drinks with a handful of guy friends recently. There were four of us in total. We discussed all the normal-type things: Family, work, sports, faith, and upcoming travel plans. The conversation evolved to a bit of a morbid topic, triggered by a recent news story about a family that was attacked by a random assailant.

"I would die for my family," exclaimed one of my friends. One by one, each of my friends said the same thing. As a husband and father, they would die for their family. Noble. I agreed with them about this sentiment. If push came to shove, I would sacrifice myself for my family.

However, I asked a follow-up question. "Yeah, but would you live for your family?"

They looked at me, puzzled. For the ten minutes before this topic, each of them shared about how miserable they were in their respective careers and lives. All three of these guys are massively successful, as defined by the world, but each secretly lives in misery.

Each one of these men has achieved something in their lives, and in an effort to retain the comfort, stability, and ease of this new lifestyle, they continuously make choices to maintain the status quo. In other words, they are drowning in their own pool of comfort. In the sports world, it's called "playing not to lose."

None of them is actually living (their words), and their lives are struggling as a result. There's tension in their marriages and tension in their parenting. Their careers suck. Time keeps ticking too fast, but at the same time, not fast enough to finally get to this retirement finish line they fantasize about. They are depressed but mask it in normalcy. The life they are living isn't actually living. It's a form of delayed dying.

I think most people would willfully die for their family, but many won't actually live for their family. Here's the modern-day recipe for a day in the life:

• Wake up and get ready.

• Spend 8-10 hours at a job you tolerate or dislike.

• Come home grumpy and disgruntled.

• Spend a few precious hours with family.

• Count down the days until the weekend arrives.

• Savor the weekend, which might include spending time with friends/family, going on a trip, and/or buying something fun.

• By Sunday afternoon, begin the dread of the Sunday Scaries.

• Wake up on Monday and repeat.

That's a comfortable life. That's a normal life. That's a predictable life. But is it living? Most people, when confronted with this question in an honest setting, will say "no."

Here are a few questions I ask myself:

• Am I pursuing work that matters when I wake up each morning?

• Am I seeking comfort or pushing myself out of my comfort zone?

• Am I actively serving God and serving others?

• Am I giving sacrificially?

• Am I embracing the adventure or playing it safe?

• Am I proud of what I model for my kids?

I think most of us would die for our family, no doubt! That's the sign of loyalty, love, and honor. But would you live for them? Are you willing to truly live?

My three friends desperately need a shift. They know it and I know it. It will take courage and the willingness to disregard society’s expectations. They can do this…..and so can you.

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A Terrible Daughter

I spent yesterday meeting with approximately 50 leaders from all over Colombia, discussing the importance of organizational standards. Standards in transparency, communication, governance, and financial responsibility, to name a few. It was a wonderful day, and I learned so much from the various leaders (each with his/her own perspective and discipline).

At one point in the meeting, my friend Gary asked our guests to stand and share their opinions on why these standards matter. One particular woman, a middle-aged attorney, said something that struck me. I wrote it down, as it was something I wanted to sear into my brain. As with most of my meetings here, my involvement is facilitated through translators, and we're blessed to have three amazing translators with us. (Side note: I'm constantly in awe of how these three women navigate this craft so well!). Here's what this guest said that knocked me off my feet:

"Disorder is the daughter of improvisation. Without standards comes chaos, and eventually failure."

Standards mean everything! I regularly write about the importance of being excellent. Whether you're trying to thrive in your career or successfully run your business, the key is excellence. Excellence, excellence, excellence. However, excellence is born from standards.

Or, as I visually represented to our Colombian team later in the day, you can't have excellence without standards, and you can't have growth without excellence. Standards > Excellence > Growth. Therefore, everything begins with standards. If we try to be excellent without having standards, we've failed before we even start. If we try to grow without being excellent, it's like a house built on sand.....it will eventually collapse.

What are your standards? This is a question we must each ask ourselves. Whether it's in the operation of our family's finances, our careers, our parenting, our marriages, or our businesses, it all begins with standards. My friend TJ says it best: "We don't rise to the level of our aspirations. We fall to the level of our standards." If you tell me what your standards are, I'll tell you what your ceiling is.

My clients who set rock-solid standards will inevitably thrive. Yes, they will be met with stress, tension, turmoil, and unwanted surprises; that's life! However, when standards are established, and then met, success (as dictated by their standards) is nearly inevitable.

My encouragement today is to think about your standards. What standards have you set in the way you approach the various aspects of your life? I can tell you my life is thriving in the areas where I set high standards.....and struggling in the areas where I failed to set standards. I need only look in the mirror to reflect the harsh reality of this principle. Standards mean everything.

I'm so grateful for all my Colombian friends and the memories we made yesterday in Medellín. There are days we will take the to grave with us….yesterday was one of those days for me. After 14 straight hours of meetings, mission, and memories, we ended the night with a little impulsive decision to jump into the rooftop hot tub at our hotel (in the rain, nonetheless). This is the view that concluded our day.

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Mission and Memories…and One More Thing

Many years ago, during a double dinner date in Hong Kong, my friend Gary Hoag said something that has permanently stuck with me:

"There are two things worth investing in. Mission and memories."

I didn't realize it back then, but those words would rock my world from that point forward. If I were to summarize my day-to-day, week-to-week, month-to-month, and year-to-year decisions, 90% of what I do would fall into one of those two buckets. Mission and memories. 

This week, I get to experience both with Gary. Today kicks off a series of meetings and adventures in Medellín, Colombia, beginning with a tour of some coffee farms. Over the coming hours, I'll be laboring in the coffee fields, trying to gain a better understanding of what a day in the life of a Colombian coffee farmer looks like. I couldn't be more excited for this, and I hope I take away something profound and impactful for the greater mission. 

Gary and I were able to link up at the Houston airport before our flight to Medellín.

While Gary lives in the U.S., I've seen him more often abroad than in America. We've traveled the world together, spoken together, worshipped together, camped together, fished together (though what I did barely resembled fishing), and written books together. We've traversed the Great Wall of China together, explored the vastness of the Mongolian wilderness together, scaled Hong Kong's Victoria's Peak together, and meandered through the night markets of Thailand together. 

Memories, memories, memories. And, oh, the mission! Each one of those memories is rooted in mission. Deep, meaningful mission. But do you see the other common thread running through all this? Relationships. We weren't meant to do this alone. Mission and memories aren't for us to prove we're good enough to do it ourselves. In fact, it's the opposite. There's a multiplication effect that happens when we integrate our relationships with mission and memories. One plus one does not equal two; it often equals something far greater than we can imagine. 

There's no telling what impact we can have if we bring others into the fold. This week's mission isn't for me to hoard all to myself. This isn't something I get to individually endeavor, and then tell everyone how cool I am. One person can move the needle, but a group working together for a shared cause can change the world. I can't wait to share more about the vision and invite you to join me.

I don't know how today's post will land, but regardless of what your weekend looks like, I hope you internalize (and incorporate) Gary's words as I did: "There are two things worth investigating in. Mission and memories." Oh yeah, and bring someone else along as well!

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Riddle Me This

For the first time in my life, I stumbled into someone (on TikTok of all places) discussing a topic I've spent far too much time thinking about. It's a topic I've had opinions on for decades, and finally, it's part of the public discourse!

Let's pretend you and a friend go out for dinner. The intent was for each person to pay for their own meal. When the bill comes, though, the server communicates that they have a no-split policy. You decide to pick up the tab for the table, and your friend will pay you back. You can replace this scenario with countless others, but this is a simple way to frame this up.

The next day, your friend asks how much you owe him/her. The exact amount owed is $27.65. What amount do you communicate with your friend?

• A. $27.00

• B. $27.65

• C. $28.00

Take a second and think about what you would tell your friend.

I believe each answer is a tell, and I'm about to unload this deep, dark thought I've been carrying for decades.

If your friend owes you $27.65 and you tell them they owe you $27.65, this is a tell that you live by the letter of the law. You want everything above board, no gray area. You want to ensure you don't feel indebted to the other person, even by a few cents. Or……it just might mean you’re an accountant and anything but two full decimals is akin to blasphemy.

If your friend owes you $27.65 and you tell them they owe you $28.00, this is a tell that you want to ensure nobody takes advantage of you. After all, you're the one who stepped up and took one for the team by buying for the table. $28 is a nice round number, and it's only fair this is their tab. Besides, it's only 35 cents!

If your friend owes you $27.65 and you tell them they owe you $27.00, this is a tell that you live with a spirit of generosity....even in the smallest and most unseen ways. It's a generous act to round down what they owe you, giving them a slightly better number than yours. It's also an act of generosity to make it a simple number. It's a small, real-time act that shows you have their back.

This isn't a profound or earth-shattering concept today, but perhaps it will make you look in the mirror. What would you tell your friend? Also, you're welcome for now permanently possessing the curse of constantly and intently watching how other people answer this question. It's telling.

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Must Be Nice

"Must be nice." Ah, gotta love that phrase. "Must be nice" is a politer way to say "You got lucky" or "I'm jealous." It's also a phrase that signals the beginning of the end. The mere utterance of these words signals that your inputs are detached from your outputs. Using this phrase means outcomes are not correlated with executon. Mentioning this phrase means you've lost before you've even had a chance to play the game.

These words were said to me on Saturday afternoon on the heels of the Downtown Des Moines Farmers' Market. My friend saw our huge line as he passed through the market and had some "feedback" for me afterward. He gave me permission to write about it, so that took away some of the sting. In short, though, he attributed our long lines to good fortune. Right place, right time.

He's not alone in this sentiment, and this doesn't just apply to Northern Vessel. If you've built something that matters (whether it be a business or career), there are countless people in your life who are sopping with jealousy. Or, in the words of one of my business owner clients, "Travis, you're the only person in our lives we can even talk to about this stuff. You're the only one who will genuinely celebrate with us." He, too, gets lots of "It must be nice" comments. Jealousy is everywhere.

The truth is, it does feel nice. It feels wonderful to create something that matters. However, ahead of that niceness is a ton of blood, sweat, tears, pain, suffering, failure, and growth.

In this conversation, my friend asked what I attributed our success to. I think there are a lot of reasons for it, and they all revolve around inputs, not outputs. While most people believe in obsessing about the outputs, we believe in obsessing over the inputs and merely measuring the outputs.

Here are some of our inputs:

• We're obsessed with finding the right people. It's extremely difficult to get hired at NV. TJ's standards and expectations are brutally high.

• Financially, we believe in paying our team ridiculously well. TJ hasn't given me permission to share specifics (yet!), but we created a compensation structure for the farmer's market that boggles the mind. Interests are aligned, and our team is incentivized to crush it.

• In turn, the work is a grind! It's like going to battle. Our team goes into market days knowing they will be wreckedby the time we're done. My hope is they look back on that experience and say, wow, that was awesome!

• Unreasonable hospitality. It's not good enough to quickly serve a coffee. Anyone can serve a coffee. But can you make people feel a certain way while doing it? The experience is everything.

• Constant obsession with getting better and more efficient. "Good enough" isn't good enough. Every team member has the green light to propose ideas for "better."

I pray you get rid of the phrase "It must be nice" from your life, and keep all the "It must be nice" people at arm's length. Whatever you're into, obsess about the inputs and measure the outputs. Keep going! "Nice" is coming.

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