The Many Paths to Neither-ville

I have to admit, my recent piece titled Givers, Receivers, Neithers, and Eithers has quickly become one of my favorite things I've ever written. You had a lot to say about this one, too, and I loved reading your perspectives, insights, encouragement, and criticism. Many of you suggested that there are more than four camps of people, citing specific examples. Upon processing, I still believe there are only four camps.

Here's something interesting, though. Each example someone brought up was valid. I agree with and affirm every one. However, these examples weren't different camps, but rather various paths to Neither-ville.

Here's how I described Neithers in my prior post: "Neithers, the most common group in America, believe in personal responsibility, independence, and autonomy. They believe people ought to help themselves, but if they don't (or can't), there's someone else responsible for stepping in. Neithers closely associate their hard work with their money, and have a desire to use said money to progress their family's interests (security, wealth, comfort, lifestyle, or status). Neithers are proud to make it on their own. They'd rather suffer harsh consequences than take a handout from someone. "I don't need help" is a common phrase Neithers would think or say."

Based on my verbiage, the primary reason for Neithers being Neithers is a core belief in personal responsibility, independence, and autonomy. That's 100% true, and I'll die on that hill. However, that's not the only path to Neither-ville; there are many paths! That's why our collective aggregation toward Nither-ville is so pervasive.

With that said, here's a more complete list of how people find their way into the Neither camp:

• Greed. This one is fairly obvious. If we genuinely believe what we have is ours, and having more is better than having less, we develop a natural predisposition to be a Neither. This typically aligns with people whose mission is to "build wealth" or keep up with the Joneses.

• Hoarding. This one is similar to greed, but with a purer intent. For various reasons (typically involving childhood experiences), some people develop a scarcity mindset and a subsequent predisposition to hoard financial assets. For these people, there's never enough to be enough, thus giving becomes nearly impossible.

• Fear. Similar to hoarders, fear-based people often experience financial trauma in their childhoods, resulting in a perpetual fear that everything will be taken away at any minute. This creates much friction when generosity is in play.

• FIRE. There's an entire segment of our population that subscribes to FIRE (Financial Independence Retire Early). These people are racing to retirement, and any act of generosity delays their frantic pace toward the coveted end of their careers. Thus, generosity gets left in the dust.

• Narcissism. For some, everything really is about them, and when that happens, it becomes nearly impossible to look outside of themselves to see the bigger picture. Narcissists struggle to give, as giving rarely serves their self-interests.

• Bubbles. Some people, at no fault of their own, live in a bubble. They have their own problems and are unaware of the plight of others. In their mind, they "need" the resources just as much (or more) than others, thus opting to hold the resources for themselves.

As a recovering Neither, I can confidently attest that everyone can move out of the Neither camp and into the Either camp. Whatever your hurdles, just know there's so much beauty on the other side of this.

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Symptoms vs. Afflictions

My kids have brutal seasonal allergies. Just a few weeks ago, Pax's eyes were nearly swollen shut when he got out of bed. He also had the sniffles and the sneezes.....he was a mess!

When Sarah saw him, she didn't say to me, "Travis, we need to treat his swollen eyes." No, of course not. No amount of eye drops would have fixed that problem. She said, "We need to do something about his allergies." This is intuitive, of course, and any other approach would be laughable. We don't address the symptoms; we address the affliction. The disease, the sickness, the root cause. In Pax's case, he didn't have a case of swollen eye syndrome. He had seasonal allergies, and one of the symptoms was swollen eyes.

In yesterday's post, I shared about how three of my friends are secretly miserable. In the post, I talked about how many of us are willing to die for our family, but at the same time, aren't willing to actually live for our family.

I highlighted what a day in the life often looks like for people stuck in a misery loop. Part of this loop involved a feeling of discontentment with one's work. However, I didn't specify if the misery is caused by work or if the misery felt at work is caused by a broader issue. This is a classic example of symptoms vs. afflictions. Which causes which?

The truth is, it varies from person to person. In the case of my three friends, two of them have work that is an affliction. It's toxic for them. They are doing the wrong jobs for the wrong reasons. It's eating them from the inside out, which is leaking into other areas of their lives.

The third man, however, is a different story. The misery he feels at work is a symptom of a broader issue. Notice how when I laid out a series of questions I ask myself about whether I'm actually living, only one of the six questions involved work. The other five questions revolved around other aspects of life. In the case of this particular man, he was violating several other questions, and the misery he experienced at work was a symptom.....not the affliction. In fact, he could have the best job in the entire world, and he'd probably still feel miserable. That's what it looks like when we're not actually living.

Perspective matters, and in the case of our work, we need to realize that our mindset and attitude impact our experience. If we're not actually living, there's no amount of job changes that will make us feel meaning in our work. Therefore, it's imperative that we pursue meaning in ALL areas of our lives. If we’re not right, we need to look inside for the affliction instead of treating every external symptom like it’s the problem.

I shared my post and some of your feedback with my three friends. It didn't solve their issues, but it certainly opened up some new dialogue. Thanks so much for that! These three men deserve to actually live, which may or may not involve different work. But that's why it's so important to recognize the difference between afflictions and symptoms in our lives. Acknowledge symptoms and treat afflictions.

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But Would You Live For Them?

I was having drinks with a handful of guy friends recently. There were four of us in total. We discussed all the normal-type things: Family, work, sports, faith, and upcoming travel plans. The conversation evolved to a bit of a morbid topic, triggered by a recent news story about a family that was attacked by a random assailant.

"I would die for my family," exclaimed one of my friends. One by one, each of my friends said the same thing. As a husband and father, they would die for their family. Noble. I agreed with them about this sentiment. If push came to shove, I would sacrifice myself for my family.

However, I asked a follow-up question. "Yeah, but would you live for your family?"

They looked at me, puzzled. For the ten minutes before this topic, each of them shared about how miserable they were in their respective careers and lives. All three of these guys are massively successful, as defined by the world, but each secretly lives in misery.

Each one of these men has achieved something in their lives, and in an effort to retain the comfort, stability, and ease of this new lifestyle, they continuously make choices to maintain the status quo. In other words, they are drowning in their own pool of comfort. In the sports world, it's called "playing not to lose."

None of them is actually living (their words), and their lives are struggling as a result. There's tension in their marriages and tension in their parenting. Their careers suck. Time keeps ticking too fast, but at the same time, not fast enough to finally get to this retirement finish line they fantasize about. They are depressed but mask it in normalcy. The life they are living isn't actually living. It's a form of delayed dying.

I think most people would willfully die for their family, but many won't actually live for their family. Here's the modern-day recipe for a day in the life:

• Wake up and get ready.

• Spend 8-10 hours at a job you tolerate or dislike.

• Come home grumpy and disgruntled.

• Spend a few precious hours with family.

• Count down the days until the weekend arrives.

• Savor the weekend, which might include spending time with friends/family, going on a trip, and/or buying something fun.

• By Sunday afternoon, begin the dread of the Sunday Scaries.

• Wake up on Monday and repeat.

That's a comfortable life. That's a normal life. That's a predictable life. But is it living? Most people, when confronted with this question in an honest setting, will say "no."

Here are a few questions I ask myself:

• Am I pursuing work that matters when I wake up each morning?

• Am I seeking comfort or pushing myself out of my comfort zone?

• Am I actively serving God and serving others?

• Am I giving sacrificially?

• Am I embracing the adventure or playing it safe?

• Am I proud of what I model for my kids?

I think most of us would die for our family, no doubt! That's the sign of loyalty, love, and honor. But would you live for them? Are you willing to truly live?

My three friends desperately need a shift. They know it and I know it. It will take courage and the willingness to disregard society’s expectations. They can do this…..and so can you.

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One Round At a Time

One of my family's favorite traditions is our weekly Saturday morning Northern Vessel runs. We hop into the car, head to the shop, and enjoy coffee as a family. It's one of my favorite traditions, and marks the end of a great week.

Yesterday, we were perched on the front window bench, enjoying the sun on our backs. Noticing we are now stocking a new drink in the fridge, Pax asked if we could buy one for him to try.

"Sure, bud, but you gotta be the one who buys it."

I've been setting the boys up for these types of real-world interactions since they were five. It's scary for them, often uncomfortable. Forcing them to engage with other adults in a transactional or financial setting can be scary for kids.....which is exactly why I create these types of scenarios.

Pax, now eight and having done this enough times to know I wasn't going to relent, responded, "Okay. Do you want me to use cash or the debit card?"

"Whichever one you want."

"I'll try cash this time."

Then, I gave him my usual pep talk:

• Speak loudly

• Communicate clearly

• Be confident

• Use your pleases and thank-you's

Without hesitation (a new and welcomed development), he took the cash, grabbed his beverage, and approached the register. Then, in a fun little twist of fate, he was met by Antonio, one of our newest baristas. Since we aren't a normal coffee shop, Antonio isn't a normal barista. Antonio is a 6'9" undefeated professional heavyweight boxer. He's a beast. Even I can be intimidated by Antonio! To Pax, he might as well have been Ivan Drago.

Pax handled himself like a little champ, though. He was probably a bit intimidated, but just like Rocky, he didn't back down. I was really proud of how Pax navigated the situation, which is undoubtedly the product of having done this countless times over the past three years. One round at a time, as Rocky's trainer would say!

As parents, it's imperative that we place our kids in these types of situations. Yes, it can be scary. Yes, it can be intimidating. Yes, they are going to fail. Yes, it would be easier to do it ourselves. However, these are the types of repetitions that slowly turn our children into thriving adults.

Furthermore, I'm grateful to Antonio for offering such kindness and hospitality to Pax. That was an intimidating situation, and Antonio allowed Pax to work his way through it and come away with satisfaction and confidence. Antonio is the man!

Parents, please don't rob your children of these types of situations. It might seem simple and meaningless, but these little repetitions can mean everything. Our children deserve to learn about how to use and handle money, as well as real-world interactions with other adults. These are small and powerful wins. Force them. Embrace them. Celebrate them.

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Happy Anniversary, Wall!

Yesterday was a huge day for us at Northern Vessel. No, it wasn't the anniversary of our opening. No, we didn't hit any particular milestones. No, we didn't launch any new products. In fact, practically nobody even knew it was a significant day. As of right now, the only ones in the know are me, the other two owners, our team, and now, you.

Yesterday was the first and only one-year anniversary of not having a car crash through our shop's walls. We've been open for nearly three years, and until yesterday, we've never gone 12 months without having our space devastated by a speeding vehicle.

It's easy to laugh about this today, but the truth is, we've always laughed about it. No, we never found it particularly funny having our business and the safety of our guests/staff put at risk by the misdeeds of reckless people. The truth is, though, we only had two choices: laugh about it or cry about it. We chose laughter.

Regardless of what industry, discipline, career, or role we're in, we WILL be faced with brutal challenges. Obstacles, tragedies, misfortunes, and many other similar words that reek of misery. These types of things are inevitable, but our reaction to them isn't. The onus is on each of us to respond well.

Sure, we could have played the victim card. Our beautiful shop was devastated by a car in August 2023, bringing all our good momentum to a halt. We had everything going for us, then BOOM! (literally), all that good work turned into wreckage. We closed for a few days before reopening with our beautiful glass windows replaced with ugly plywood.

You can probably imagine how euphoric it felt to finally have a fully operational shop in March 2024 when the construction was complete. We were so happy to be back to normal! We spent the next several weeks re-building momentum, preparing for what was sure to be an amazing summer.

Then, in the worst form of deja vu, terror struck again in May 2024 when a second car crushed us again. Devastating! However, we again chose to laugh. A poor attitude wasn't going to fix anything. Instead, we endeavored forward, committed to the vision of providing world-class hospitality despite the new eyesore and hindered operation.

Yesterday, though, we celebrated one year of being car crash-free. We rejoice in the fact our shop is beautiful, our team is thriving, and our guests are joyful.

Nothing will go the way we plan (or hope), so we must continue forward, one step at a time. While I'm talking about a coffee shop, I'm not really talking about a coffee shop. This is our lives. This is our finances. This is our businesses. This is our careers. This is our relationships. We can laugh or we can cry. We can give up, or we can carry on. We can be a victim, or we can push forward. There are a million things that can bring your dreams to a halt. Don't let them. Laugh, persevere, and keep up the good work.

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Feel a Way, Man

"Tell me about your work." I was sitting face-to-face with a stranger, a man I had just met 30 minutes prior. He solicited me for some advice, and we were just getting to know each other. We chatted about family, sports, backgrounds, hobbies....all the normal stuff. Then, I changed the subject: "Tell me about your work." His eyes instantly lit up, and a huge smile landed on his face as if there was an awakening inside him.

"My work makes me feel a way, man! Does that even make sense?"

Oh man, I connected so deeply with that. My work makes me feel a way, too, man! He proceeded to explain how much joy, fulfillment, satisfaction, and meaning he gets from his job. The job: A janitor at a well-known business. I couldn't have loved that more!

We live in a society that glorifies self-employment, entrepreneurship, and advanced degrees. Meanwhile, I was sitting with a man who was neither self-employed nor formally educated. He is working a nine-to-five at a mediocre-paying job, and he's thriving!

This is how it's supposed to be. Who am I, or anyone else, to tell him what work matters and what work doesn't? Heck, people should be jealous of him. This man truly loves his life......all of his life. He wakes up excited for work, thrives in his job, and then goes home to a family he loves. He pursued work that matters, and he's living his best life.

The advice he sought from me wasn't how he could make $x more money or build more wealth, but rather how to make the best use of his family's current resources. Contentment and a desire to do the right thing. Again, I admire him so much!

Do you feel a way about your work? Most people do, but it's feeling a way that they wouldn't wish on their worst enemy. Most people feel pretty crappy about their job or, worse, numbness.

I feel a way about my work. I get a little giddy just thinking about what I get to do. Nearly every single day of my week is eagerly anticipated. Not every moment of every day, but nearly every day. I feel a way about my work that makes me sad to realize that a day will come when I won't get to work any longer. I hope that day doesn't come for many more decades, but that's not entirely in my control.

I hope you can relate to my new janitor friend. I hope you can look at yourself in the mirror and say, "My work makes me feel a way, man!" If this makes you cringe or feel like punching this guy (or me) in the face, it might be a sign. Amazing is out there, and all it requires is for us to seek it out. Yes, we can linger in our current situation and simply ride it out. That option is on the table, but I think people deserve better than that. I think everyone deserves to feel a way, man.

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Givers, Receivers, Neithers, and Eithers

We got a problem. I know that's not correct grammar, but it sounds better. We got a problem!

Worldwide, we've developed twisted perspectives on generosity. Notice how I said worldwide. This isn't an us problem or a them problem. It's an our problem. I've witnessed this problem first-hand in more than 30 countries, with each culture carrying its own version of twisted.

First, please allow me to illustrate how I see it. Each of us can be placed into one of four camps: Givers, Receivers, Neithers, and Eithers. 

Givers recognize they have achieved some level of financial success (with varying definitions) and feel some combination of opportunity or responsibility to give. When this perspective is combined with action, they become givers. However, Givers often struggle to receive because, well, they are givers. They are blessed. They are "successful." Therefore, they perpetually live on the giving side of the ledger.

Receivers recognize they fall on the lower end of the economic scale. They see how people all around them are better off, leading them (whether voluntarily or begrudgingly) to categorize themselves as receivers of generosity. This generosity might be formal (governmental or private programs) or more casual (gifts or favors from people in their circles and community). Notice how I didn't call them takers. Sure, there are takers in this camp, but takers are the minority. Most receivers have humility (and sometimes shame) with their status as receivers. 

Neithers, the most common group in America, believe in personal responsibility, independence, and autonomy. They believe people ought to help themselves, but if they don’t (or can’t), there's someone else responsible for stepping in. Neithers closely associate their hard work with their money, and have a desire to use said money to progress their family's interests (security, wealth, comfort, lifestyle, or status). Neithers are proud to make it on their own. They'd rather suffer harsh consequences than take a handout from someone. "I don't need help" is a common phrase Neithers would think or say.

Finally, we have Eithers. Eithers are a rare breed, both in America and abroad. Eithers are hard to pin down. They might be upper-class, middle-class, or lower-class. On one hand, they recognize they are blessed in some way. Perhaps not as much as their friend, neighbor, or family member, but blessed nonetheless. This mindset compels them to act with generosity. On the other hand, they live with a posture of humility and understand they need to be willing recipients of generosity from others. It might be during a hard season of life, in a particular area of life, or simply to allow others the gift of being a blessing.

Eithers are weird! One minute, they are trying to make ends meet, and the next, they are openly giving to someone else. This could even happen on the same day. Talk about giving/receiving whiplash! It's like the widowed single mom from yesterday's post. She struggles at times, and finances can feel tight, but at the same time, she lives with joyful, open-handed generosity. 

Eithers are awesome!!! While they are a rare breed today, I dream of a day when Eithers comprise the majority of society; an army of Eithers! Love, generosity, humility, community, joy, contentment, and meaning. I think Eithers have it figured out!

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Enough

At what point in your life is it time to start giving financially?

Is it a certain income? 

Is it once you meet xyz financial goals?

Is it a certain standard of living?

Is it a certain level of stability or security?

I’m going to share a few stories, all related to the same topic:

I recently met with a 40-something couple that makes an annual household income of $380,000. They have a heart to give, but they don’t feel ready yet. According to them, they might be ready to start giving once the husband receives his next promotion. Until then, there’s just not enough margin. 

I recently met with a 20-something couple that has $50,000 in consumer debt. They have a heart to give, but don’t feel ready yet. According to them, they might be ready to start giving once they are debt-free. Until then, it doesn’t feel like the "responsible" thing to do.

I recently met with a couple who have two teenagers at home. They have a heart to give, but don’t feel ready yet. According to them, they might be ready to start giving once the kids are done with college. Until then, they need to save those resources.

I recently met with a 30-something couple who run tremendously successful businesses. They have a heart to give, but don’t feel ready yet. According to them, they will start giving once they feel more secure. Until then, they need to hoard more assets to create a better sense of security.

I recently met with a widowed single mom who has a limited income. Resources are tight, but giving is at the center of her family’s life. According to her, “As long as my kids are fed, I have enough.”

One is not like the other. I’m playing the role of Captain Obvious here, but the widowed single mom has the lowest standard of living of the bunch……and it’s not even close. In fact, several of the other families make more in a month than this woman makes in a year. The disparity is stark. Here’s a less intuitive observation. This widowed single mom with a low income lives her life with more freedom and joy than each of the other families. Why? One key word: “Enough.” Contentment. Humility. If her kids have enough food to eat, she has enough. And if we have enough, we certainly have something to give. 

Do you have a roof over your head? Do you have enough food to eat? If the answer to these two questions is “Yes,” you have something to give. No qualifiers, no “buts,” no justifications. Yes, your something will be different than someone else’s something, but something is still something.

Here’s a reality, though. There’s always a reason not to give today, and tomorrow, there will be another reason not to give. There’s always a reason not to give, and if we’re not careful, we’ll qualify, “but,” and justify our way out of generosity until the day we die. YOU have something to give. Not someday. Not after you attain a certain income, meet certain goals, achieve a certain standard of living, attain a certain level of stability or security, or reach a certain age. Today. Now. Always. 

This is the true path to freedom and joy. It feels ironic, but it's the best irony of them all.

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A Terrible Daughter

I spent yesterday meeting with approximately 50 leaders from all over Colombia, discussing the importance of organizational standards. Standards in transparency, communication, governance, and financial responsibility, to name a few. It was a wonderful day, and I learned so much from the various leaders (each with his/her own perspective and discipline).

At one point in the meeting, my friend Gary asked our guests to stand and share their opinions on why these standards matter. One particular woman, a middle-aged attorney, said something that struck me. I wrote it down, as it was something I wanted to sear into my brain. As with most of my meetings here, my involvement is facilitated through translators, and we're blessed to have three amazing translators with us. (Side note: I'm constantly in awe of how these three women navigate this craft so well!). Here's what this guest said that knocked me off my feet:

"Disorder is the daughter of improvisation. Without standards comes chaos, and eventually failure."

Standards mean everything! I regularly write about the importance of being excellent. Whether you're trying to thrive in your career or successfully run your business, the key is excellence. Excellence, excellence, excellence. However, excellence is born from standards.

Or, as I visually represented to our Colombian team later in the day, you can't have excellence without standards, and you can't have growth without excellence. Standards > Excellence > Growth. Therefore, everything begins with standards. If we try to be excellent without having standards, we've failed before we even start. If we try to grow without being excellent, it's like a house built on sand.....it will eventually collapse.

What are your standards? This is a question we must each ask ourselves. Whether it's in the operation of our family's finances, our careers, our parenting, our marriages, or our businesses, it all begins with standards. My friend TJ says it best: "We don't rise to the level of our aspirations. We fall to the level of our standards." If you tell me what your standards are, I'll tell you what your ceiling is.

My clients who set rock-solid standards will inevitably thrive. Yes, they will be met with stress, tension, turmoil, and unwanted surprises; that's life! However, when standards are established, and then met, success (as dictated by their standards) is nearly inevitable.

My encouragement today is to think about your standards. What standards have you set in the way you approach the various aspects of your life? I can tell you my life is thriving in the areas where I set high standards.....and struggling in the areas where I failed to set standards. I need only look in the mirror to reflect the harsh reality of this principle. Standards mean everything.

I'm so grateful for all my Colombian friends and the memories we made yesterday in Medellín. There are days we will take the to grave with us….yesterday was one of those days for me. After 14 straight hours of meetings, mission, and memories, we ended the night with a little impulsive decision to jump into the rooftop hot tub at our hotel (in the rain, nonetheless). This is the view that concluded our day.

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Taking the Beans For Granted

Have you ever wondered why coffee is so expensive? Yeah, me too! The cost of buying a small bag of quality beans feels exceedingly high. However, after what I experienced yesterday, I'm beginning to wonder why coffee is so cheap.

I spent the day with my new Colombian and Guatemalan friends touring a coffee farm and experiencing what a day in the life of a Colombian coffee farmer looks like. In short, I was astounded by what I saw and experienced. First, one perk of being a Colombian coffee farmer: the views!!! Check out how beautiful this is.

Considering I co-own a coffee company, I feel pretty well-versed. However, that changed yesterday when I had the privilege of seeing it from the producer's point of view. What astounds me most about coffee is how many things must go right for a delicious cup of coffee to reach our hands. It's almost a miracle.

First, the land, climate, and environment must be right to raise quality coffee. The right plants must be planted in the right locations, and cared for accordingly.

Second, and most surprising to me, is the harvesting process. The act of harvesting quality coffee is far more manual than I could have imagined. Each cherry is picked by hand, and must be picked at the precise moment of ripeness, ensuring any bad cherries are excluded. And we're not talking about skipping through vast open fields of coffee. It's more like carefully navigating the steep slopes of a mountain, making sure you don't careen off the edge in the process. Oh yeah, and the ground is probably wet while you're doing it.

Not-yet-ripe coffee cherries

Next comes the separation and drying. Each seed must be extracted from the fruit, then intentionally and methodically dried in the sun for upwards of 25 days. There are several methods to accomplish these goals, each requiring a diligent process.

Once the seeds have been dried and turned into green coffee beans, they need to be roasted. This is where my coffee knowledge starts to pick up. Roasting is both an art and a science. And unless the roaster knows what they are doing, even the best coffee beans in the world will taste like dirt. The craft of roasting well allows us to take high-quality green coffee beans and turn them into something beautiful.

Lastly, once the beans have been roasted, they must be prepared well for the final beverage to be delicious. Even the best beans, roasted at the highest quality, but prepared poorly, can be disgusting.

Five things need to go well in order for a cup of coffee to be delicious:

1. The plants must be appropriately placed and cared for.

2. The harvest must be completed with excellence.

3. The separation and drying need to be executed with intentionality.

4. The dried coffee beans must be roasted exquisitely.

5. The roasted coffee must be prepared with care.

If any one of these steps falters, it's a fail.

So, considering all that, I'm shocked quality coffee is as cheap as it is. Seeing what I saw yesterday makes me wonder what other things in my life I'm taking for granted. What else am I not fully appreciating for what it truly is? Perhaps I need to be more grateful for more of the blessings I have in my life. Who or what am I not giving enough credit to? Something I'll be thinking about today.

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Mission and Memories…and One More Thing

Many years ago, during a double dinner date in Hong Kong, my friend Gary Hoag said something that has permanently stuck with me:

"There are two things worth investing in. Mission and memories."

I didn't realize it back then, but those words would rock my world from that point forward. If I were to summarize my day-to-day, week-to-week, month-to-month, and year-to-year decisions, 90% of what I do would fall into one of those two buckets. Mission and memories. 

This week, I get to experience both with Gary. Today kicks off a series of meetings and adventures in Medellín, Colombia, beginning with a tour of some coffee farms. Over the coming hours, I'll be laboring in the coffee fields, trying to gain a better understanding of what a day in the life of a Colombian coffee farmer looks like. I couldn't be more excited for this, and I hope I take away something profound and impactful for the greater mission. 

Gary and I were able to link up at the Houston airport before our flight to Medellín.

While Gary lives in the U.S., I've seen him more often abroad than in America. We've traveled the world together, spoken together, worshipped together, camped together, fished together (though what I did barely resembled fishing), and written books together. We've traversed the Great Wall of China together, explored the vastness of the Mongolian wilderness together, scaled Hong Kong's Victoria's Peak together, and meandered through the night markets of Thailand together. 

Memories, memories, memories. And, oh, the mission! Each one of those memories is rooted in mission. Deep, meaningful mission. But do you see the other common thread running through all this? Relationships. We weren't meant to do this alone. Mission and memories aren't for us to prove we're good enough to do it ourselves. In fact, it's the opposite. There's a multiplication effect that happens when we integrate our relationships with mission and memories. One plus one does not equal two; it often equals something far greater than we can imagine. 

There's no telling what impact we can have if we bring others into the fold. This week's mission isn't for me to hoard all to myself. This isn't something I get to individually endeavor, and then tell everyone how cool I am. One person can move the needle, but a group working together for a shared cause can change the world. I can't wait to share more about the vision and invite you to join me.

I don't know how today's post will land, but regardless of what your weekend looks like, I hope you internalize (and incorporate) Gary's words as I did: "There are two things worth investigating in. Mission and memories." Oh yeah, and bring someone else along as well!

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The Chomp

In just a few hours, I'll board a flight to Medellín, Colombia. Then, over the next few days, I will meet people, see things, and discuss ideas that may potentially have a ripple effect for generations to come. Today is what I was referring to when I shared the idea of biting off more than we can chew. Today is the chomp.

If I'm being honest with myself, my life would be much easier and more comfortable if I had just stayed home today. I could spend the weekend relaxing with my kids, getting rested, and knocking out a bunch of important work projects early in the week. Instead, I'm waking up at 4AM on a Saturday and flying to South America to discuss things far bigger than me.

If I'm still being honest with myself, I wouldn't have it any other way. We weren't born to live easy or comfortable lives. We were born to serve others and make a difference. That looks different for each of us, and for me, this week, it means flying to Colombia.

If you look in the mirror and can say to yourself that your life feels pretty comfortable right now, I challenge you to change that. I challenge you to do something that puts you outside of your comfort zone. I've had seasons of comfort in my life. They feel good! It's like a warm and cozy blanket. I had time to do what I wanted. I had money to do what I wanted. In a lot of ways, I felt very much in control of my fate. That all sounds quite appealing......except it's a slow-acting poison. Nothing can lull us to sleep quite like comfort.

Here's one way I often look at it. If/when I'm living in comfort, I have to simultaneously recognize how much hurt, pain, suffering, brokenness, and discomfort is out there. Sure, I could create a beautiful little bubble for me and my family to comfortably live in, but that feels like a selfish and self-serving way to go through life. Then, I think about my favorite scripture:

Proverbs 3:27 - "Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in your power to act."

We all have something to give: Money, stuff, wisdom, service, influence, skills, experience, time, etc. We can sit in comfort, or we can choose to act.

I will be sharing a lot more about this trip in the coming days, but today, I wanted to set the table. Whatever is on your agenda today, I hope there's some discomfort woven into it. We weren't put here to pursue leisure, but rather, to pursue impact. Yes, find some leisure. Enjoy some leisure. Savor some leisure. But make sure it's woven into the discomfort and impact.

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And Just Like That

Do you remember that one time when the stock market was collapsing, everyone's retirement accounts were a dumpster fire, the end of our economy was upon us, and the world was essentially in a death spiral? Yeah, I remember that moment five weeks ago, too.

Just mere weeks ago, I received dozens of calls, texts, and messages from panicked friends, family, and clients, asking if they needed to sell out of all their investments. I gave them the same answer I've given everyone who has asked me this question for the past 20 years: "Don't do anything. It's fine. This is supposed to happen."

From February 19th through April 8th, the U.S. stock market fell by 19%. Some called it a collapse, or a crash, or a tailspin, or a meltdown. But in any event, it decreased by 19%.....people lost roughly 1/5 of their life savings. The media loved it!

Today, just five weeks later, the stock market has erased all the losses experienced since the beginning of the year. That's right, the stock market is UP for the year. As of last night, the U.S. stock market is up 0.6% for 2025. It's also up 11.5% in the previous 12 months.

Don't worry, though! There will be another reason for all of us to freak out next week. We'll find another debacle, dilemma, or disaster to point our finger at, swearing "This time, it's different!"

As for me (and hopefully those I have the privilege of serving through my coaching), we'll just be chillin' in our own little pieces of the world, staying busy living meaningful lives, trying to create impact on others, and losing zero sleep over all this stock market noise. Come join us!

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Line In the Sand

I made a lightning-quick trip to Los Angeles to give a talk earlier this week. The event was awesome, and the audience was tremendously engaging. In my closing remarks, I said out loud what most people were probably thinking. Every person in that room has made destructive and painful financial mistakes, whether they know it or not. It’s okay. That’s life. It happens. My plea to them was to give themselves grace. We can’t jump into a DeLorean and go back in time. The past is the past. The ONLY thing that matters is doing better today, tomorrow, and the next day. Every single mistake (financial or otherwise) they’ve made is a mere paragraph in their larger story. 

Regret, remorse, and guilt are inevitable human feelings. None of us can fully escape them. However, each of us can decide what to do with them. If we dwell on it, we will perpetually prevent ourselves from doing better in the future. We will fixate on the past, wallow in the pain it’s caused us, and continually beat ourselves up, wondering what could have been. The alternative, though, is to recognize what happened, learn from it, grow, and commit to doing better in the future. 

Every time I sit down with a new client, I ask them to draw a line in the sand. Where they are today is where they are…..period. Everything that’s happened in the past is in the past, and they are the author of what happens from today forward. People who can do this will thrive, while those who can’t will inevitably repeat history. 

Draw a line in the sand today. Whatever garbage is haunting you, financial or not, put it in the past. Today is a new day, and today is a great day to set a new course. A huge thanks to my friends in Los Angeles for hosting me,  and I couldn’t be more excited for that wonderful group of people I spent that evening with. This is where things get good!

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"I Think I'm a Flourless Cake"

I received an e-mail with the following subject line: "I think I'm a flourless cake." It was a callback to a recent blog post, where I used an analogy of baking a cake with all sugar and no flour, you know, because sugar tastes awesome and flour tastes gross. In my illustration, this is the equivalent of living a life that heavily overweights leisure and relaxation (the sugar) vs. work and impact (the flour). Just as a cake baked with all sugar would be disgusting, so too is a life built primarily around leisure and fun. The sugar is what makes life taste good, but the proper ratio of flour is what makes it moist and delicious.

The writer of this e-mail explained to me how much my flourless cake analogy struck him. It was almost as if I was staring into his soul. He said his family and personal life are amazing, but he hates his job. He's one of those people who craves Fridays and hates Mondays. But that's ok, he thinks to himself, as his crappy work situation doesn't define him.

This has led him to the point, like so many others, of glorifying retirement in the pursuit of far more sugar and much less flour. After all, sugar tastes good and flour tastes gross. In his mind, if he can just make as much money as quickly as he can, so he can invest as much money as quickly as he can, he can retire as early as he can. Boom, problem solved.

Enter my recent blog post, a "wake-up call," as he puts it. Is swimming in misery for the sake of expediting a retirement really the most meaningful approach to life? Until recently, he believed so. But then, as he thought about what actually makes life meaningful, this idea of merely living a life of leisure sounds equally unappealing. His twisted perspective is setting himself up to endure many more years of misery, followed by a meaningless life of leisure.

What's the solution? Here's what he said. "Maybe you're right. Maybe I need to just live a meaningful life right now. It's hard to quit racing toward retirement, but maybe I'm defining success in the wrong way."

A meaningful life isn't defined by money, stuff, status, or a retirement age. It's defined by having the right ratio of sugar and flour. It's waking up each day knowing today is going to matter, and going to bed at night excited for what's to come tomorrow. Not just two days per week, but every day.

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Losing Battles, Winning Wars

My boys suffered a heartbreaking loss on the football field on Saturday. It was the final pre-playoffs game of the year, and the kids couldn’t have been more excited. From the get-go, it just wasn’t their day. Their team made decent plays, but couldn’t stop their opponent to save their lives. They were somehow blessed with an opportunity to take the lead late in the game, but conceded a pick-six interception in the final few minutes to seal the defeat. They lost the battle, and it was a painful loss. 

However, I’m not in the battle-winning business. I care more about the war. A single game is a battle. We win some and we lose some. That’s life. My bigger focus was on the war. I want to see the bigger picture, the more life-altering impacts.

Early in the season, Pax would celebrate touchdowns with audacious celebrations, resembling his Madden shenanigans. He’d spike the ball, griddy, or do a group celebration with his teammates. One of my encouragements to him is to handle himself with class and professionalism. “Act like you’ve been there before.” He scored two touchdowns and two two-point conversions during this weekend’s game, but instead of showboating, he casually handed the ball to the ref and hugged his teammates. The war!

Finn isn’t the same type of athlete as Pax. While Pax is constantly in the limelight, Finn struggles to find his place. He hasn’t quite yet figured out his body and how to put the physical pieces together. He lacks confidence. He doubts himself. It doesn’t help having a twin who excels in all things sports. At Finn’s request, he plays all-time defense, stemming from his hesitation to run, catch, or throw a ball. During the first six games of the season, he had just one tackle (i.e. flag pull). However, on this fateful day, the day we experienced a heartbreaking defeat, he had a few monumental moments. He snagged his second tackle of the season, saving a touchdown. Then, on the very next play, he INTERCEPTED a pass in the endzone to create a game-relieving turnover. His confidence is building, and he’s giving it everything he has. The war!

Pax is known to be short-tempered and infuriated by losing. While the outcome of the game was a mess and constantly frustrating, every step of the way, he was encouraging teammates, helping opposing players off the ground, and celebrating other people’s wins. The war!

Yeah, that game sucked. We lost the battle. But it feels like we just might be winning the war. 

Don’t let your battle losses deter you from focusing on the war. So many people I work with are losing battles every day, every week, and every month. Life is kicking hard, and it gets exhausting. Job losses, medical emergencies, car trouble, business stress, house maintenance issues, relational tension. It’s okay to lose battles as long as we keep our eyes focused on the war. Whatever this means to you today (and I have a feeling you know), don’t elevate the battles above the war. It’s okay to lose a hundred battles if we eventually win the war. Keep fighting. 

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(Not) Doing It For Free

I casually ran into one of our Northern Vessel baristas yesterday, which is always a treat. In our conversation, I congratulated her on an amazing day at the farmer's market. I applauded her hard work, contagious vibe, killer hospitality, and ridiculously fun paycheck. She thanked me and shared how much fun she had. She said she wishes she could do it every day. Regarding the rewarding payday, she said she's grateful......but she loves it so much she'd "do it for free."

That's a tell! I laughed at her response and told her I know exactly what she means. I couldn't love this response more! The best work is the work we'd do for free if we could, but at the same time, we get to provide for our family while doing it. That's what it looks like to thread the needle of work that matters.

She never implied that it wasn't work......it was brutally hard work (my words, not hers). She was grinding non-stop, serving up hundreds of drinks per hour. Every interaction was a new opportunity, a new responsibility, to create a special experience for that specific customer. Each guest walked into that moment with their own mood, baggage, experiences, and expectations. For many, it was the first time they ever interacted with our brand. My friend, acting as the caretaker of the brand, was the lynchpin in how that person felt about us after they left our little booth. That's hard work! But it's meaningful work!

I'm so grateful for my friend. I 100% believe she would do it for free if she could, but fortunately, she doesn't have to. It actually makes me want to pay her even more. People who pursue (and find) work that matters are needle-movers. When we find our work that matters, our blood, sweat, tears, and passions are about to be put on the table, and as a result, everyone wins.

I pray my friend continues to feel that way about her work, and I pray each of you pursues and finds work that makes you feel the same. It's available to each of us, and it's far sweeter than we can even imagine. Work that matters matters. My friend deserves that.....you deserve that.

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When the Stakes Are Lower

We had an emergency in our house yesterday. As the kids were getting ready for their football game, Pax realized his receiver gloves were missing. While he was stunned by this development, I was 0% surprised. He's known to just randomly put things in weird and unconventional places. Each time this occurs, I express the importance of things going in their place and the risk he's creating by being negligent with his decisions.

Yesterday, it bit him. His immediate reaction was that we needed to quickly run to Target to buy new gloves. That wasn't happening. It was nearly time to drive to the game, so there wasn't going to be an emergency run for new gloves.

Further, we weren't going to buy him gloves after the game, either. He made a mistake, and now he gets to experience the consequences. Later in the day, Sarah offered to take him to Target to buy new gloves that HE would pay for with his own money.....$20. Ouch!

He really, really, really wants gloves, but the thought of draining his cash to replace gloves he had just a week ago was too painful for him. I'm glad it was painful! Ultimately, he elected to not purchase the gloves. He will play his final two games without them as he considers his options.

It would have been so simple for us to buy him new gloves. However, doing so would have prevented him from learning a tremendously important lesson. Today, he gets to learn this lesson when the stakes are low instead of later when the stakes are much, much higher. This is such a critical concept for parents to practice. If we continually bail out our children (financially or otherwise), we rob them of experiencing the harsh pain and learning the tough lessons.

Pax is frustrated with himself. He wishes he had carried himself differently. And from now on, hopefully, he will. This $20 lesson at eight will possibly save him from a $20,000 lesson at 28. We need to let our kids fail when the stakes are lower, not protect them from failure today while setting them up to get crushed when the stakes are much higher.

As we play football in the backyard later today, I hope it stings him a little. I hope he remembers that feeling and subsequently grows through it. We'll still have a blast playing, though! That kid is getting good!

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Riddle Me This

For the first time in my life, I stumbled into someone (on TikTok of all places) discussing a topic I've spent far too much time thinking about. It's a topic I've had opinions on for decades, and finally, it's part of the public discourse!

Let's pretend you and a friend go out for dinner. The intent was for each person to pay for their own meal. When the bill comes, though, the server communicates that they have a no-split policy. You decide to pick up the tab for the table, and your friend will pay you back. You can replace this scenario with countless others, but this is a simple way to frame this up.

The next day, your friend asks how much you owe him/her. The exact amount owed is $27.65. What amount do you communicate with your friend?

• A. $27.00

• B. $27.65

• C. $28.00

Take a second and think about what you would tell your friend.

I believe each answer is a tell, and I'm about to unload this deep, dark thought I've been carrying for decades.

If your friend owes you $27.65 and you tell them they owe you $27.65, this is a tell that you live by the letter of the law. You want everything above board, no gray area. You want to ensure you don't feel indebted to the other person, even by a few cents. Or……it just might mean you’re an accountant and anything but two full decimals is akin to blasphemy.

If your friend owes you $27.65 and you tell them they owe you $28.00, this is a tell that you want to ensure nobody takes advantage of you. After all, you're the one who stepped up and took one for the team by buying for the table. $28 is a nice round number, and it's only fair this is their tab. Besides, it's only 35 cents!

If your friend owes you $27.65 and you tell them they owe you $27.00, this is a tell that you live with a spirit of generosity....even in the smallest and most unseen ways. It's a generous act to round down what they owe you, giving them a slightly better number than yours. It's also an act of generosity to make it a simple number. It's a small, real-time act that shows you have their back.

This isn't a profound or earth-shattering concept today, but perhaps it will make you look in the mirror. What would you tell your friend? Also, you're welcome for now permanently possessing the curse of constantly and intently watching how other people answer this question. It's telling.

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Getting to the Excellence Part

I recently discovered that an old friend runs a business. I had no idea he even had a business, which perhaps should have been my first red flag. In any event, I discovered his business upon seeing a social media post from said business, venting about how people need to do a better job "supporting" small businesses. In short, his business was struggling, and unless something changes soon, they may have to shut their doors.

Curious, I did a deep dive into his last 12 months of social media posts. Here's what I found: 50% of the posts were about supporting small business, 40% of the posts were them taking stands on various political topics, and 10% of the postswere related to the business.

I reached out to my friend, offering to help. "Dude, I can't even tell what your business does from looking at your social media." Clearly annoyed, he responded, "People should already know what I do."

He asked if I had any ideas, seemingly open to outside ideas/perspectives. As a matter of fact, I had many......but one stands out above all others. He needs to get to the excellence part.....period. Just be excellent. Serve people well. Add value to his customers. Treat people with hospitality. Do amazing work. At every step of the conversation, he wanted to return to the idea that people need to "do a better job at supporting small businesses."

The same day, I talked to another friend who is struggling at work. He believes he deserves to be promoted, but gets continually overlooked. "Have you been excellent?" I asked. He just stared at me for a few seconds. "Well, I show up to work if that's what you're asking." After some prodding, here's what I discovered:

• He shows up to the office right on time.....never early.

• He NEVER stays past 5PM. If there's a project hanging in the balance, it can wait until tomorrow. "I don't work for free."

• He doesn't respond to messages outside of business hours.

• He admittedly does just enough to get by.

There's nothing excellent about that. I'm not advocating for his firing, but at the same time, I'm not sure why anyone would want to promote someone who doesn't exude excellence.

When all else fails, be more excellent. Are there people out to get us? Maybe. Is life fair? Not at all. Are crappy things going to happen to us? Without a doubt. But through all that noise, excellence stands out. Excellence is the linchpin to everything. There are a million things we cannot control, but our level of excellence is one we can.

So, today, whether you're an employee or a business owner, let's get to the excellence part. Excellence always wins.

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