26 and Dreaming

I recently met with a young 26-year-old man who was interested in having me review his finances and give him a few pointers. Early in the conversation, I asked the same question I always ask: "How about your work? Tell me about your work."

He danced around the point for a few minutes, sharing little details about all the compensation and benefits he receives from his employer. He never really answered my question, so I asked again. "How do you really feel about your work?"

"Honestly, I dream about retirement every day." He continued to share about how he doesn't find any meaning in his job, but it pays well and feels secure, so if he just sticks with it, he'll probably be able to retire by 60 at the latest.

This young guy is just three years into his career, and he's already dreaming about quitting work 34 years from now?!?! As much as I'd like to say this guy is weird, his sentiment is shared by millions. He's already conceded that he's going to hate work for the next 3+ decades, but his longing for an eventual life of leisure will hopefully pull him through.

He asked me if his math about how he can retire by age 60 is wrong. It wasn't. The math is fine. Sure, he can absolutely follow this plan and "finally" quit working by age 60, but I had something else to add: "I think you deserve far better than this plan. I think you deserve to wake up every day for the next 34 years excited for what you're about to do."

He thought that was an absurd idea. He had never considered that to be a viable option. It's interesting what our culture tells us. What will he do? Only time will tell. He can absolutely retire by his mid-to-late 50s if he really wants, but I think burning the next 30 years of his life would be a shame.

I think he deserves better. I think you deserve better. I think I deserve better. The only question is whether each of us will pursue that better.

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There’s Always Something

A couple I know has some big aspirations. Their values and goals are clear, and they know what it will take to achieve them financially. One problem: something came up. An unexpected need arose, and they must delay this goal until they address it.

Here's another problem: this is only the most recent in a string of unexpected needs. Truth be told, they've been putting off this big, important dream for more than six years! Why? There's always something!

I'll illustrate for you.

• First, they decided that buying a new vehicle was an immediate need. $27,000 of saving, 15 months of time, and another $35,000 of vehicle debt later, they had their new vehicle and were ready to achieve their dream.

• Second, they decided that buying a house was an immediate need. $20,000 of saving and 12 months of time later, they had their house and were ready to achieve their dream.

• Third, they decided that a dream Disney vacation was an immediate need. $18,000 of saving and 11 months of time later, they took their trip and were ready to achieve their dream.

• Fourth, they decided that finishing their basement was an immediate need. $40,000 of saving and 18 months of time later, they had their new basement and were ready to achieve their dream.

• Fifth, they decided that buying the other spouse a new vehicle is an immediate need. They are currently saving for this. But once they have this new vehicle, they will be ready to achieve their dream......

There's always something! When asked why they haven't pursued their huge dream yet, they will cite not being able to afford it. But when you look at the items above and how many resources they put toward them, it's easy to see that they could have done some amazing things over these past six years......they just chose to do something else instead.

Just remember, there's always something. Some things are in our control, and some aren't. However, far more is in our control than we'd like to believe. Please don't allow yourself to be a victim of your own life. Seize control of these decisions and prioritize your time, resources, and actions in accordance with your true values. Future you deserves it.

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Pursue Failure?!?!

In yesterday’s post, I talked about the concept of “pursuing failure.” I think about this idea so much that I forget how weird and controversial this topic is. First, let me clarify. I don’t advocate pursuing intentional, known failure. That would run afoul of another frequently discussed concept on this blog: the relentless pursuit of excellence.

We should strive to be excellent at everything we do. We should strive to achieve every dream, goal, and objective we aspire to. Here’s where the failure part comes into play. If we’re willing to shoot higher, dream bigger, and get uncomfortable, failure is inevitable. Anyone can avoid failure. The only prerequisite for avoiding failure is to refrain from doing difficult things. Therefore, if we never fail at anything, it’s likely a sign that we’re not pushing ourselves hard or far enough.

I’m leaning into things that are so ridiculous and audacious that failure is almost inevitable. Even if I’m as excellent as I can possibly be, there’s almost no way to fully avoid failure. Sometimes, soul-crushing, publicly embarrassing failure. It’s a tremendously uncomfortable concept to wrestle with, but once we come to terms with that reality, it presents us a critical fork in the road: play it safe or go for it. After years of basking in the play-it-safe camp, I took a hard turn and realized life is better lived in the go-for-it camp. Does it always go well? No, not at all. Sometimes, it feels like a big ball of flames. Other times, however, it’s glorious.

The bigger question we have to ask ourselves is what regrets our future selves will or will not have. When I look back on some of my biggest failures over the past decade, I definitely wish I could get some do-overs or second chances. However, I don’t think I’ll look back with regret. Conversely, I have some deep regrets for the things I was too scared, too safe, too timid to pursue. I’ll never get those opportunities back, but I don’t have to make those same lame decisions in the future.

Therefore, when I talk about pursuing failure, that’s exactly what I’m talking about. Pursue big things with a posture of excellence, and let the cards fall how they may. Sometimes we will achieve glorious wins, and sometimes we’ll suffer humiliating failures. We can’t have one without the other.

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A Different Kind of Independence Day

I received a fun message yesterday. One of our blog readers wanted to wish me a happy Independence Day, but "a different kind of Independence Day."

Beginning next week, her husband starts a new job. Beginning next week, they are proclaiming independence from "work that sucks their soul." Not independence from work, but independence from work that lacks meaning.

She shared in her message that there will be consequences. Most notably, this job switch will delay their retirement by 5-7 years. However, as she noted, this brings to mind two different thoughts:

1. It's worth giving up 5-7 years of retirement if those 5-7 years can actually bring meaning, joy, and fulfillment.

2. If this work is as meaningful as they believe it will be, it will be a better life than any life of leisure can bring.

Amazing! Sometimes, when I look in the mirror and ask myself why I spend hundreds of hours per year writing this blog and recording the podcast, stories like this remind me exactly why we do what we do. Our sole objective is to bend the needle for how our culture views work and money. When we hear these types of stories, it gives us a glimpse into the progress being made. Today, I celebrate them. Their lives will never be the same, and for that, I'm grateful.

"A different kind of Independence Day." It has a nice ring to it.

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Choose Your Waste

I recently had an interesting conversation with an early 30-something. Through the course of the discussion, he confessed that he hates his job. This isn't surprising considering 70% of Americans dislike or hate their jobs. Here's the surprising part, though. He said he knew he was going to hate it BEFORE he started his career 10 years ago! That's right. Coming out of college, he knew he was going to hate what was about to unfold.

"Why didn't you do something different?" I asked.

"I paid tens of thousands for my degree. I didn't want to waste it."

Many of you can relate to this sentiment. It's something I hear all the time in my work. Who we are at 28, 38, and 48 is usually different from who we were when we were 18-year-old kids. Life changes.....we change. Therefore, this feeling of not wanting to "waste" our degree hits close to home for many.

Here's what I told him. First, nothing is wasted. While a degree might list a major, it's more than a piece of paper with an industry title. It's the culmination of years of classes, relationships, experiences, failures, and growth. Much of what happened during that season of life will absolutely be repurposed in subsequent seasons of life, even if in different fields.

Second, let's pretend what I said above is dead wrong and a career change would result in my friend "wasting" his degree. Would he rather waste his degree or waste his life? Waste four years of his life that happened a decade ago, or waste the next four decades of his life?

It's an idea worth pondering today. Millions of people are sitting on degrees, tenure, and industry experience they are afraid to "waste." However, we need to choose our waste carefully. Life is far too precious to allow a decision from years past to sabotage our future.

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Two People to Make Proud

I recently stumbled upon a quote that lives rent-free in my head: "There are only two people you should strive to make proud: 10-year-old you and 80-year-old you." Let that sink in. See, it messes with your head!

When I read the quote, I didn't see any other context. It was thrown at me completely unfiltered and without additional structure. Here's how I interpret it:

• To make 10-year-old you proud, go for it. Don't lose that childlike wonder, curiosity, and dreams. When we're finally of age to actually do something about it, do something about it!

• To make 80-year-old you proud, don't leave regrets on the table. None of us will sit there at 80 years old thinking about how we should have played it safer, taken fewer risks, or pursued more comfort. Don't let yourself sit in regret when you're old, wrinkly, and grey.

Is this true? I wonder. I've been thinking about this a lot. After all, this totally seems like something I would think. Do I agree? After much contemplation, I couldn't agree more.

Here's where the rubber meets the road. Assess your life. Take stock of your journey. What would 10-year-old and 80-year-old you think of the journey you've lived so far? Would they be proud? Would they be disappointed? Don't answer me, answer the person in the mirror.

I still need to think about my answer, but today, I encourage you to think about yours. Have a great day; for current you, 10-year-old you, and 80-year-old you.

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“Have I Been Conned?”

"Have I Been Conned?" read the subject line of an e-mail I received last month.

The long e-mail I received was a hard one to digest, as evidenced by the month it's taken me to write about it. It was a deeply personal e-mail, so I'm going to paraphrase.

This man, we'll call him Steve (mid-40s), said he first stumbled onto my content about 4 years ago after randomly catching one of our Meaning Over Money podcast episodes. He was drawn in by the production quality of the show, and stayed because, unlike most podcasts, our show was short and to the point. "No fluff, no filler, just compelling, thought-provoking ideas."

He said that for several years, he disagreed with more than half of my content, especially anything relating to the idea that our work should provide meaning. His mission in life has been to make as much money as possible so he can retire as quickly as possible. And if you've been a follower of my content for any period of time, you know how much disdain I have for that mode of operation.

Here's where Steve's story gets interesting. One day, earlier this year, he woke up with a pit in his stomach. As he prepared for his day, he wondered to himself, "Is this really all life is about? Work, money, sleep, work, money, sleep, work, money, sleep." In an instant, he felt like everything he had been told about life revealed itself as one giant lie. What's the point, he wondered. After spending more than 20 years in his career, it just dawned on him that he was "playing a loser's game."

"I fell for the lie that life is about making money. I lost sight of what was really important to me. As I look around, I realize almost everyone is doing the same thing. I think that's why I so frequently disagreed with your content. Until now!"

Steve isn't alone. In fact, I hear from people just like Steve every week. It feels like an awakening is happening. The wool is being pulled from over people's eyes, and they are recognizing that our culture's perspective of work and money is deeply toxic. It's led to a place where 70% of Americans dislike or hate their jobs. On top of that, mental health issues are rising quicker than ever. We are running on this hamster wheel of money, consumption, and misery, picking up steam every step of the way.

At some point, we must jump off the wheel. We need to catch our breath and realize what game we're actually playing. We live in a system that's built around keeping us obsessed with money, stuff, and status. More than ever, one of the key status symbols that we worship is an earlier-the-better retirement. That's the flex. That's the mission.

My new friend Steve sees the con now. Fortunately, his eyes have been opened. As he puts it, he's never been richer, never been more miserable, and never been this lonely, and never been more ready to stop working.....and he's still only in his 40s. It's time for Steve to start playing a new game.

I'm on Team Steve. I love this new game that Steve is opting into. Meaning over money. Impact instead of consumption. The pursuit of work that matters. It's a wild game; it's an amazing game. Maybe you can play it, too.

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The Pillow Test

There was a time in my life when I defined my day's success by how much money I made. And by "a time," that means 10+ years. For more than a decade, the measuring stick of success was measured in income, investment balances, titles, and net worth. After all, those are easy-to-read measuring sticks. It's easy to open an online bank portal and see a number in black and white.

Then, something changed within me. I realized none of that mattered. All of the measuring sticks I had been using for the past 10+ years were futile. They were something, but ultimately, nothing. That's when I developed "the pillow test."

Here's how the pillow test works. When I go to bed at night and lay my head on that pillow, I reflect on my day and determine whether I did everything I could to make an impact on the world and on others. If my answer is yes, I succeeded. If my answer is no, then I might not have. It's clearly not as objective as a black-and-white number on the screen, but it sure does make for a better assessment of my day.

I've had a few days recently where I made very little money, but through the lens of the pillow test, they were massive successes. Those days were filled with needle-moving encounters, and I'm prayerful that I served people in the ways they needed to be served. What's in it for me? Well, nothing, I suppose, but that wasn't the point. The point was to lie my head on the pillow at night and, hopefully, believe I had done everything I could to make an impact.

It's a different way to look at life, but I'll testify a better way. Does the pillow test pay the bills? No, not always. Sure, we need to pay the bills. We need to financially care for our families. That's true. Two thoughts on that:

1. When we serve others well, money usually follows. That doesn't necessarily mean a ton of money, but serving people well is the prerequisite to creating an income. They often go hand in hand.

2. When the dust settles, and we take our last breath, we most certainly won't be adding numbers in our head, trying to determine how much money we made. On the flip side, I think there's a strong chance we WILL be thinking about the possible impact we made on this world during the years we were blessed to be here. That distinction is worth considering.

I hope you think about this when you go to bed tonight. Regardless of how much or how little money you made today, did you make an impact? Did you serve others well? Did you move the needle in someone's world? If so, I don't care how much money you made; you won!

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Everything Can Be Something, Something Can Be Everything

Yesterday's post struck a nerve with people, both in tremendously positive ways and profoundly negative ways. I expected as much, given how countercultural my perspective on retirement is. If you haven't read it yet, I recommend you check out YESTERDAY'S POST.

I concluded the piece with a snippy little comment, "That's what happens when we choose not to throw away all of our wisdom, experience, relationships, influence, skills, and knowledge. Or he could just keep tinkering in his garage and tending to his garden."

Ironically, I received a fun message from my friend Randy about this. Randy, a retired man himself, pointed out that one of his fellow retiree friends actually has a massive garden. He and his wife find great joy working the land, seeing the product of planting, watering, and caring for their crops. In fact, they yield so much produce from their garden that they give much of it away.

I couldn't love this more. And no, this doesn't contradict what I said yesterday. Randy wasn't intending for it to contradict me, either. Instead, Randy was joyfully pointing out an important concept. Nobody gets to define what "work that matters" is. For many, a garden is simply a garden. It's a way to pass the time; keep busy. For this couple, though, it's so much more. It provides the three key ingredients that define "work that matters": meaning, fulfillment, and impact. They find meaning in the work, sharing the experience together. They feel a sense of fulfillment seeing the fruits of their labor (pun intended). They create impact by giving generously. Everything can be something. Something can be everything. A garden could just be a garden, but to this couple, it's so much more.

This leads to another e-mail I received from my soon-to-be-retired friend, Dave. Like Randy, Dave is one of those people I respect so dang much. When either of these men talks, I listen. Dave recommended that I continue to define what "work that matters" is. More specifically, perhaps we need to define what it's not. "Work" doesn't just mean something we do in exchange for financial rewards. The gardening couple mentioned above works on their big, beautiful garden. That's still work. But to them, it's work that matters.

To many, including my friend Dave, volunteering is "work that matters." Volunteering, as the name implies, is unpaid. But if you've ever served an organization in a volunteer capacity, you know two things: 1) It's unpaid (duh!), and 2) it's work! I've volunteered for so many organizations, including a 10-year stretch as a high school youth group leader. It's work....hard work! But it's so, so rewarding. Work that matters!

Everything can be something. Something can be everything. Collectively, we need to continue bending our culture around retirement. Yeah, we can listen to the prevailing culture and selfishly pursue an inward-facing life of leisure. Alternatively, we can pursue work that matters. The beautiful part of that idea is that everything can be something, and something can be everything. The world is our oyster, waiting for us to find the most meaningful, fulfilling, and impactful work suited for us. Embrace the journey!

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The Lie of Lies

I recently sat down with a newer retiree. It's a man in his early 60s. His kids are young adults, pursuing their own dreams, aspirations, and careers. His wife was a stay-at-home mom for the majority of their child-rearing years. He had an objectively successful corporate job, which he generally enjoyed. After years of discipline, diligence, and patience, he had enough financial resources to ride off into the sunset and fulfill the American dream of living a life of leisure (i.e., stop working).

Uh oh, he fell for the lie! Even before we sat down, I knew how this conversation was going to play out. Sure enough, and right on cue, he shared the same story I hear over and over and over. He followed the conventional wisdom of our society by pursuing a life of leisure. After all, work is bad. Work is a necessary evil. Work is something we do because we have to, and naturally, as soon as we don't have to do it, we should quit doing it. He followed this mode of operation to a T. He knocked it out of the park financially, so he quit.

That's the lie! He fell for it! I don't say that to disparage him, though, because most of us fall for the same lie. He's two years into his retirement, bored and frustrated. He used to have influence, make an impact, be productive, and serve others well. He willingly (and excitedly) exchanged that for sleeping in, tending his garden, cooking more meals, and tinkering in his garage. As he thinks about this trade-off, he feels scammed. He gave up so much meaning, and for what? Leisure. Rest. "Nothingness," as he put it.

His problem wasn't leaving his prior job. His problem was walking away from something without walking toward something else. He wishes he could go back. He desperately wishes he could go back. But he can't. Here was my challenge for him: Pursue work that matters. Whatever that means in this season of life, pursue it with the same vigor, curiosity, and excitement he pursued his work during his 20s. His life isn't over. Heck, in many ways, it's just beginning. He might have 20-25 solid, productive years left in him. After these last two years, he recognizes he still has so much more to give.

I'm gonna go out on a limb and predict that he will make more impact in the next 5-10 years (whatever he ends up pursuing) than he made in the entirety of his prior 40-year career. That's how it works. That's what happens when we choose not to throw away all of our wisdom, experience, relationships, influence, skills, and knowledge.

Or he could just keep tinkering in his garage and tending to his garden. That's what society says he should do. Society says he deserves that. Society says he's earned that. Maybe so.....or maybe, just maybe, he deserves to live with purpose and meaning. Either way, it's time for the next chapter to be written.

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A Reminder From Waterlooville

One of my hobbies is watching the web activity on my website. I always find it fascinating to understand who is reading my blog, and from where. It boggles my mind that we've had readers from at least 101 different countries this year alone. After enough posts, I start to forget what I wrote about in the past. Therefore, when I see the names of blog posts pop up in the live web feed, they sometimes catch my eye. For example, I recently saw someone from Waterlooville, UK, read a post titled How Many Apples Are In a Seed? Waterlooville?!?! I went straight to Google Maps. Waterlooville is a town of 35,000 people, approximately 60 miles southwest of London, right along the southern coast of the UK.

The fact that someone from Waterlooville took time out of their day to read some of my words blows my mind. I never take this for granted, and I sincerely hope something I say means something to someone. Perhaps this person was moved by my post in some small way.

Speaking of the post, the title made me raise an eyebrow. What in the world was that one about?!?! I clicked to find out for myself. Oh yeah, I remember that one!!!! It was a post from April 2024 about the importance of simply planting seeds, using UCONN coach Geno Auriemma as the example. Reading it brought back good memories, but it also reminded me of an idea I think about over and over and over.

We oftentimes don't know what impact we're making. Instead, our job is simply to plant seeds. We plant, plant, plant, water, water, water.......then wait. Some of our seeds will die. Some will sprout, but ultimately not make it. Then, sometimes, our seeds will not only sprout, but grow into something far more beautiful than we'd ever imagine. The tough part is we don't know which ones are which. Therefore, all we can do is keep planting, keep watering, and trust God to sort it out. I loved the message then, and I love it now.

Distant friend in Waterlooville, it would be fun to meet you someday. I wish you well. I hope your life is full of meaning, impact, and joy, planting seeds every step of the way. Please keep up the good work!

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October 2016

I used to have a naive goal in life: to have two kids by the age of 35. I don't know what sparked this goal, but I knew I wanted to have at least two kids, and I thought being done having kids by 35 was the "right" age. Again, that was young and naive me.

However, life doesn't always go as planned. After spending several years trying to conceive, we elected to pursue adoption. After multiple years of working toward an adoption placement, we were finally matched with a son. That's when the nightmare happened. We lost our son the day he was born. I woke up that morning knowing I would be a dad, and went to bed that night knowing I wouldn't be. It was the single worst day of my life.

Two days later was Father's Day. I remember sitting in church, listening to a Father's Day message, feeling the searing pain of not being a dad on what was supposed to be my first Father's Day. I also knew that in just a few weeks, I would be 35, with no kids. It was the loneliest feeling; a terrible day.

Fortunately, that was the beginning of the story, not the end. Just four months later, Sarah and I were blessed with beautiful twin baby boys. People often asked me if all the pain and suffering was worth it. My answer has always been the same. For those five brutal years, I probably would have said "no." However, after stepping foot inside my house with those two babies, "yes, yes, yes," it was worth every single bit of pain, suffering, and every other negative adjective I can think of.

Younger me was so naive. This silly dream to have two kids by the age of 35. It was a ridiculous thing to believe I had so much control over. God showed us that we have literally no control. Funny, though, that after all the dust settled and we had been put through the wringer, I woke up in October 2016 as a 35-year-old father of two kids. God has a sense of humor like that. I’m so grateful for this entire journey, and despite the pain I’ll never be able to escape, I wouldn’t take any of it back. We are blessed beyond belief, and I love my sons so much.

Life rarely goes how we want it to. It almost never works out the way we envision it. It's never as easy or as simple as we'd prefer. But somehow, some way, eventually, it will work out how it's supposed to.….and perhaps better. But a different version of better. If today is a day of celebration, soak it in. Enjoy it. Savor it. Happy Father’s Day! If it represents something more negative for you, please know that the story isn’t fully written yet. This isn’t the end. It’s not the journey you’d prefer, but better is still to come. Trust in that.

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Fraud Alert

I received quite the scare a few weeks ago when I checked into my hotel in Bogotá, Colombia. The woman at the front desk asked me for my debit card for incidentals and processing. After I inserted my card and entered my PIN, I received an unexpected message on the terminal: "Card Declined." Oh boy! Never fun to be in another country, only to have your bank access revoked.

Then, I felt a vibration in my pocket; a text message from my bank. Given that I don't typically spend money on hotels in Bogotá, Colombia, my bank's fraud-alert system kicked in. The text asked me to confirm if this was a real transaction or potential fraud. I confirmed that I am, in fact, trying to process a hotel room in Colombia, re-ran my card, and it was approved. The bank algorithms have improved drastically over the years, picking up on our behavior patterns and habits. It's good to know that when the bank senses something is amiss, it tries to protect us.

One of my friends recently had a similar but different experience. This friend believes in generosity and is a regular giver. However, he was moved to make a larger gift than he normally would. Much larger! Can you see where this is going? He logged in to the organization's giving portal and confidently entered his data. Then, the moment had arrived: "Submit."

"Card declined." What?!?! Then, as in my Bogotá hotel experience, he felt a vibration. His bank's fraud alert system had kicked in, sensing something was amiss. This transaction ran afoul of his normal behavior patterns and habits. After confirming to his bank that this was, in fact, a real transaction, he re-entered the data onto the organization's giving portal and successfully made his gift.

I loved this situation! His generosity was moved to the point that his own bank thought fraud was being committed. What a tell! An amazing tell!!! Those are the kind of tells that get me excited. He pushed himself enough that his own bank shut him down.

I love this friend so much, and I'm grateful I got to witness such a funny situation unfold in real time. I look up to this man so much, and I, too, want to live life so generously and audaciously that my own bank thinks I'm committing fraud against myself. Through the lens of sacrificial generosity, that's a strong sign we're moving in the right direction.

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How You See It

I had an experience last night that perfectly exemplifies a concept I talk about often. I was at a steakhouse with a few buddies, and we worked our way into a fun conversation with our server. This dude was fantastic! He showed great hospitality, expertise in the menu, and exhibited an energy that made us excited to be there. Then, in the middle of the conversation, he mentioned something interesting.

His son recently asked him a question: "Dad, why don't you complain about your job all the time like Mom does?" First, ouch! Second, that's a wild observation. His response to his son? "I love my job! I get paid to make people happy!" Based on the context he provided, his wife has a more prestigious job and is considered more "successful." Yet, here he is rocking out his server job with joy, passion, and meaning.

It's how you see it. He could look at his job with a glass-half-empty perspective and say, "I bring people food" or "I wait tables." Some people say those things to themselves and wallow in misery. This man, however, obviously approaches his job with joy and vigor. He understands his role in people's lives, how he can add value, and he executes. I already want to go back to visit with him. I want to take steps to be within his aura. I want to feel the way he made me feel. That's meaningful, and I'm so glad he recognizes that. No matter what society says, that man is ultra successful in my book! He's made it!

Everything is how you see it. You can see things in your life one way.....or another. You can obsess about all the sucky parts of your job......or delight in the good parts. You can dwell on all your crappy co-workers.....or focus your attention and energy on the awesome ones. You can compare your job to someone else's job and look on in envy.....or you can recognize that countless people would love to be in your shoes. It's how you see it.

Perspective is everything, and we all need the occasional wake-up call. Maybe today is yours. One of these days it will be mine. It's all how we see it.

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A Cheap (Little Man) Date

When I talk to friends, I hear many stories about how they take their kids to these extravagant events and expensive activities. All of it sounds fun, very fun. It's what they say next that causes me to scratch my head: "We just want to give our kids a good summer." In these conversations, the messaging is clear: spending money = a good summer; not spending money = a bad summer. They don't outright say that, but it's intertwined into the fabric of the conversation.

Again, I'm not opposed to any of it. In fact, there are a few things I'll do with my kids this summer that will probably cost some money. However, I try to NEVER define the quality of our time together by how much or how little it costs. Last night was a great example. The boys wanted to make a fire in the backyard, roast some marshmallows, toss the football around, and watch a movie. That was their definition of a fun night with dad. And all it cost us was a few pieces of wood and a couple of marshmallows. More importantly, it cost my presence. I needed to put down the work, get rid of the phone, and simply focus on them. Frankly, that can sometimes be harder than blindly spending money. Time and attention are precious resources, but it's the currency of childhood.

After a busy weekend, I asked the boys what their favorite things were. For context, we did a lot of fun activities and attended kid-friendly events that I would have loved when I was their age. I had no idea how they would respond to my question. After thinking about all the fun we had during the weekend, Pax responded, "playing football in the front yard with you." Wow. That one got me.

Parents, don't feel like the best way to your children's heart (and their wonder) is to spend money and do crazy things. Nothing wrong with those things! Do some cool things! But remember, doing those things isn't a prerequisite to creating lifelong memories and providing a good life. The good life starts with our attention, time, and love. The rest is just noise.

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Slowing Down?

One of my friends recently asked me an interesting question. First, some context. This friend is in his early 50s, and he’s obsessed with the idea of retirement. His work gives him much dread, and he’s fully living into the often-discussed statistic about how 70% of Americans either dislike or hate their jobs. In his case, “hate” is the appropriate word. His strategy is simple: tolerate the misery, hoard as many resources as he can, and hopefully, by the time he’s in his early 60s, he’ll have enough money to retire and “finally enjoy life.” In other words, his vision is to hate his life for another decade, then ride off into the sunset to live a life he believes will be far superior to the one he’s currently living.

Here was his question: “Do you look forward to slowing down?” This was a reference to my work and to my often-published perspective on doing it for the rest of my life. Short answer: no, I don’t look forward to slowing down. Given my perspective on the topic, the act of slowing down will likely be the result of declining energy and/or fading health. Therefore, no, I don’t look forward to slowing down. This mentality obviously flies in the face of our culture’s view of work and money. The world says we should aggressively pursue a life of leisure, and if we have the financial resources to make it happen, the sooner the better. However, if we are continuously pursuing work that matters, then, hypothetically speaking, we should find ourselves perpetually waking up excited to engage in our work. Our work should ADD to our lives, not negatively impact them. 

What if we don’t enjoy our work anymore? Well, that doesn’t mean we should just quit work! Rather, it means we should seek to change the work we’re pursuing. Life is about seasons. As we grow, evolve, and experience new things, the definition of “work that matters” may evolve as well. I’ve already made many shifts in my work since I left my prior career in 2019 to start my own company. Some of my work is identical, some has morphed, and some is completely different. It doesn’t mean I was wrong; it means I’ve changed. And that’s a good thing!!

I know I’ll need to slow down someday. It’s inevitable. I don’t look forward to that, but I will absolutely embrace it for whatever it is. As long as I’m pursuing work that matters to me at that stage of life, at whatever intensity God allows me to pursue it, it will be a win. That’s what success looks like to me. Perhaps you have a different perspective on the topic. If so, that’s okay! On the flip side, maybe this will give you something to ponder today. If so, I hope you find it valuable. Let’s crush the day. 

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Their Opinions Don’t Matter

Today's post is courtesy of my guy Ryan. I'm not sure Ryan has ever read the blog, but we talk about it often, and he knows me better than most people on earth. So, when he texts me a link and a message that reads "feels like a blog," I know it's about to be good. He sent me a link to the following VIDEO CLIP. The actual video is a bit long, so I'll summarize. It's about how, coming out of high school, Patrick Mahomes was ranked the 22nd best quarterback of the 2014 graduating class. In other words, the experts believed there were 21 other quarterbacks better than who we now know to be one of the best quarterbacks who has ever lived. Well, we know how that worked out.

Other people's opinions don't matter. They just don't. I've watched countless aspirations go up in flames due to the inappropriate, unnecessary, unwarranted, and unsolicited words of well-intentioned people. When our confidence and convictions are already on shaky ground, it doesn't take much from the outside to topple our house-of-cards psyche. It's a good thing their opinions don't matter!

One of the closest people in my life called me a "f'ing idiot" when I left my prior career to start my own company and begin the journey I'm now on. Fortunately for me, when those words were muttered to me, I already knew other people's opinions don't matter. I'm so glad I didn't care. I'm so glad I knew back then that we shouldn't care what other people think.

I'm sure Patrick Mahomes had plenty of well-intended people around him who advised that he hang it up and pursue a "safer," "more stable" career. I'm glad he didn't listen to them. Their opinions didn't matter, and fortunately for Patrick, history will look different upon him because of it.

I often tell my boys that other people's opinions don't matter. When it comes to their callings and aspirations, my opinions don't matter, either. I'll definitely have opinions, and I'll probably share them, but along the way, I need them to know that ultimately, they don't matter.

Whatever you are called to do, block out the noise. Don't listen to people's opinions. Will you succeed? Will you fall flat on your face? Who knows, but at least give yourself the opportunity to find out for yourself rather than taking the advice of people whose opinions don't matter. Sure, Patrick Mahomes could have been an all-time bust. But instead, he has three Super Bowl rings. Remember that.

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Kristian, I Want to Play a Game

Yesterday was my final full day in Colombia. I woke up in a hotel connected to a shopping mall in a city called Neiva. After a productive morning of meetings, we packed our bags and headed into the mall for lunch. I gotta tell you, the energy in that mall was electric! Literally thousands of people were there shopping, eating, drinking, playing, and conversing. It reminded me of America’s vibrant mall culture in the late 90s. Safe to say I was digging it!

After realizing that almost every other restaurant and food court was absolutely slammed, the team selected a quieter little restaurant within the mall. Immediately after being seated, we started scanning the menu. 

I have a rule when I travel abroad. I won’t eat anything that I am familiar with or can readily get in America. One of the best ways to learn someone’s culture and build relationships is through shared experiences with THEIR cuisine. 

“Kristian, I want to play a game.” Kristian is the husband of our team leader. He and I had some fun bonding time this week, and I knew our time was coming to an end (which is always sad). I explained to him that I wanted him to order me whatever he was going to order for himself, and not tell me anything about it. I wanted to be surprised, then enjoy. No limits, no rules. 

Every time each of us sits down at a restaurant, we bring our biases, fears, and experiences to the table. Subconsciously, our minds tell us to find something familiar, something comfortable. I would do it, too! But when we treat it as a game and make ourselves uncomfortable by throwing away the rule book, amazing things can happen. 

After a bit, the server delivered the most beautiful-looking dish to me. As was the case with nearly every meal I had in Colombia, it was amazing and it offered a great opportunity to bond over the experience. Kristian won the game, but I was the real winner for having such a special opportunity to learn more about Colombian culture and further build those relationships. 

Nearly every meal this week was a game, an opportunity, a blessing. Yes, this post is about food. But food is never really about food. It’s about connection, experiences, memories, and relationships. Most of us probably won’t be visiting another country this week, but here is my challenge. Next time you have a chance to experience a meal with someone (even your spouse or your children), seize the opportunity to step out of your comfort zone and create a unique memory together. You may or may not like the dish you’re served, but those memories, experiences, and relationships will persist for decades!

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From What We Have

I've talked about this concept many times on this blog over the past four years, but last night I experienced its purest form. We often make giving overcomplicated. We factor in all our bills, obligations, and other financial commitments, then assess whether there's enough remaining to give. Since we are human and our brains are wired a certain way, there's rarely anything left to give, regardless of our income. Thus, we elect not to give.

Put through its proper lens, giving should be much simpler. "What do I have to give?" we should ask ourselves. After all, we are called to give from what we have, not from what we don't have. If I have something, I should give it. If I don't, I shouldn't. This means financial resources, of course, but it should also include skills, experience, passion, relationships, influence, etc.

If I have the skills and experience to help businesses, some of that skill and experience should be given freely to serve others. If I have a relationship that would be valuable to someone else's endeavors, I should give that freely to help others.

In our Palmful of Coffee curriculum, we again go back Biblical to giving in its simplest form. We give from what we have, not from what we don't have. This concept can and will set us free. It allows us to practice generosity regardless of our current life situation. It allows us to stop comparing ourselves to others and simply give, knowing that all blessings matter.

Last night, it came full circle. As I sat in the front row of church in a Colombian village, I watched giving, in its simplest form, play out in real time. Men, fresh out of the fields in the nearby mountains, carried a large sack of green coffee beans to the front of the church and placed it at the base of the podium. Then another man. Then another man. Soon, the base of the podium was lined with some of the world's best coffee. These men might not have had a lot of financial resources, but they had coffee, beautiful coffee.

While we call this program Palmful of Coffee, it's not strictly about coffee. It's about giving from what you have, not from what you don't. Most church members had coffee, but some had milk, yogurt, corn, lemons, eggs, papaya, etc. That's what they brought. They didn't look in the mirror and say, "I don't have coffee, so I guess I can't participate." No, they looked in their storehouses and saw freshly picked papaya, then elected to give from what they had.

We make this too complicated. ALL of us have something to give. And if we would stop comparing ourselves to everyone else, we would recognize the beautiful opportunity we each have to simply give from what we have. Last night was one of the most special nights of my life, and I will surely remember it forever. But this lesson of Palmful of Coffee, give from what we have, can remain with each one of us every day for the rest of our lives as well.

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Gutted….In the Best Way

Have you ever shared a sopping-wet, makeshift charcuterie board with a 9-year-old sitting at the base of an old oak tree in the pitch-black at 10 PM on a weeknight? Me, neither, until a few nights ago.

Please allow me to rewind. The day before I left the country was a whirlwind. Aside from me being swamped with meetings and errands, the boys had an all-day birthday friend party at a local amusement park. Immediately following the birthday party, they had VBS at a friend's church. Finally, after being gone for 11 hours, they returned home with a burning desire to start a bonfire in the backyard.

Knowing I needed to leave for the airport in the middle of the night, I obliged and enabled their little boy pyromania to run wild. We messed around with the fire for about an hour. Then, Finn realized he hadn't eaten since lunch. Sarah graciously assembled a makeshift charcuterie board on a paper plate and delivered it to the fire pit.

"Dad, will you come sit with me by that tree?" he asked, pointing to the darkest corner of the yard. How could I refuse that invite!?!? We sat together for about 30 minutes, chomping on summer sausage, crackers, and orange slices. He meandered all sorts of ridiculous topics, each funnier than the last.

That moment gutted me.....in the best way. This little boy just wanted to spend time with his dad. That's it. In its purest form, he just wanted me present. He and I both left the elephant in the room unsaid: I would soon leave the country, and there would be thousands of miles between us. But for those 30 minutes, nothing existed but for him, me, and a paper plate of makeshift charcuterie that he would eventually drench with his water bottle (because he's a clumsy little boy). Did you know that butter crackers taste "butter-y-er" when wet? It's science.....believe him. I don't think he's wrong; I sampled the evidence myself.

I felt pretty crappy walking out of the house at 3 AM yesterday morning to drive to the airport. It's a feeling I get every time I travel (especially internationally), as I miss those guys so much. However, at least I knew that I made the most of the precious moments I was granted. I'm so glad I took advantage of those ridiculous opportunities, especially chomping on soggy crackers at the base of a pitch-black tree at 10 PM on a weeknight with a cool little man.

Life is weird. Take advantage of every weird and quirky opportunity it presents. We're not promised an infinite amount of them.

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