Speaking of Forever Homes

Yesterday's post caused quite a stir! The mere idea of the Hedonic Treadmill causes many to get uncomfortable. It's an unsettling notion that we're all subject to certain psychological phenomena and triggers. We'd like to believe that we're 100% in control and rational in all that we do, but scientifically speaking, we're not.

Two readers specifically commented on my forever home reference. "Forever homes are real!" exclaimed one person. Another person frustratingly reiterated to me that it's okay to buy a forever home.

First, yes, forever homes are real.

Second, yes, it's okay to buy a house.

We have a major problem, though! A forever home is only a forever home because of our current context. As soon as our context changes, so too does the framing of our forever home. One of my friends is living in their fourth "forever home." Another friend is in the process of moving into their second "forever home."

This is peak Hedonic Treadmill. The second family mentioned above currently lives in one of the top 20 houses I've ever been in. It's stunning! Some houses are well located. Some houses are big. Some houses are nice. This one is all three. It's simply immaculate! When they purchased it five years ago, it was THE definition of their "forever home." In fact, using the phrase "forever home" allowed them to justify making some questionable decisions to buy the house in the first place. After all, if they are going to die in this house and invest in it for the long run (i.e., forever), it's okay to squint while making dangerous decisions, right?

That's one of the reasons why the phrase "forever home" is used so frequently in our culture. The mere phrase shifts the narrative in our brains, giving us just the right amount of excuses to do something we probably shouldn't.

Today, though, they feel differently about it. Five years after purchasing it, this house no longer meets their needs. They need more space (five bedrooms in the main living area aren't enough for them and their three kids). They need a bigger pool. It needs a "better guest house." The theater room feels outdated. It lacks amenities for proper hosting.

With all that in mind, they are in the closing process of their next "forever home." By "forever," what they really mean is they are about to make some more questionable decisions, and due to the Hedonic Treadmill, they will soon again redefine their version of a "forever home."

I'm not trying to pick on my friends. They aren't dumb. They aren't naive. They aren't mock-worthy. They are human. They are quite human. Here's my point in sharing their story. There is no end to the Hedonic Treadmill. We can't outrun it. There's never enough. It's impossible to reach a certain level and then say, "There we go, we're good now." If we don't catch ourselves, we'll be chasing it until our dying breath.

It's okay to take the off-ramp. We can elect not to play the Hedonic Treadmill game. We can't entirely avoid the Treadmill, but we can decline to play the game.

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There’s No Escaping It

I occasionally write about a phenomenon called the Hedonic Treadmill. It's a term in the behavioral science world that refers to the inevitability that every time our life changes, good or bad, it quickly becomes "normal."

That shiny new car? Soon, it will just be a normal ol' car.

Our "forever home" we've always dreamed about? Soon, it will just be called home, only for us to replace it with a new dream in our head, uniquely called "forever home."

The newest iPhone with all the latest bells and whistles? Soon, it will be too slow, too small, and out of date.

The massive pay raise that you knew would change your life forever? Soon, it will just be what it costs to live, and "enough" will be something higher.

I was recently sharing this concept with a few buddies. One of them generally agreed with me, while the other was obstructive. "I'm not an idiot, I don't fall for #&!% like that." I tried explaining that since he's human (well, at least I think he is), there's no escaping the Hedonic Treadmill. Its impact on our lives is unavoidable.

"Prove it!" he responded.

Alright, here goes nothing. I would propose that almost everything in our modern world is an example of the Hedonic Treadmill.

Safe and drinkable water from the faucet? At one point, it was the biggest luxury in the world.

Air conditioning on a summer day? It wasn't long ago that we would simply sweat it out for a quarter of the year.

Hot showers? Humans spent thousands of years not even considering this possibility. Today, we treat cold showers as a form of mental and emotional toughening.

Internet? If you even spoke the word before the 1990s, people would look at you like you were crazy.

Phones? Have we forgotten how insane it is that we can pick up a device and immediately talk to someone on the other side of the planet? Amazing!

Planes? Speaking of the other side of the world, we can drive to an airport, jump into a metal tube, and literally be on the other side of the world by the end of the day. Unreal!

Today, in the 21st century, we take each one of these things for granted and consider them "normal." Not long ago, even mere decades in some of my examples, we would consider these things groundbreaking, reserved for just the few wealthiest people. Then, the Hedonic Treadmill strikes us and we normalize them as quickly as we adopt them.

It's so easy to take our lives for granted. We quickly adjust to whatever reality we live in, and call it "normal." However, the life we live today would be anything but normal to those who came before us. I'm not trying to make us feel guilty for our modern-day amenities. Rather, I'm suggesting that we carry ourselves with a posture of gratitude and never underestimate the power the Hedonic Treadmill has on each of us.

Contentment, humility, and perspective are beautiful traits to possess. They are the only weapons we have to combat the Hedonic Treadmill.

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It’s All Connected

I'm excited to spend the next two days at the Global Leadership Conference, an annual event that I've been excitedly and dutifully attending for the last 11 years. I'm sure many blog posts and podcast ideas will blossom from what I experience these next few days, and I look forward to sharing that with you!

One of the things I was most excited about this week was the 5-hour drive with my friend Dan. I don't see him often, so any meaningful time I get with him is something I cherish. However, just a few days ago, he texted me and told me he would be flying to Chicago and would meet me there. What?!?!

He shared with me that he wanted to "get a long run on Lake Michigan" to celebrate a fun milestone in his business. Weird, I know....but that's Dan! Fast forward to yesterday, and I had just arrived at the hotel. Dan shot me a text that he just wrapped up his run and hopped into an Uber to meet me at the hotel. He also included a data link to the run he just completed: 23.57 miles! Immediately after exiting a plane. On a hot summer day. Dan, man!

This is one of the things I love most about Dan. I'm not an avid runner like he is, but I greatly appreciate his discipline and desire to push himself into discomfort. It's all connected, as far as I'm concerned. The fact that he can hop on a plane specifically to rip out a 24-mile lakeside run on a hot summer day tells me a lot about how he's wired and how he approaches life. The way he navigates relationships, work, business, ministry, parenting......it's all connected.

One of the fun pics Dan sent me during his 24-mile journey.

If it's true that it's all connected, then it feels like everything is a chain reaction to everything else. I feel this about my recent health journey. First was the intermittent fasting, then the intentional walking, then the shift in what I eat, then the daily biometric scale, and then lastly, the Garmin watch that monitors my vitals 24 hours per day. Each one led to the next, and most of them wouldn't have happened without the prior. It's all connected. Where this has led me is a far more intentional life. What I put in my body, how I move my body, the disciplines I practice daily, how I structure my work, and the consequences of my actions. This also spills over into my parenting and relationships.

While I'm bummed I didn't get to ride with Dan yesterday, I love that he was able to fly in earlier to run 24 hot miles. It will no doubt lead to some other great things for him, as it's all connected.

As you navigate your life today, I hope you can see how it's all connected. Everything is tied to everything else. That can be a very, very good thing, or a very, very bad thing. Make it the best of things! Have an awesome day.

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Normalize Winning

One of my favorite parts of my work is walking alongside small businesses, helping them unlock new gears they never knew existed. For example, this week I'm meeting with a business coaching client who has far surpassed every goal he ever set for his business. Whether it's revenue, client roster, gross margins, impact, or net income, he has exceeded every benchmark that he previously used to define "winning."

It's not that he originally doubted himself, but rather, he never thought to dream this big. He never actually gave himself permission to win like this. His original plan was to simply provide enough income to support his family and save for the future. It never dawned on him that he could create something this impressive. It never occurred to him that he possessed the ability to build something so cool.

But here we are! Every time we walk through his numbers, his eyes get big and his smile even bigger. He's dumbfounded by where this is going, but he's embracing it every step of the way. The biggest shift that allowed this to happen is that he normalized winning. He stopped being bashful and feeling guilty about his newfound success, and is instead focused on practicing excellence and serving people well. The rest takes care of itself.

Another consequence of shifting our perspective and dreaming bigger is the decision-making shift it requires of us. If our goals are small, we’ll make decisions that will unlock these small goals. However, when our goals are large, it requires a different set of decisions to unlock it. Will we achieve these wild goals? Maybe or maybe not. However, there’s a high likelihood that even if we fail to meet the goal, we’ll end up in a far better spot than had we set expectations lower.

While this may seem like a "duh" idea, I sincerely believe it's one of the key drivers for people who are trying to build something (whether a business, career, or ministry). Normalize winning, whatever that looks like for you. Whatever you think the ceiling is, double it.....triple it.....quadruple it. It's okay to shoot high and work toward a yet-to-be-defined target.

More than anything, though, be sure to approach it with meaning, purpose, and a desire to make an impact. When you do, it makes the journey all that much more fulfilling. If you find meaning in the day-to-day process, regardless of the outcome, you've already won.

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Everything Is Temporary

As humans, we tend to possess a fatalistic view of life. We treat many (or most) decisions, whether big or small, as permanent. The cars we buy, the houses we live in, the jobs we take, the hobbies we pick up, the clubs we join, the people we associate with.....and the list goes on.

One of my friends recently shared how he's miserable in his job but doesn't know what to do.

Another friend just moved into what he's calling his "forever home."

A former youth group kid is beating himself up over what major to select in college, as that single decision will cement his career path.

One of my clients is frustrated after selling a car she couldn't afford and buying a car she can afford. To her, this simply feels like her new reality.

Another client is in the midst of a brutal season of paying off debt. The budget is tight, and most dollars are going to the bank. It feels like this season will last forever.

No matter our situation, everything is temporary.

That job you have? You'll either leave it for something else or retire from it. It's temporary.

That forever home? You'll either let the hedonic treadmill push you into a new "forever home," downsize into something smaller, or die. It's temporary.

Your college major? You'll either use it, or you won't. Or maybe you will for a while, then do something else. It's temporary.

That crappy car you're driving during this season of life? If you take care of your business, you'll soon be driving something better. It's temporary.

Does it suck paying off debt every single month? Eventually, you'll be free from the mess and you'll live in a completely new (and debt-free!) reality. It's temporary.

There's so much freedom in knowing that everything we do is temporary. No decision is forever. No reality is everlasting. No suffering is perpetual. To me, as a Christian, the only forever that exists is what happens after I die; the rest is just noise. So, today, remember that. No matter how high or how low you feel, everything is temporary. If that's true, it should give you tremendous freedom to simply live a meaningful life, unafraid of this false (and inaccurate) sense of forever. Carpe Diem!

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Nightmare Initiated

Yesterday morning, at approximately 4:00 a.m., I was awakened by a flash flood warning on my phone. As I gained consciousness, I heard the sound of a torrential downpour outside my bedroom window. That's the moment it happened. I instantly realized I had made the mistake of mistakes. One of my biggest nightmares had just been initiated. I forgot that I left my convertible top down! I quickly scrambled out of my bedroom, out of the house, and into my flooded car. It was a disaster!

I was able to close the roof, and then assessed the damage. Every single inch of the car was drenched. The dashboard, the seats, the console.....all of it. There were two inches of standing water underneath the seats. Thus began a 90-minute mad scramble to dry every bit of my possibly ruined ride. Yes, my nightmare was on full display. Fortunately, it appears that I somehow managed to come out of that situation in one piece. By some miracle, everything in my car seems to work. I don't know how, but it survived!

I used to worry a lot.....I mean, a LOT. Big things, small things, probable things, improbable things. If there was a chancesomething could go wrong for me, I'd find a way to worry about it. Then, something inside me changed. I realized there were two fatal flaws in my worrying:

1. I was worrying about things over which I had no control.

2. I was worrying about things that had very little chance of even happening.

What sense does it make to worry about things I can't influence? If they are going to happen, they are going to happen. My worrying doesn't help in any shape or form. On a similar note, what's the point in worrying about something that has just a tiny percentage probability of even occurring?

This mindset shift began to transform where I focus my attention and what gets my worry. I'm so glad I adopted this new perspective, as I don't think business owners can survive without it (at least with their health intact). The one thing I learned as an entrepreneur is that something terrible will happen almost daily. It's just the way it works.

The truth is, there are a million things I could worry about; far more than ever before. However, instead of letting every intrusive thought win, I frame it through my two questions above:

1. Does this potential fear even have a reasonable chance of happening?

2. If so, do I have the ability to influence the outcome?

If the answer to either of those questions is "no," I don't worry. If the answer to both is "yes," I try to refocus the energy that would possibly be spent on worrying to figuring out how I can positively influence the outcome.

I actually do worry about leaving the convertible top down. The irony, though, is that worrying about it doesn't positively influence the outcome. If I had been sharper two nights ago, I would have focused that energy on ensuring a better outcome (i.e., following my behavioral triggers that would have resulted in me successfully closing the roof). Instead, I worried......and paid the price.

Hopefully, someone reading this will be positively influenced by these words. Please don't let my convertible nightmare be in vain! Have an awesome, dry, worry-free day.

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My Time vs. Their Time

I had an epiphany shortly after hiring my first assistant. Her name is Paige, and she's pretty awesome. If I remember correctly, she was only 19 years old at the time, but I always perceived her as far wiser than her age. When it came time for me to pay her after the first month, I asked her to submit her hours. I reviewed her log and felt thoroughly confused. "Paige, I don't think you gave me all your hours."

She confirmed that, yes, all hours were included. When I shared that it felt like she did far more work than that, she gave me the most Paige response ever: "It just takes you three times as long to do these tasks as it does me."

Ouch! But she was right! My objective in hiring Paige was to offload the tasks that I hate and/or suck at. Turns out, those tasks fell in line with what she enjoyed and was good at. Thus, she was far more efficient than I could ever dream of being. She consistently performed tasks at roughly 1/3 the time it would have taken me.

This is where my epiphany came in. The hourly rate I was paying her was more about my time than her time. For example, let's say I was paying Paige $30/hour. While that was the sticker price for her time, the real cost for Paige's services was $10/hour of my time. If I paid her $30 for one hour of her time that would have taken me three hours to perform, I was only paying $10/hour for the time I was buying back.

This line of thinking is applied to every aspect of my life. I don't care what the total cost or cost per hour for a service is. Instead, I ask myself how much it costs in relation to my time. Oil changes are a good example. I could easily change the oil in my car and save a bunch of money. However, by the time I buy oil and filters, successfully (eventually) drive my car up the ramps, empty the oil, change the filter, pour in the new oil, check the oil level, and finish topping it off, the actual cost savings per hour of my time is very low. Translation: That expensive oil change service is extremely cheap.

Just think of the possibilities with this concept. How many decisions would you make differently if you framed them through this lens? Plumbing, carpentry, electrical, landscaping, mechanical work, cleaning, laundry......the list could go on forever. Now, I'm not suggesting we should contract out every single task in our lives. Rather, I encourage you to look at your own personal situation through the lens of how much something costs/saves per hour of YOUR time, and see where the chips fall.

Warning: This way of thinking might just change everything.

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Meanwhile, Everyone Else Is Spinning

I received THE best follow-up message from my recent 'Our Eyes Deceive Us' post about the importance of proper context. To summarize, I highlighted how my family's $1,000/month travel spending allocation ruffles a lot of feathers......often the same feathers that unknowingly actually spend far more than that in their own lives.

This reader commented that their monthly travel budget is $1,500, and each time they take a fun trip, people in their life respond with, "Must be nice." Oh, you know how much I love the phrase, "Must be nice."

Is this blog reader outlandishly rich and just throwing money around like it's going out of style? My understanding of this family tells me they don't. Instead, I get the sense that this family simply prioritizes the things that matter most to them in life......and disregards the rest. In fact, in the e-mail, they pointed out that if they were forced to reduce spending in their budget, travel "would be one of the last things we cut." Again, more than anything, this tells me that this family understands who they are, what they value, and successfully shuts out the noise. It's beautiful!

Meanwhile, everyone else is spinning in circles. Most of the "must be nice" people around us are so busy spending money on things that don't actually matter to them that they don't leave margin to invest in things that do. This isn't some provocative theory; it's a recurring theme I've observed in countless families. It's so easy to fall into this trap!

The car payments, the inflated mortgage payments, the constant credit card churn......all these items lead to a leaky bucket that prevents us from being able to actually live the life we desire. We may think we want the big houses, fancy cars, and high-end lifestyles, but the data says otherwise. You wouldn't believe the number of people who rock out $1,000/month vehicle payments and have no emotional attachment to their vehicles. Or the people who decided to purchase houses that far exceed their needs and budgets, who are secretly living house-poor. Or the people who are busy living a status-boosting lifestyle, but would actually prefer more peace. This isn't me casting judgment on people....I've been there!

To the reader who graciously sent me that e-mail, I hope it is nice! I hope it's nice to travel. I hope it's nice to live in accordance with your values. And I hope it's nice to block out all the noise! I hope people continue to watch the example you set, and ultimately decide to follow in your footsteps.

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Steaks Have a Price?

Yesterday's post set off quite the unexpected storm of commentary: steak, steak, and more steak. Steaks weren't the main point of that post, but it hit home for many. To summarize, I was trying to make the point that our personal opinions of what something should cost mean nothing. Instead, the herd determines market value, and it's our individual responsibility to decide if we accept said price.....or not. Everything else is just noise.

Yesterday's comments can be placed into one of two camps. First, about a half-dozen people shared they, too, struggle to pull the trigger on nice cuts of meat.

• "Too rich for my blood."

• "I need to stick with chicken breast and hamburger right now."

• "It's not worth it."

• "Maybe if the prices eventually fall."

This group of people is price-sensitive to the cost of steaks. They would like to buy steak, but when they look at it through their own personal lens, they don't see enough value for the cost.

The second camp is on the polar opposite side of the discussion. In their opinion, no cost is too much for a good piece of meat:

• "There's always room in the budget for steak."

• "It's a luxury I'm not willing to give up."

• "Nobody better touch my steaks!"

• "Steaks have a price?"

Then, there's one other guy. I ran into a man at a local retailer yesterday, and he was excited to see me. He is an admitted cheapskate. He compares fuel prices at various gas stations and picks the cheapest pumps. He only buys generic brands. He only spends "25 bucks, max" on pants. He rarely goes out to eat. My point: he's frugal. Here's what he said about steaks: "I eat 1-2 steaks per week, and I NEVER look at the price. I find a steak I want to eat.....and I buy it. I refuse to look at the price. It's one of my small joys in life."

In a fun way, this steak conversation perfectly illustrates my broader point. We're all different. We each have a complex set of values, perspectives, and characteristics. And yes, these values, perspectives, and characteristics funnel into our relationship with money. The price of a steak is the price of a steak. However, what we do with that information is dramatically different for each of us. It doesn't matter what the actual cost to produce a steak is, or what we think it shouldcost. The herd decides the price, and we individually need to react accordingly.

Now, take out the word "steak" and replace it with literally any other item in our life. A coffee, a MacBook, a house, a pair of Nike's, a new Honda Accord, a house cleaner, or my financial coaching services, to name a few. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks these things are worth because you're not them. Instead, our job is to block out all the noise around us, accept the price of something for what it is, and decide if the value of said item (to us) exceeds the price we would pay.

So simple, yet so challenging to execute. However, if we can lock in on this idea and do it well, it makes our lives so much richer.

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It’s Not Fair

Pax was visibly shaken after watching Tyrese Haliburton go down early in game 7 last night. Haliburton, a former Cyclone and clearly the most clutch player in this year's NBA Playoffs, was lying on the floor in agonizing pain after tearing his Achilles. He immediately knew he was done (plus next season as well). In that moment, the Pacers' chance of winning a title essentially evaporated. 

Pax is right; it's not fair. It was a good teaching moment. It's not fair, and it never will be. Still, Pax was dumbfounded by how quickly everything changed. He went from believing Haliburton was about to win a title to knowing he probably won't see him play again until he's 10 (in October 2026 when the following season starts). It's not fair.

We didn't get too deep into it last night, but this is something he'll see more and more as he grows. Life isn't fair, and there's nothing he can do about it. As a parent, my job is to teach him to simply fight through the inequity, no matter what. Sure, be mad about the unfairness. Yeah, feel frustrated by it. But after that, fight. We fight, or we cower. We push ahead, or we step aside. We persevere, or we give up.

This is going to be a brutal experience for my kids. Time and time again, they will get a front-row seat at how unfair life is. My job isn't to protect them from it, but rather, to train them to push through it. As a parent, watching them deal with unfairness may be one of the hardest things I ever experience. However, it's critical we teach them through it, not try to help them avoid it.

This is something I watch play out in people's lives daily. It's somewhat easy to find success when things are going our way. Then, something happens. Something unfair. We unjustly lose our job. Someone rips us off. An irresponsible driver totals our car. How we handle these unfair situations is what determines if we'll ultimately be successful or not. This is where the rubber meets the road.

It's not a matter of whether we can get to the other side of this adventure without experiencing unfairness. That's an impossible task! Instead, what matters most is how we respond when life gets unfair. That's what I want to teach my kids. We will be closely watching Haliburton's journey back to the court. I have a feeling it will be an inspiring example of what it looks like to attack unfairness head-on.

Life isn't fair. It doesn't owe us anything. We will draw the short straw more times than we'd like to believe. It's all part of the game. Keep fighting.

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Riddle Me This

For the first time in my life, I stumbled into someone (on TikTok of all places) discussing a topic I've spent far too much time thinking about. It's a topic I've had opinions on for decades, and finally, it's part of the public discourse!

Let's pretend you and a friend go out for dinner. The intent was for each person to pay for their own meal. When the bill comes, though, the server communicates that they have a no-split policy. You decide to pick up the tab for the table, and your friend will pay you back. You can replace this scenario with countless others, but this is a simple way to frame this up.

The next day, your friend asks how much you owe him/her. The exact amount owed is $27.65. What amount do you communicate with your friend?

• A. $27.00

• B. $27.65

• C. $28.00

Take a second and think about what you would tell your friend.

I believe each answer is a tell, and I'm about to unload this deep, dark thought I've been carrying for decades.

If your friend owes you $27.65 and you tell them they owe you $27.65, this is a tell that you live by the letter of the law. You want everything above board, no gray area. You want to ensure you don't feel indebted to the other person, even by a few cents. Or……it just might mean you’re an accountant and anything but two full decimals is akin to blasphemy.

If your friend owes you $27.65 and you tell them they owe you $28.00, this is a tell that you want to ensure nobody takes advantage of you. After all, you're the one who stepped up and took one for the team by buying for the table. $28 is a nice round number, and it's only fair this is their tab. Besides, it's only 35 cents!

If your friend owes you $27.65 and you tell them they owe you $27.00, this is a tell that you live with a spirit of generosity....even in the smallest and most unseen ways. It's a generous act to round down what they owe you, giving them a slightly better number than yours. It's also an act of generosity to make it a simple number. It's a small, real-time act that shows you have their back.

This isn't a profound or earth-shattering concept today, but perhaps it will make you look in the mirror. What would you tell your friend? Also, you're welcome for now permanently possessing the curse of constantly and intently watching how other people answer this question. It's telling.

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5.2

Yesterday marked a hallmark day in my year: The first day of farmer's market season! This is the third year Northern Vessel has set up shop at the Des Moines Farmers' Market (regularly voted one of the top five markets in the country). 

Our operation is simple, but difficult. The simple part is that we only sell one product: our signature oat milk cold brew latte. The difficult part is scaling it to levels that challenge common sense and any form of reasonableness.

The market is open from 7am-12pm on Saturday mornings, May through October. Five hours, once per week, for six months. 26 bites at the apple. You get one shot to make the most of that precious time. Heading into our first year, we had no idea what we were doing. We essentially winged it, figured out what didn't work, tweaked, tested, and repeated. Eventually, we plateaued at a point where we could sell 2.8 drinks per minute. It was a massive success! We were proud of our achievements and thoroughly enjoyed the process.

Heading into our second year, we knew our peak was around 2.8 drinks per minute, but we aspired to do it better. A better experience, more fun, more hospitality, a better overall vibe. We wanted that three-minute experience to be the highlight of someone's day. 

By the third week of our second season, we realized our minds were far too small. After testing (and failing) new ideas, our constant tweaking yielded results we never even imagined. In the heart of that season, we capped out at 5.2 drinks per minute.....it was bonkers.

In this last offseason, heading into the third year, we looked at it differently. No matter how close we think we are to our peak, we realize we still haven't even scratched the surface of what's possible. This mere notion led our team down a rabbit hole of obsession. For the past few months, we've tested new ideas and debated countless tweaks. What if this person stands here? What if those cups are positioned there? What if we used this other piece of equipment to fill cups instead of the normal one? What if a different person fills that role?

As this season approached, that 5.2 drinks per minute number lingered in our minds. This time, though, we didn't look at it as a ceiling, but rather a floor. In our minds (or perhaps imaginations), we believed we could blow by a previous record that never seemed possible to begin with. Our new goal: 7.0 drinks per minute for five hours. Yesterday was our first test. In yesterday’s market season opener, with unseasonally low temps, we landed at 5.2 drinks per minute.....tying our previous peak-season record. Now, we tweak.

I love this team!

I have much more to say about this, but I'm quickly running out of real estate. I'll pick that up soon. In the meantime, here's my takeaway. Whatever you think is possible....is. Whatever you think isn't possible.....isn't. And whenever you think you've reached your peak, you haven't even scratched the surface. Keep tweaking!

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Lessons From the GaGa Pit

I was recently talking to the kids about their second-grade recess activities. GaGa Ball is a fan favorite, a real grade school tried-and-true. Curious, I asked them if anyone in the class was particularly good. Both kids immediately blurted out, "Ezra!" Ezra, they tell me, dominates GaGa Ball.

I haven't spent meaningful time watching their class play GaGa, but this answer surprised me. I know the kids well enough to know who the athletes are (I’ve coached many of them), and Ezra doesn't live in the athlete cohort in my mind. What I know about Ezra is that he's a brilliant little guy. He's one of the most insightful and intelligent second-graders I know.....but I've never seen him play a sport before.

Now, I was extremely curious! "So, Ezra is the best?" "Yeah, Dad, he wins all the time!"

"What makes Ezra so good at GaGa Ball?"

"He does a really good job dodging the ball, and he lets everyone hit the ball out of bounds and get themselves out."

Ah, I love it. Ezra's secret weapon is to be smart, patient, and not try to do too much. It's not a glamorous approach, but in the opinion of my two kids, it makes him the best GaGa Ball player on the lot.

I think we could all learn something from Ezra. Be smart, be patient, and not try to do too much. If us adults would follow this strategy, it would save so many of us from the heartaches we cause ourselves.

Everyone seems to be out here swinging for the fences, trying to look good, seeking instant gratification, and chasing it. Meanwhile, the Ezras of the world are playing the long game, disregarding some perceived status others are trying to earn. He's not in the business of looking good or letting his emotions win over.....he's in the business of winning.

What if we handled our investments like Ezra? Smart, patient, not trying to do too much. Most people would have dramatically better returns if they would just stay the course and not try to time or outsmart the market.

What if we handled our spending like Ezra? Smart, patient, not trying to do too much. Most people would have far less debt, be much more measured, and spend primarily on things that align with their values.

What if we handled our careers like Ezra? Smart, patient, not trying to do too much. Most people would have far more contentment and would more confidently work their way up their respective ladders. They wouldn't feel the need to jump ship to the next shiny object, and would be far more willing to consistently put in the work to succeed.

I love this Ezra story. I told my kids that Ezra's strategy is something to learn from. We don't always have to be a hero. We don't always have to make the dramatic play. Sometimes, we need to be smart, patient, and not try to do too much. Well played, Ezra, well played!

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More Trapped Than Ever

I recently had the opportunity to meet up with an old friend. This friendship goes way back to our business school days. I remember our last semester of college when we each received offer letters from two different companies for the same dollar amount: $42,000 per year. I remember how we went out for a drink to celebrate. $42,000?!?! We thought we struck gold. Fast forward a few months, we were both working our respective jobs, and it did, in fact, feel like we struck gold. That felt like so much money to us formerly broke college kids.

20 years have passed since that moment. Today, we're a lot less single, our families have grown, and our black hair is a bit more gray. You know what else has changed? His income. In a recent conversation, he shared that his household income now exceeds $500,000 per year. A half million dollars! That's a far cry from the $42,000 he started making.

Here's where the story gets, er, "good." Knowing what I do for a living, he had a direct question for me (and graciously asked if I would write about it). While he's grateful for his current income, he and his wife struggle to make ends meet with this income. You heard that correctly. $500,000 per year doesn't seem like enough income to care for his family.

Let me re-frame this conversation. He once felt rich making $42,000 per year. Now, making $500,000 per year, he feels broke. Yes, inflation plays a role, but not as much as you'd think. Looking at historical inflation calculator, $42,000 in 2005 is worth approximately $69,000 today. $69,000 is still a mile away from $500,000. Well, it must be the fact he's married with kids. Sure, that plays a role, but an extra adult and a few small humans don't fill a $431,000 per year hole. What else could it be......?

I pointed out a few observations about his current life, such as:

• The mini-mansion he lives in.

• The three high-end cars in his garage (financed, of course).

• The country club he belongs to.

• The infinite spending on dining and entertainment.

• Countless extravagant trips (which get plastered onto social media)

• The massive pool in his backyard.

• The lake house.

• The two boats at said lake house.

His response: "Yeah, we're living our dream life! We have everything we've always wanted."

And yet, he's more trapped than ever. This is the American dream, turned nightmare. This is the path so many people are on. It feels good. It provides adrenaline. Dopamine flows like a river. It seems like a trophy collection of success. But at the end of the day, we're building our own cage, bar by bar.

You might think, "This guy sounds like a real idiot!" The truth is, he's absolutely brilliant. He's a respected leader, a pioneer of sorts. He's accomplished things many may never dream of. Unfortunately, though, he's cursed by being a human. We humans are flawed beings, and materialism is one of those many flaws. He found the world's way early in life, latched on, and never let go.

His mission, if he chooses to accept it, is to get out of the cage he's trapped in. Do you need a similar mission?

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Paying for Outcomes, Not Inputs

I saw the most wonderful TikTok video yesterday! The text on the screen said, "I paid this guy $500 to remove a tree, and it took him less than a minute....I think I overpaid." Behind the text was a video of an enormous crane tearing this massive stump, massive root system and all, out of the soil like it was a small weed. It was thoroughly impressive! The entire point of this video was to show how ripped off this person was because they paid $500 for a job that took just a few minutes.

This is where people get so twisted up. The prevailing thought process in our culture is that when we purchase something, whether a service or a product, we're paying for the cost of the physical inputs and/or the time that went into it. In reality, though, we're paying for an outcome.

In the video mentioned above, they weren't paying for the person's time, and they weren't paying for the cost of the equipment. They were paying for the desired outcome of no longer having that ugly tree stump in their yard. That's it. It doesn't matter how much the business's time or equipment costs. Is having a stump-free yard worth $500 to them? Yes or no? That's the only equation that matters.

I occasionally get the same thing in my coaching. All of my coaching is quoted on a flat-rate basis. The client shall get x number of meetings over y number of months, plus access to me between meetings, for $z. Once in a blue moon, a prospective client will ask me for a formal breakdown of my time (prep, meeting, follow-up hours, etc.). Why? They want to determine what my hourly rate is to determine if my price is fair. Problem: I'm not selling my time. I'm selling an outcome: impact….hopefully life-changing impact. Either a prospective client believes the impact I can make in their life is worth more than the fee I charge, or they don't. If they don't, they absolutely shouldn't hire me.

Coffee is another example. I recently had a friend tell me our Northern Vessel signature oat milk cold brew lattes are a ripoff at $6.50. "What are you putting in them, gold!?!?" Well, close, but no. Housemade cold brew concentrate, oat milk, and simple syrup. "And that costs you $6.50?!?!" People aren't actually paying for coffee, milk, and sugar. They are paying for an outcome. In this case, the desired outcome is an experience. It's the community, camaraderie, atmosphere, hospitality, memories, and, yes, a hopefully delicious drink experience. If this outcome is worth more than $6.50 to someone, they should consider buying one, but if not, they shouldn't!

Whether you're wearing your consumer hat or business hat, always remember this principle. We aren't paying for physical inputs or time.....we're paying for outcomes. Know what you're really selling, and sell it with confidence. Know what you're really buying, and buy it with confidence. What outcome are you trying to obtain? Does xyz product or service provide said outcome and cost less than the value this desired outcome adds to your life? If so, amazing!

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Fear Is Not Our Friend

If there's one thing that's true, it's that fear is not our friend. Nothing good happens when we make decisions rooted in fear. This applies to every single aspect of our lives.

When we make investing decisions rooted in fear, we lose.

When we make business decisions rooted in fear, we lose.

When we make purchase decisions rooted in fear, we lose.

When we make career decisions rooted in fear, we lose.

When we make relationship decisions rooted in fear, we lose.

This was the theme of my work this week. We're living in weird times right now. Everyone is a bit stressed, a bit nervous, and a bit off-kilter. The consequence of this reality is that people are continually teetering on the edge of making fear-based decisions. And since nothing good happens when we make decisions rooted in fear, this is a critical inflection point for many.

Here's a little hack I find helpful on this journey. Whenever a decision is in front of me, I ask myself if fear is playing a role. Then, I try to be honest with myself. It's amazing how often fear plays a role, even when we don't think so. I regularly catch myself almost making fear-based decisions, and when I do, I'm able to take a step back, assess it for what it is, and then make a more rational decision without fear skewing me one way or another.

One of my roles in my coaching is to catch people when fear is creeping in. After all, it's easier for other people to spot our blind spots than it is to see our own. As such, consider bringing other people into the fold. Allow others who know you and care about you to help assess key decisions. It's amazing how much insight someone can have when they are on the outside looking in.

None of this seems tremendously profound today, and I'm not overly impressed by writing style or humor, but this just feels like the right message on the right day. Perhaps someone needs to hear this today. Have an amazing day!

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Pushing Through the Pain

My son Pax ran his first 5K this weekend. He carried himself with a combination of excitement and anxiousness in the days leading up to the race. More than anything, he just didn't know what to expect. But as we were mere moments from beginning the race, he was beyond excited.

I told him I would stay by his side every minute of the race. He would set the pace, and I'd stick with him. The opening moments were fantastic.....which lasted all of a half mile. Then, things turned south quickly. I'm not sure he had ever ran more than a half mile in his life, so I was expecting 3.1 miles to break him......and break him it did! His legs hurt. His foot hurt. His lungs hurt. He was facing physical, mental, and emotional demons. He wanted to quit. It was too hard. He wasn't good enough. He wasn't strong enough. He didn't belong there. The self-talk was crushing. There was crying. There was yelling. There was the innocent 8-year-old kid's version of swearing.

My goal was to push him hard enough to step up to the challenge, but not so hard that he'd snap. I would pick out a landmark in the distance and say, "Alright, man, we're going to jog from here to that yellow sign, then we'll walk again. Let's push through the pain." He'd say no a few times, then relent. Then, we'd repeat that cycle all over again.

As we turned the final corner and approached the last tenth of a mile, we could see the finish line. "Pax, I want you to sprint to the finish line with everything you got. Don't leave any gas left in the tank. Just go for it!" And he did! He took off and gave it everything he had. He collapsed to the ground as soon as he crossed the finish line. I couldn't tell if he was happy, sad, angry, or some other emotion. Ultimately, I realized he was just really dang proud of himself. He did something he didn't think was possible. He pushed through the pain, and that was a grander award than any medal he could have received.

Pushing through the pain is one of life's greatest lessons. Success isn't accomplished in the absence of pain. Rather, it's something that happens amidst, in, and through the pain. Pain is inevitable, but it's what we do with the pain that dictates our fate.

This applies to 5Ks, money, work, entrepreneurship, relationships.....everything! Please don't avoid pain. Don't run away from it. Don't hide from it. Pain isn't something to be avoided. It's something to be confronted head-on. When we do, we grow. We win. We prove to ourselves that we can (and should) do things that matter.

I don't know if Pax will ever run a 5K again, but I'm 100% certain he just learned a valuable lesson that will carry with him for decades to come. Push through the pain!

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Those Evil One-Percenters

You know who's really evil? It's those rich, greedy 1%'ers. You know, the people who make too much money. Those people! They need to pay their fair share and be more generous. After all, they have enough....more than enough. Don't even start on how out of touch they are with the real world and what other people are going through.

Don't these 1%'ers just drive you nuts?!? You'd think they would act a bit more grateful for what they have. Instead, they always seem so entitled and disconnected from the plight of the others.

Don't even get me started on their giving (or lack thereof). Instead of giving to those in need, they buy newer cars, moreTVs, faster phones, better vacations, and bigger houses.

I had several more paragraphs of anti-rich ranting to go, but there's just one problem. It's so easy to point the finger at others when we can perceive them a certain way. We have the privilege of judging them from our safe little perch of morality and relativism.

Unfortunately, we're looking through the wrong lens. It's easy to look through the lens of our own choosing. Doing so allows us to justify our attitude, judgment, and inaction. Here's the real, sobering, hard-to-swallow truth: If your household makes more than $40,000 USD each year, you're in the top 1% of families in the world. Do you make more than forty grand? If so, you're a 1%'er.

Let that sink in. Ouch. We're rich. Clean water, electricity, heat, A/C, education, medicine, cars, Tvs, cell phones, internet, refrigeration, three meals per day. We're very, very rich. It doesn't seem like it because we live in our own bubbles surrounded by people richer than our version of rich, but we're so unbelievably blessed. As such, there are really only three rational implications of this reality:

• We should live with gratitude.

• We should live with contentment.

• We should live with generosity.

Anything short of this takes us down the road of becoming real-life versions of those rich people we so harshly (and unfairly) judge.

I hope you have a blessed day.

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The Unwinnable Race

Whether aware of it or not, many people reading this article are running an unwinnable race. They are working hard for that forever home, enough money to feel secure, the newest technology, or the nicest car.

In theory, this is a winnable race. That house is possible, that amount of money is attainable, the Apple store is just a short drive away, and that car is rolling off the production line. Yes, you can have any of these you want......

......but you can't. This is where it becomes unwinnable. The moment you buy your forever home, it's just a house (and a new forever home takes shape in your imagination). The moment you have enough money, you realize it wasn't the answer to your insecurity (and a higher dollar amount takes its place in your mind). The moment you buy the newest cell phone, a newer (and better) one comes out. The moment you pull the trigger on that sweet ride, it becomes just a car (losing its luster).

I recently met with a man who has amassed $15 million. He said it's more money than he ever imagined having. He was raised in a lower-middle-class family, and even taking a three-hour road trip vacation was a luxury for his family. He wore hand-me-down clothes and shared a bedroom with his two siblings. Today, he lives in a 7-bedroom house and flies anywhere he wants at the drop of a hat.

He confided that he once believed even $5 million would be far more than enough. Then, after reaching that milestone, he realized he needed more to feel happy and secure. This process repeated a few more times, leading to his present status at $15 million. In our most recent conversation, he shared his new perspective that somewhere in the $20-$25 million range is probably enough. Unfortunately, it won't be. It never is. He's running an unwinnable race.

If you think x purchase or y dollars is the ticket to your happiness, security, or contentment, you're gravely mistaken. We have two options: 1) We can keep running, hoping there's an end to this race, or 2) Practice gratitude and be content with what we're blessed with. Taking option #2 doesn't mean we live with apathy or simply quit pursuing impact, but rather, it means we stop chasing the things that can't fulfill us and focus on what can.

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The Subconscious Killer

People want to drive a certain brand of car.

People want to live in a certain neighborhood.

People want their kids to attend a certain school.

People want to wear a certain logo.

People want to travel to a certain city.

People want their kids on a certain team.

People want to carry a certain model of phone.

People want to belong to certain clubs.

Do you know what all these things have in common? Status. People crave status. I believe people have always craved status, but due to the arms race of materialism and the proliferation of social media, the pursuit of status is thriving now more than ever.

Here's the official definition of status, according to the Oxford Dictionary: "The relative social, professional, or other standing of someone or something."

Here's the unofficial definition of status, according to me: The perception held about someone by an external person or group of people.

We humans care about what others think of us, and whether consciously or subconsciously, many of our decisions are heavily dictated by our desire to positively influence our standing in other people's eyes. Thus, the cars, neighborhoods, schools, logos, travel destinations, sports teams, gadgets, and clubs. Each of these says something about us, one way or another.

This may sound like a harmless topic lacking substantive consequences, but I can personally testify that the consequencesare increasingly destructive. In just the last few weeks, I've met with couples who make north of $300,000/year and are living paycheck-to-paycheck. There are a lot of factors contributing to this, but none bigger than the pursuit of status. Most of their decisions seem to be made, in part, with status in mind. Again, I don't even think it's a conscious thing for them. It's hard-wired into their psyche, and it manifests through each decision.

If this type of behavior goes unchecked, it will rot us from the inside out:

• Divorce

• Selfishness

• Financial stress

• Relational tension

• Jealousy

• Rampant debt

• No retirement

• Discontent

• Did I mention divorce?

Take a hard look in the proverbial mirror this morning and ask yourself what financial decisions are being made in the pursuit of status. If you identify any (and I suspect you will), I strongly encourage you to consider purging them from your life. Your life is worth far more than what others think about you. Your freedom, relationships, peace, calling, and meaning are all far more important than anything status claims to provide.

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