A Little Discretion Goes a Long Way

If you know me, you know I LOVE food! I have a soft spot in my heart for unique and memorable dining experiences. I deeply treasure the financial investment in a good meal at a restaurant.

At the same time, I feel like so much of my coaching work is spent trying to encourage families to tone down their dining out spending. It's not that I'm against dining out (obviously), but sometimes a family's dining out spending is actually detrimental to their broader objectives.

For example, let's say a family is trying to pay off a bunch of debt or commit to investing. For multiple reasons, there's just not enough margin in the budget to make meaningful progress in these goals. Therefore, we scan their budget to find ways to free up margin. Here's how one of those recent conversations played out. About three-quarters of the way down the budget, we find this: "Dining Out: $800." This is a single-month number for two parents and two under-10 kids.

This is the moment where I point out that perhaps $800 is a bit heavy.

"But we hardly even go out to eat. We maybe go out once per week. I don't think we can cut this category."

**This is me doing my best to keep a straight face**

I happen to live in a family with two parents and two under-10 kids, and live in the same town they do.

I didn't do a good job of keeping my straight face, and they could see my skepticism. "It costs at least $120 just to go to xyz restaurant. Going out to eat is ridiculously expensive these days!"

It was ironic they used xyz restaurant as an example, as my family just visited xyz restaurant the prior week.

"Well, I took my family to xyz restaurant last week, and our total bill was $45."

"That's impossible!"

We compared notes. When my family goes to this restaurant, we order three entrees and eat family style; plenty of food! We also get water. No appetizers, no desserts. When they go to this restaurant, they each order a full adult entree.....which is beyond overkill for their family. But first, they start with an appetizer or two. Everyone also gets a "fun drink," as my kids call them. Lastly, they might get some desserts to polish off the night.

A little discretion goes a long way. Please don't hear me condemning their dining experience. I'm all for going all-in on dining. However, it's a party foul to use no discretion, spend $120 for what could have been accomplished with $45, call it a need, and subsequently whiff on your goals. Sometimes, we need to have boundaries.

For those of you interested, my family's monthly dining out budget averages $250 these days. It's rarely glamorous, but it does provide a margin for multiple outings with my family each month, plus a date night. We could definitely push this number higher, but for now, it allows us to knock out some other goals. There's a season for everything.

A little discretion goes a long way. Please don't allow "normal" to sweep you away and rob you of your goals that matter most.

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Finn’s Reminder

I had a killer idea for today's post, but one moment knocked it right out of me. Last night, shortly after bedtime, I was getting some work done on the couch when out of the blue, Finn came walking out. He approached me, gave me a big hug, and said, "You're the best dad ever. I'm so glad you're my dad." Then, as quickly as he arrived, he scurried back to bed.

Dang, that was unexpected. There are lots of days when I feel like I whiffed, screwed up, or wasn't present enough. Then, there was last night. Between you and me, I really needed that.

These last few days have been a lot of fun in our house. Yeah, there have been lots of sibling fighting, arguing, and tormenting. Yeah, it's been stressful at times. Yeah, I've thought about drop-kicking a little man. But we've had so many small, special moments together. It's been a special run in our house, and for that, I'm so grateful.

Truthfully, the special moments haven't been some profound event. Rather, it's more so a matter of seizing those small little moments. Watching fireworks, sharing snacks, running around in the rain, watching new movies, going on walks, quick trips to the store, and cruising around town. These things seem so innocent and pedestrian, but to our children, they can significantly move the needle.

This is my semi-regular reminder that we don't need to spend a ton of money to create memories. Blowing the bank, taking a bunch of PTO, and racking up the credit card is not a prerequisite to creating memories and sharing experiences with our kids. Usually, it just requires us to slow down, be present, and live in the moment.

I'm sharing this reminder with you today, but in all seriousness, I'll probably set a reminder to have this post shared with me periodically so I don't forget, either. It's so easy to get swept up by life. Let's endeavor to fight that current.

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Freedom Has a Catch

Social media was ablaze yesterday, filled with people lamenting about how we're not actually free. There was anger, embarrassment, resentment, and condemnation. Do we live in a perfect country? No way! Is it a free country? I've traveled to approximately forty countries over the years, all wonderful in their own ways, and have yet to find one that offers the same level of freedom and opportunity as America. Traveling abroad is one of my favorite things in life, and I always find nuances and dynamics in each country that I deeply admire (perhaps enough to move there at some point in my life), but I always return to America with a sense of gratitude for what it is. Again, we're not perfect....not even close.

When I look around and see what people around me are doing with their lives, I'm humbled. I have countless examples, but here’s one. I know a guy who immigrated to this country when he was 17. He didn't know a single word of English, and as he puts it, he was "poor poor." It was a struggle for him, to say the least. Fast forward a few decades, and he's created a beautiful career and life for his family. He, too, would acknowledge this country isn't perfect. On the flip side, when asked about his decision to move to America, he had this to say: "There's nowhere else in the world where a man like me could move to and have the opportunity to do what I've done. I owe a debt of gratitude to this country, as does everyone who comes after me. I love this place so much. I'm proud to be an American."

Whenever I talk to people who feel stuck in their work and believe they have no options, I think of my friends like the man above. Each of us has the freedom and power to choose our work. There are millions of jobs out there, each with its own positives and negatives. None of them are perfect, but some would be perfect fits for each of us.

It always feels ironic to me that 70% of Americans dislike or hate their jobs, yet we all live in a country that allows us the opportunity to shift our work at any time. Countless people in my life walk this ironic path. They are miserable, yet don't feel compelled to do anything about it.

That's the catch with freedom. Yes, we're free. Yes, opportunity is abound. Yes, we have countless options. However, the catch is that we each must raise our hand, say "yes," step forward, and take action to harness that freedom. No matter how good or how bad you have it right now, better is on the other side of stepping into the freedom.

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Freedoms

Every July 4th, I find myself dwelling on the word "freedom." Yes, of course, the freedoms we celebrate in America as a result of the events that transpired nearly 250 years ago. However, this day also makes me reflect on other types of freedom. So many freedoms to be thankful for!

On July 4th, 2009, I didn't exactly feel free. I had recently moved to Iowa in what can only be described as an involuntary relocation. My company in Kansas City had been shut down, everyone fired, and I had a gut-wrenching decision in front of me: Join my newly unemployed friends in one of the worst job markets of our lifetime, or pick up my entire life, leave everything I loved, relocate to a different state, and keep my job. Oh yeah, did I mention I had been engaged for three days? Wonderful times!

There was an elephant in the room that seemed to have more decision-making power than me: the $236,000 of debt hanging around my neck. For several years, I had made some questionable choices that didn't seem like a big deal.......until they became my worst nightmare. So there I was, on July 4th, 2009, reflecting on how I didn't exactly feel free. I felt enslaved to my debt, my job, and my past choices.

Luckily, that wasn't the end of the story, but rather just the beginning. Sarah and I married later that year, began building a life together in Iowa, and eventually paid off the $236,000 in debt. Month by month, win by win, our lives slowly began to shift. Getting out of that debt was one of the most freeing experiences I've ever had.

Fast forward more than a decade, and I get to dedicate my life to helping other people achieve freedom.

The freedom from debt.

The freedom from living other people's values.

The freedom to aggressively pursue work that matters.

The freedom to be outrageously generous.

The freedom to live counter to the prevailing culture.

The freedom to build that business they had always dreamed of.

The freedom from money being a tension point in their marriages.

The freedom to live for the meaning, not the money.

Whether you're celebrating a freedom today, or in the midst of pursuing one, I hope you take a few minutes to reflect on your journey with a spirit of gratitude, dedication, and aspiration. The best is yet to come. Happy 4th of July, everyone!

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The Wrong Scorecard

I just had a heartbreaking conversation with an acquaintance. He's in his mid-50s, married, with two children who are about to graduate from high school. He confidentially shared this with me, but also asked me to anonymously write and podcast about it.

Here's the context. This man can no doubt be considered successful. He has a prominent position in a prominent company. He's played the game, worked hard, navigated his way up the corporate ladder, and consequently, has reaped many financial rewards. He and his wife live in a large, beautiful suburban home, drive luxury cars, send their kids to a prestigious school, and live a VERY comfortable life. He aggressively and diligently invested throughout his career, leading him to a point where he has more than enough to retire right now (let's call it +/- $5 million). In his mid-50s, he could easily walk away from his job today and never worry about money again.

You're probably reading this and thinking to yourself, "Yeah, what's the problem? I'd love to be in his shoes!"

What he said next is where the story takes a dark turn. "If I could do it all over again, I'd do everything differently. I think I was using the wrong scorecard."

His work pursuits and the demands of his job required him to be away from his family on an almost weekly basis. As he framed it, his kids are about ready to leave the house, and he doesn't even feel like he knows them. Now that he has this pot of wealth and the ability to hit the career eject button, he feels this massive void and missed opportunity. His kids are about ready to leave the house, he finds little to no meaning in his work (other than the money it produces), and he has no passions, hobbies, or interests outside of making more money. "Now that I look back, it all feels kind of worthless."

He confided in me because it's deeply embarrassing. He feels pretty guilty about having this level of regret and shame when most people would give their left thumb to be in his shoes. "It doesn't feel as good as I thought it would."

For decades, he believed the appropriate scorecard to measure his success was his bank account and the freedom it provided him. Today, though, he's seeing things through a different lens. Now that he has the financial freedom to walk away from work, retire into the sunset, and live a blessed financial life, he realizes there might have been a different (and better) scorecard to use for this journey called life.

He and I spent many hours talking about meaning, impact, generosity, and contentment. The importance of being a father and husband. The need to disconnect our identity from our money, stuff, and status. The deep, inherent, God-given hunger to be productive and add value to other people's lives. The realization that no amount of money will truly make us happy. The soul-filling, life-giving power of generosity. It was a beautiful conversation.

Bad news: This man has been using the wrong scorecard for decades.

Good news: He can change the scorecard today!

What scorecard are you using?

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They Shot the Elephant

When I'm sitting face-to-face with most coaching clients, there's an elephant in the room. This person (or persons) desires to retire one day. They'll tell me, "We want to retire in 15 years." They might be 40 years old, meaning their objective is to prepare themselves to retire by age 55.

This desire has many implications. First, it means this couple needs to invest like crazy. They need to intentionally and repeatedly set aside large chunks of money each month as they race the clock to accumulate enough resources to meet their objective.

When they elect to set aside massive resources for retirement (you know, to win the race), this, too, has implications. It means fewer financial resources available to the family month in and month out. That may mean less fun, fewer vacations, less generosity, and a more frugal lifestyle. It might also mean they linger in higher-paying, lower-meaning jobs. After all, what's the point in pursuing work that matters if we're busy racing toward the finish line and stop working as quickly as possible? There's a conscious trade-off between finding meaning in their life now (which they might not) and hurrying toward the retirement finish line.

The financial and career pressures begin to build, all for the sake of meeting these age-based retirement goals. Some people enjoy this process, but most don't. In fact, it can turn a frustrating endeavor into a pressure cooker of stress, weight, and disappointment.

Then, there are meetings where I sit face-to-face with a different kind of client. This is the type of couple who, like me, have zero desire to retire. Both spouses are pursuing work that matters, enjoying the journey, and living with meaning every step of the way.

In a recent meeting with one of these couples, I was writing a bullet list of possible uses for their taxable investment account. As soon as I wrote the word "pre-60 retirement," they asked me to erase it. "We don't want to retire. We like to actually live our lives and have purpose." I love it!

The implications of this mindset shift run deep. Immediately, we were able to pivot our approach and create a weird and counter-cultural way to approach this topic. Every ounce of pressure and urgency melts away, as there's no defined race to run. Instead, we can plan more intentionally and weave all the pieces together in a way that creates a cohesive lifestyle (not just someday down the road, but today). There is no elephant in the room; they shot the elephant!

Instead of allocating massive sums of resources to retirement, they can take a more measured and flexible approach. They can allocate more money for memories, travel, and giving. Their investments, instead of needing to fund an ever-earlier retirement, can now feed more meaningful endeavors. Their career decisions can be centered around meaning, not paychecks. More than anything, there's no weight. They are going to be great. They don't feel burdened or heavy. It changes everything!

I shot the elephant years ago, and I'm so glad my client did, too! When we can untether ourselves from the race toward retirement, it literally changes every single aspect of our lives. So beautiful! Is it something you'd consider? Please think about it, and we'll talk about it again soon.

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What We're About, According to A.I.

I received an interesting e-mail from a friend/client yesterday. He was experimenting with A.I., and as part of his exploration, tasked the A.I. model to give a synopsis of my content.

Here was his initial prompt:

"Can you research Travis Shelton (located in Des Moines, IA) and his company "Shelton Consulting" as well as his blog and podcast "meaning over money" and provide me the most talked about topics or points he is making?"

It's scary how accurate A.I. is becoming. After reading its conclusions a few times, I thought it might be interesting enough to share today. Some of you know me personally, and some have never met me. Some have been reading/listening for years, and some just found me. So, today, I'm going to let an A.I. model explain what we're about here. We're certainly not for everyone (I've made my share of enemies), but if we're for you, we're beyond grateful to have you along the journey with us.

The following is a word-for-word output generated by the A.I. model. Enjoy!

"Absolutely! Travis Shelton, based in Des Moines, Iowa, is a financial coach, speaker, and founder of **Shelton Consulting**, which he launched in 2019. His mission centers on helping people align their work and money with their values to live more meaningful lives. He's also the voice behind the *Meaning Over Money* podcast and blog, where he explores the intersection of money, work, and purpose through a countercultural lens.

Here are the **most talked-about themes** across his platforms:

### Core Messages from Travis Shelton

1. **Money Is Never Just About Money**  

Travis emphasizes that financial decisions are deeply tied to identity, values, and emotional well-being. He challenges the cultural obsession with wealth accumulation and instead promotes using money as a tool for meaning.

2. **Pursue Meaning, Not Just Success**  

A recurring theme is the idea that chasing promotions, status, or wealth often leaves people feeling empty. He encourages listeners and clients to define success on their own terms—often rooted in purpose, relationships, and impact.

3. **The Hedonic Treadmill**  

He frequently discusses how people adapt quickly to financial gains, which leads to a constant craving for more. This cycle, he argues, prevents lasting satisfaction and can derail meaningful living.

4. **Generosity and Simplicity**  

Travis advocates for radical generosity—not just with money, but with time, energy, and attention. He also promotes simplifying life to focus on what truly matters, rather than accumulating more.

5. **Behavioral Finance and Emotional Triggers**  

His podcast dives into how emotions, upbringing, and societal pressures shape our financial behaviors. He often explores how childhood experiences with money influence adult financial habits.

6. **Faith and Values-Based Living**  

Rooted in Christian principles, Travis integrates faith into his coaching and content, encouraging people to align their financial and professional lives with their spiritual values.

7. **Young Adults and Financial Empowerment**  

He's particularly passionate about helping twenty- and thirty-somethings navigate money with intention, especially those disillusioned by traditional career paths or burdened by student debt.

8. **Short, Actionable Insights**  

His *Meaning Over Money* podcast is known for its concise, 10–20 minute episodes that tackle real-life financial and career dilemmas with practical advice and a dose of inspiration.

Interesting stuff. Couldn't have said it better myself. Meaning over money. Always meaning over money. Have a great day, all!

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Memory Hacking

Between my travels, Sarah's travels, and Finn and Pax's travels, we haven't all been together as a family much lately. We're just now entering the part of summer where we'll get a lot of quality time together. Simultaneously, however, I have a behavioral quirk. As much as I try, I can't seem to shut off my motor when I'm at home. My wheels are always turning, and I go stir-crazy. I'm not proud of this, but I have come to recognize it for the problem it is.

With Sarah and the boys arriving back home around lunch yesterday, combined with me simultaneously finishing up a big client project and the fact that it was 100+ degrees outside, we decided to do a little memory hacking. We didn't have the time or budgeted funds for a major trip, so we decided to engineer a little staycation. We rented a hotel room in a different part of our metro and dedicated the day to making new memories.

• We stopped at Northern Vessel to pick up some CBLs and visit with the team.

• We shopped at the mall (the first time the boys have ever done that). Finn bought a new Minecraft Lego set, and Pax purchased a pair of football pants. Both were pleased with their decisions.

• We spent hours in the hotel pool (between stints in the hot tub).

• We shared a wonderful meal at a Mexican restaurant adjacent to our hotel (family style, of course).

• We ended the night with ice cream.

Out of the blue, while at dinner, Finn piped up, "Thank you so much for today, Mom and Dad. Today was one of my favorite days ever." Wow! That was so sweet for him to say. If I'm being honest, yesterday didn't feel particularly special. Nothing exotic, nothing wild, nothing expensive. Just a lot of intentionality. The kids felt it. They had a blast and showed much gratitude. Boy, we needed that.....I needed that.

Today, we'll leave the hotel and head directly to a local waterpark for day two of our little staycation. We're all excited; hopefully, many more memories will come.

Whatever is on your agenda today, I hope you find a way to engage in some memory hacking. It doesn't have to be extravagant or profound. Intentionality is the key ingredient. Cheers to a great day and lots of memories.

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More to the Equation

I recently spent some time with a former youth group kid who is now living a full-fledged adult life. He's doing great! He's one of those kids I thought would thrive as he worked through college and into the working world. We talked about many different topics, but he made one particular comment that struck me as blog-worthy.

In his early 20s, he's making approximately $75,000 in his desired field. I don't know what you think about that number, but to me, it feels like a stellar salary for this age.....unbelievably attractive! He proceeded to share that multiple other companies have offered him over $100,000 to jump ship and take a different job. Interesting!

When I asked him what he thinks of these other opportunities, he said they sound like great jobs in his desired field, and he'd probably like them. However, he turned them all down. Why? Because he LOVES his current job. The work, the people, the lifestyle it provides him. He's living his best life, and increasing his annual income by $25,000+ isn't worth risking his current life. Meaning over money.

I'm so proud of him for factoring more into the equation than just money. Money is money, but life is priceless. He's living such a blessed life right now. Would an extra $25,000 per year come in handy? Of course! He could do a lot of good with that money, but not if it comes at the expense of the beautiful life he's built for himself.

I'm not suggesting that he shouldn't have considered any of these other options. Doing so wouldn't have made him greedy or selfish. Any one of these jobs could be amazing for him, in more ways than one. However, for him, right now, it's not worth risking, given all the other factors in this equation. His maturity is so good!

There's more to the equation than money. I repeatedly watch people allow money to be the winning factor in the equation, only to feel guilt, regret, and resentment. More money isn't a bad thing, but it can be the worst thing if it comes at the expense of a meaningful life.

Applause to this young man, his promising career, and the beautiful life he's building. I'm so proud of him. I think we can all learn from his example today.

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Losing Track

Most people have a stark understanding of the rhythms of their week. They can feel it in their souls. What makes me say this? The vast majority of people have a little internal clock that counts down to Friday. There's an anticipation that builds all week, culminating with a euphoric feeling as Friday afternoon approaches. Then, as the weekend wears on, the opposite happens. As the weekend fun ticks on, a little sense of dread starts building, particularly on Sunday afternoons. Some call it the Sunday Scaries. But in any event, most people have a good feel for their weeks.

While I know this feeling intimately, that's not how I experience life today. My day-to-day and week-to-week experiences are quite different, and borderline disorienting. If I were to put a checkmark in the "con" category of pursuing work that matters, one might be this: Every day feels the same.

No, every day doesn't look the same. I do different things each day, and my work varies widely. However, my perspective of my days and weeks doesn't deviate. I can't tell weekdays from weekends. I can't discern the night before a work day and the night before a day off. I don't have an internal clock that says tomorrow should be Friday, or a sense that Monday is approaching. Every day feels exactly the same to me.

On one hand, this is an awesome feeling. I look forward to each and every day, regardless of whether it's a work day or a vacation day. I wake up with a bold sense of anticipation and excitement.

On the other hand, I lose track of time. I never remember if tomorrow is a work day or a weekend. I wake up most mornings not immediately knowing if I'm supposed to work or relax. It's surreal.

I never really thought much about this feeling until a client brought it up. He explained a similar concept in his life, and up to that moment, I just thought I was the only crazy person who felt this way. Now, I'm beginning to understand there's an entire group of people who experience this surreal dynamic to their rhythms.

For as weird and disorienting as this feeling is, I decided I'm going to chalk it up as a win. After all, if we're looking forward to each day, regardless of what degree of work or play it entails, that should tell us something about the life we're pursuing.

Does this resonate with you? Can you relate? I'm curious how people respond to this idea. Am I crazy? Does this even sound appealing? Please react to this and share what's on your mind. I hope you have a great start to your week. Wait, it is Monday, isn't it?

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You Didn’t Put a Ring On It

Two years ago, one of my clients made a dramatic shift in her career when she accepted a new job in a new industry. Her career started in the field she studied in college, but seven years later, she felt called to move in a different direction.

These last two years have been fantastic for her, but she again feels called in a different direction....into yet another completely new industry. The feelings of guilt are growing. She's developing a self-consciousness about this development. Is she a traitor? What will her friends and family think? Shouldn't she be using her degree? Wouldn't it be better to stay in one place?

Here's my feedback to her: "You didn't put a ring on it. You aren't married to a specific job or a particular industry. Do what you gotta do."

Then, she turned the tables on me. "Travis, how do you know you want to do what you're doing for the rest of your life?"

The truth is, I don't. I might be doing the exact same thing 20 years from now......or I might make another drastic shift in 20 months. I have no idea, and that's exciting! All I know is that I'm exactly where I need to be today, and tomorrow, I'll endeavor to do the same.

All we have is the present. We can't go back and redo what's already happened, and we can't yet influence the future. Today is what we have to work with, so we might as well honor it by following our calling.

Not only do I think my client is making the right decision, but I wish more people were as bold as she is. So many people would be blessed and live with far more meaning if they were honest with themselves and brave enough to follow their unique calling (even if their calling seems crazy to others).

You didn't put a ring on it, so please don't treat it like you did. It's okay to make a shift. Don't live with the regret of wondering what would have happened had you actually followed that calling.

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Downshifting

I shared this with a few readers already, but yesterday's post was one of the rare instances where I dreaded hitting the "publish" button. I knew the backlash would be swift and severe, and I was right. Within just a few hours of the post going live, I received at least 30 messages.....and nearly all of them were negative. You can read yesterday's post HERE, but in the event you don't want to, I'll summarize:

• Yesterday was the 20th anniversary of starting my career.

• I'm almost 44 years old.

• I'm only 1/3 through my career. Translation: I implied that my career will stretch (God willing) into my early-to-mid 80s.

• I don't believe in the world's made-up concept of retirement. It encourages us to remove ourselves from the game and live for ourselves just when we're entering our peak impact years.

• I think we all deserve better than to coast out our remaining days like a bunch of spoiled slugs. You have so much more in you!

Most of the negative feedback revolved around the idea that some people who are retired still work, volunteer, be productive, and use their skills. If that's you, I applaud you. But I also have some news for you: You're not actually retired. See, I think culture has created a perverted definition of the word "retirement." We generally define retirement as one or more of the following things:

• No longer working full-time (i.e. working less than the traditional 40-hour week).

• No longer working at a job that sucks (i.e. "I'm doing something I love now").

• No longer getting paid for the work (i.e. volunteering).

All three of those are still work. Part-time work is still work. Meaningful or enjoyable work is still work. Volunteer work is still work. Therefore, if you "retired" and now fall into one or more of these categories, you didn't retire; you just quit your job and shifted your career to something new.

I call it downshifting. Blog reader Randy is "retired," except he's not. He merely downshifted his pace and transitioned into different roles. He's actually making more impact in this season of his career than ever before.

Blog reader Dave may soon be in the same camp. He'll "retire" in the world's eyes, but he's not actually retiring. Instead, he'll probably downshift and focus more time on other work. Similar to Randy, he'll make far more impact in the next season than he has in all his years prior.

My friend Julie "retired" a year ago, but she did nothing of the sort. Though a "retirement" party was thrown in her honor, she merely left that job, downshifted, and transitioned into different work. Knowing her, she'll probably even upshift again at some point.

Ironically, much of the criticism I received yesterday was from people who aren't actually retired, but rather fall into this weird and twisted definition the world has set before us. Each one of them is and will make more impact in this next season of their downshifted careers than ever before. And for that, I applaud them for their service and commitment to serving others.

Yes, true "retirement" is an option. We can bask in comfort and live the remainder of our years for ourselves. The other option is to stay in the game. Downshift. Transition. Focus. Create impact. Pursue meaning.

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1/3 Through the Race

Today marks the 20th anniversary of starting my career: June 6th, 2005. Just a few days after graduating with a finance degree from Iowa State University, I packed up my dumpy little apartment and moved into an equally dumpy little apartment in suburban Kansas City.

I spent the next four years growing my career in institutional commercial real estate investing before being involuntarily relocated to Des Moines, Iowa, during the Great Financial Crisis. It was a scary and frustrating time, but I was so grateful for the opportunity to keep a job when everyone around me was losing theirs. I was hurt, but blessed.

I spent the next ten years continuing my commercial real estate journey, eventually leading me to work primarily with European and Middle Eastern clients. Those were some special years, and I grew tremendously through them.

However, during the back half of that decade, I felt this lingering pull to make a dramatic shift and dedicate my life to something different. That was a hard decision, though, as I was making more money than I ever imagined I would. Ultimately, I had to choose meaning over money, and in June 2019, I started my financial coaching business.

These last six years have been absolutely wild. It started as financial coaching for families, but quickly grew to include business consulting, podcasting, writing, speaking, and Northern Vessel. I'm so grateful for all of it. It's been the honor of a lifetime.

Today, I'm almost 44 years old. As I reflect on the past 20 years, I realize I'm about 1/3 through my career. So much has happened already, but I can't even fathom what's about to happen in the next 40 years of this career. Here's one thing I do know, though. Whatever happens in the next chapter will dwarf the impact I had in the first 20 years of my career. No matter how much good happened in the past, the future will surely be brighter.

How do I know that? Here's how. 44-year-old Travis has more experience, skills, insights, relationships, influence, and resources than the Travis who existed over the prior 20 years. As such, there's almost zero chance I don't make a bigger impact this next season than the last. Everything builds on everything.

The irony of this situation is that our culture will soon cheer me on to retire and ride off into the sunset. It will tell me that I can afford to quit work and start "enjoying life." So many people I know are leaving the game before even reaching their peak impact years. They raced to this made-up 21st-century concept called retirement, where they will now coast out the remainder of their lives in comfort. Instead, they could literally be changing the world by engaging in the world with everything they have to offer.

Don't get me wrong; I'm all for freedom of choice. Everyone has the right to do whatever they want with their life. I don't have a right to tell people what they should or shouldn't do. However, I'm going to use whatever influence I have, and the example I have the opportunity to model, to show that each of us has so much more to offer this world than the world is giving us credit for.

Whatever impact you made in the past pales in comparison to what you can do from here on out. Prove it.

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Unbusy

Well, summer is here! The kids just finished second grade and look forward to a fun summer. Countless people have asked me a very common question: "Do you have a busy summer planned?"

We have an unbusy summer planned. I feel like life is already too busy and can easily get out of control. Summers are just the same. Busy, busy, busy. Our strategy is simple, though. We are going to spend the summer unbusy.

Sure, we have a few trips planned and there are some activities here and there. However, most days are completely wide open.......by design. Busy does not mean valuable. Busy does not mean good. Busy does not mean meaningful.

In fact, I'd argue being unbusy can be even more meaningful. I so much cherish the slow, spontaneous moments of an unbusy summer. The out-of-the-blue bonfires, the impulsive trips to eat ice cream, the spur-of-the-moment basketball challenges, the on-a-whim drive-in theater adventures, the spontaneous opportunities for generosity. Those are the most special memories in our house. Unbusy, but flexible.

Just yesterday alone, I played Pax one-on-one in basketball, cooked steaks with Finn, and shared some cruising time in the convertible with Pax. These memories are priceless, yet free or almost free. It's not about some grandiose adventure that costs several days and many thousands of dollars. It's about slowing down enough when it counts so that we can be present. Small but powerful moments.

I'm used to the following conversation:

Friend: "What do you have going on this weekend?"

Me: "Absolutely nothing. We don't have anything planned."

Friend: "Those are good sometimes."

Me: "We try to make that every weekend."

Friend: ........

Unbusy. Those who know me well know how much I've struggled with busy in my life. I have a bit of a reputation....spanning decades. However, this is one area of unbusy I've been able to dial in. My family will not fall into the culture of busy. It's worn as a badge of honor in our society, but I reject that. Unbusy is the plan. We'll fight for that each day and each week this summer, and we'll absolutely fail at times, but we'll give it our best shot.

I hope some of you will join us in the pursuit of an unbusy summer.

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Symptoms vs. Afflictions

My kids have brutal seasonal allergies. Just a few weeks ago, Pax's eyes were nearly swollen shut when he got out of bed. He also had the sniffles and the sneezes.....he was a mess!

When Sarah saw him, she didn't say to me, "Travis, we need to treat his swollen eyes." No, of course not. No amount of eye drops would have fixed that problem. She said, "We need to do something about his allergies." This is intuitive, of course, and any other approach would be laughable. We don't address the symptoms; we address the affliction. The disease, the sickness, the root cause. In Pax's case, he didn't have a case of swollen eye syndrome. He had seasonal allergies, and one of the symptoms was swollen eyes.

In yesterday's post, I shared about how three of my friends are secretly miserable. In the post, I talked about how many of us are willing to die for our family, but at the same time, aren't willing to actually live for our family.

I highlighted what a day in the life often looks like for people stuck in a misery loop. Part of this loop involved a feeling of discontentment with one's work. However, I didn't specify if the misery is caused by work or if the misery felt at work is caused by a broader issue. This is a classic example of symptoms vs. afflictions. Which causes which?

The truth is, it varies from person to person. In the case of my three friends, two of them have work that is an affliction. It's toxic for them. They are doing the wrong jobs for the wrong reasons. It's eating them from the inside out, which is leaking into other areas of their lives.

The third man, however, is a different story. The misery he feels at work is a symptom of a broader issue. Notice how when I laid out a series of questions I ask myself about whether I'm actually living, only one of the six questions involved work. The other five questions revolved around other aspects of life. In the case of this particular man, he was violating several other questions, and the misery he experienced at work was a symptom.....not the affliction. In fact, he could have the best job in the entire world, and he'd probably still feel miserable. That's what it looks like when we're not actually living.

Perspective matters, and in the case of our work, we need to realize that our mindset and attitude impact our experience. If we're not actually living, there's no amount of job changes that will make us feel meaning in our work. Therefore, it's imperative that we pursue meaning in ALL areas of our lives. If we’re not right, we need to look inside for the affliction instead of treating every external symptom like it’s the problem.

I shared my post and some of your feedback with my three friends. It didn't solve their issues, but it certainly opened up some new dialogue. Thanks so much for that! These three men deserve to actually live, which may or may not involve different work. But that's why it's so important to recognize the difference between afflictions and symptoms in our lives. Acknowledge symptoms and treat afflictions.

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But Would You Live For Them?

I was having drinks with a handful of guy friends recently. There were four of us in total. We discussed all the normal-type things: Family, work, sports, faith, and upcoming travel plans. The conversation evolved to a bit of a morbid topic, triggered by a recent news story about a family that was attacked by a random assailant.

"I would die for my family," exclaimed one of my friends. One by one, each of my friends said the same thing. As a husband and father, they would die for their family. Noble. I agreed with them about this sentiment. If push came to shove, I would sacrifice myself for my family.

However, I asked a follow-up question. "Yeah, but would you live for your family?"

They looked at me, puzzled. For the ten minutes before this topic, each of them shared about how miserable they were in their respective careers and lives. All three of these guys are massively successful, as defined by the world, but each secretly lives in misery.

Each one of these men has achieved something in their lives, and in an effort to retain the comfort, stability, and ease of this new lifestyle, they continuously make choices to maintain the status quo. In other words, they are drowning in their own pool of comfort. In the sports world, it's called "playing not to lose."

None of them is actually living (their words), and their lives are struggling as a result. There's tension in their marriages and tension in their parenting. Their careers suck. Time keeps ticking too fast, but at the same time, not fast enough to finally get to this retirement finish line they fantasize about. They are depressed but mask it in normalcy. The life they are living isn't actually living. It's a form of delayed dying.

I think most people would willfully die for their family, but many won't actually live for their family. Here's the modern-day recipe for a day in the life:

• Wake up and get ready.

• Spend 8-10 hours at a job you tolerate or dislike.

• Come home grumpy and disgruntled.

• Spend a few precious hours with family.

• Count down the days until the weekend arrives.

• Savor the weekend, which might include spending time with friends/family, going on a trip, and/or buying something fun.

• By Sunday afternoon, begin the dread of the Sunday Scaries.

• Wake up on Monday and repeat.

That's a comfortable life. That's a normal life. That's a predictable life. But is it living? Most people, when confronted with this question in an honest setting, will say "no."

Here are a few questions I ask myself:

• Am I pursuing work that matters when I wake up each morning?

• Am I seeking comfort or pushing myself out of my comfort zone?

• Am I actively serving God and serving others?

• Am I giving sacrificially?

• Am I embracing the adventure or playing it safe?

• Am I proud of what I model for my kids?

I think most of us would die for our family, no doubt! That's the sign of loyalty, love, and honor. But would you live for them? Are you willing to truly live?

My three friends desperately need a shift. They know it and I know it. It will take courage and the willingness to disregard society’s expectations. They can do this…..and so can you.

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Feel a Way, Man

"Tell me about your work." I was sitting face-to-face with a stranger, a man I had just met 30 minutes prior. He solicited me for some advice, and we were just getting to know each other. We chatted about family, sports, backgrounds, hobbies....all the normal stuff. Then, I changed the subject: "Tell me about your work." His eyes instantly lit up, and a huge smile landed on his face as if there was an awakening inside him.

"My work makes me feel a way, man! Does that even make sense?"

Oh man, I connected so deeply with that. My work makes me feel a way, too, man! He proceeded to explain how much joy, fulfillment, satisfaction, and meaning he gets from his job. The job: A janitor at a well-known business. I couldn't have loved that more!

We live in a society that glorifies self-employment, entrepreneurship, and advanced degrees. Meanwhile, I was sitting with a man who was neither self-employed nor formally educated. He is working a nine-to-five at a mediocre-paying job, and he's thriving!

This is how it's supposed to be. Who am I, or anyone else, to tell him what work matters and what work doesn't? Heck, people should be jealous of him. This man truly loves his life......all of his life. He wakes up excited for work, thrives in his job, and then goes home to a family he loves. He pursued work that matters, and he's living his best life.

The advice he sought from me wasn't how he could make $x more money or build more wealth, but rather how to make the best use of his family's current resources. Contentment and a desire to do the right thing. Again, I admire him so much!

Do you feel a way about your work? Most people do, but it's feeling a way that they wouldn't wish on their worst enemy. Most people feel pretty crappy about their job or, worse, numbness.

I feel a way about my work. I get a little giddy just thinking about what I get to do. Nearly every single day of my week is eagerly anticipated. Not every moment of every day, but nearly every day. I feel a way about my work that makes me sad to realize that a day will come when I won't get to work any longer. I hope that day doesn't come for many more decades, but that's not entirely in my control.

I hope you can relate to my new janitor friend. I hope you can look at yourself in the mirror and say, "My work makes me feel a way, man!" If this makes you cringe or feel like punching this guy (or me) in the face, it might be a sign. Amazing is out there, and all it requires is for us to seek it out. Yes, we can linger in our current situation and simply ride it out. That option is on the table, but I think people deserve better than that. I think everyone deserves to feel a way, man.

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Mission and Memories…and One More Thing

Many years ago, during a double dinner date in Hong Kong, my friend Gary Hoag said something that has permanently stuck with me:

"There are two things worth investing in. Mission and memories."

I didn't realize it back then, but those words would rock my world from that point forward. If I were to summarize my day-to-day, week-to-week, month-to-month, and year-to-year decisions, 90% of what I do would fall into one of those two buckets. Mission and memories. 

This week, I get to experience both with Gary. Today kicks off a series of meetings and adventures in Medellín, Colombia, beginning with a tour of some coffee farms. Over the coming hours, I'll be laboring in the coffee fields, trying to gain a better understanding of what a day in the life of a Colombian coffee farmer looks like. I couldn't be more excited for this, and I hope I take away something profound and impactful for the greater mission. 

Gary and I were able to link up at the Houston airport before our flight to Medellín.

While Gary lives in the U.S., I've seen him more often abroad than in America. We've traveled the world together, spoken together, worshipped together, camped together, fished together (though what I did barely resembled fishing), and written books together. We've traversed the Great Wall of China together, explored the vastness of the Mongolian wilderness together, scaled Hong Kong's Victoria's Peak together, and meandered through the night markets of Thailand together. 

Memories, memories, memories. And, oh, the mission! Each one of those memories is rooted in mission. Deep, meaningful mission. But do you see the other common thread running through all this? Relationships. We weren't meant to do this alone. Mission and memories aren't for us to prove we're good enough to do it ourselves. In fact, it's the opposite. There's a multiplication effect that happens when we integrate our relationships with mission and memories. One plus one does not equal two; it often equals something far greater than we can imagine. 

There's no telling what impact we can have if we bring others into the fold. This week's mission isn't for me to hoard all to myself. This isn't something I get to individually endeavor, and then tell everyone how cool I am. One person can move the needle, but a group working together for a shared cause can change the world. I can't wait to share more about the vision and invite you to join me.

I don't know how today's post will land, but regardless of what your weekend looks like, I hope you internalize (and incorporate) Gary's words as I did: "There are two things worth investigating in. Mission and memories." Oh yeah, and bring someone else along as well!

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"I Think I'm a Flourless Cake"

I received an e-mail with the following subject line: "I think I'm a flourless cake." It was a callback to a recent blog post, where I used an analogy of baking a cake with all sugar and no flour, you know, because sugar tastes awesome and flour tastes gross. In my illustration, this is the equivalent of living a life that heavily overweights leisure and relaxation (the sugar) vs. work and impact (the flour). Just as a cake baked with all sugar would be disgusting, so too is a life built primarily around leisure and fun. The sugar is what makes life taste good, but the proper ratio of flour is what makes it moist and delicious.

The writer of this e-mail explained to me how much my flourless cake analogy struck him. It was almost as if I was staring into his soul. He said his family and personal life are amazing, but he hates his job. He's one of those people who craves Fridays and hates Mondays. But that's ok, he thinks to himself, as his crappy work situation doesn't define him.

This has led him to the point, like so many others, of glorifying retirement in the pursuit of far more sugar and much less flour. After all, sugar tastes good and flour tastes gross. In his mind, if he can just make as much money as quickly as he can, so he can invest as much money as quickly as he can, he can retire as early as he can. Boom, problem solved.

Enter my recent blog post, a "wake-up call," as he puts it. Is swimming in misery for the sake of expediting a retirement really the most meaningful approach to life? Until recently, he believed so. But then, as he thought about what actually makes life meaningful, this idea of merely living a life of leisure sounds equally unappealing. His twisted perspective is setting himself up to endure many more years of misery, followed by a meaningless life of leisure.

What's the solution? Here's what he said. "Maybe you're right. Maybe I need to just live a meaningful life right now. It's hard to quit racing toward retirement, but maybe I'm defining success in the wrong way."

A meaningful life isn't defined by money, stuff, status, or a retirement age. It's defined by having the right ratio of sugar and flour. It's waking up each day knowing today is going to matter, and going to bed at night excited for what's to come tomorrow. Not just two days per week, but every day.

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(Not) Doing It For Free

I casually ran into one of our Northern Vessel baristas yesterday, which is always a treat. In our conversation, I congratulated her on an amazing day at the farmer's market. I applauded her hard work, contagious vibe, killer hospitality, and ridiculously fun paycheck. She thanked me and shared how much fun she had. She said she wishes she could do it every day. Regarding the rewarding payday, she said she's grateful......but she loves it so much she'd "do it for free."

That's a tell! I laughed at her response and told her I know exactly what she means. I couldn't love this response more! The best work is the work we'd do for free if we could, but at the same time, we get to provide for our family while doing it. That's what it looks like to thread the needle of work that matters.

She never implied that it wasn't work......it was brutally hard work (my words, not hers). She was grinding non-stop, serving up hundreds of drinks per hour. Every interaction was a new opportunity, a new responsibility, to create a special experience for that specific customer. Each guest walked into that moment with their own mood, baggage, experiences, and expectations. For many, it was the first time they ever interacted with our brand. My friend, acting as the caretaker of the brand, was the lynchpin in how that person felt about us after they left our little booth. That's hard work! But it's meaningful work!

I'm so grateful for my friend. I 100% believe she would do it for free if she could, but fortunately, she doesn't have to. It actually makes me want to pay her even more. People who pursue (and find) work that matters are needle-movers. When we find our work that matters, our blood, sweat, tears, and passions are about to be put on the table, and as a result, everyone wins.

I pray my friend continues to feel that way about her work, and I pray each of you pursues and finds work that makes you feel the same. It's available to each of us, and it's far sweeter than we can even imagine. Work that matters matters. My friend deserves that.....you deserve that.

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